to refuse to see my health visitor

[mummypig189]

The health visitor knocked on my door today unannounced asking if she could come in.
The point of this visit was obviously just to come and have a nose because non of the children were due any checks although she weighed my youngest.

I was already peed off that she just came in to check up on me for no reason but her questions were so patronising i couldve strangled the silly woman. Heres just a few of the delightful comments she made

"So your expecting again? Unplanned then?"
"Are you still with the father? Does he work? Does he help out? Is he looking after you and the children?"
"How are you/will you cope with number three then?"
"you know theres courses at the local childrens centre for young moms, cooking parenting etc do you want me to phone for you?"
"You do know to put suncream on them in this weather dont you?"

Do you think its unreasonable for me to ask to see another health visitor,when my LO is born in oct?

Im not sure i can deal with the old bat 2 weeks after giving birth!

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

SS can only get involved if there are other concerns. I declined all input from my health visitor on DC3 and 4 beyond making sure they were vaccinated.

[5madthings]

why does she need to visit the clinic just because she has moved? i moved loads when my eldest three were little and not once did i have to attend the clinic, and i am also a 'young mum'.


she sounds a bit like the hv who told me 'there are courses at the centre for your mums like yourself so you can learn literacy and maybe even get a gcse'

i had JUST graduated from univesity with a good 2:1 yes i started my family when i was 19 but i was already at university by that point and i continued and finished my degree. some of them need to THINK before opening their mouths.

they could quite easily have phoned and chatted to the op and made an app if necessary.

[5madthings]

young mums not your mums.

[mammyemcbe]

I had my dc1 at 20, my dc2 at 21 and dc3 at 22 and the first question my hv asked after dc3 was if they all had the same father ( if it matters, yes they do) and then followed up with was I sure I could cope ( we had our own home and plenty of support) and finished it up with telling me I should really think about getting sterilised. I was 22 ffs
You can be a young AND brilliant mum well according to my lot I'm the bestest ever.

[mummypig189]

Not quite sure how i sound young by my reaction to the HV.
I do wonder as you get older do you develop an ability to ignore rude questions
I think you either find them acceptable or not regardless of age

[MelanieSminge]

some of these stories would make you gnash your teeth with rage, sadly OP has to grit them, this could be a spiteful one.

[FutTheShuckUp]

Well if your response it to blow a raspberry at people who question things in a perfectly reasonable way ive no idea how she would think you appear young....

Not that im buying any of this- the OP has already admitted to being a Walter Mitty with her 'this happened today...oh okay actually it didn't' nonsense

[FallenCaryatid]

You don't get better at ignoring rude questions, you just get better at cutting responses.

[FallenCaryatid]

'There is a dearth of evidence young mums struggle more in achieving good health outcomes for their children.'

You do know what dearth means don't you, fut?

[mummypig189]

oh come on my life is really not that boring that I would need to make up an imaginary thread about a rude health visitor, there is so much more exciting things I could lie about

[tutu100]

HV have to see you within a certain timeframe if you move into a new area. It is possible that as she hadn't seen you at clinic and she was in the area she thought she would pop in on the off chance.

There have been many high profile cases where health care professionals have been criticised for not doing enough. Protocols have now been change to try and make sure not child falls through the cracks, hence health visitors having contact with any new under 5's that move into their area.

I have had excellent health visitors, sadly my friend had a rubbish one, so I know they do exist. I also know that they have to ask a lot of uncomfortable questions nowadays and some people find it easier to just ask these questions outright rather than trying to dress them up. I would say don't be offended, I think it sounds like a routine visit if you are new to the area. However if she really has upset you that much you can either make a complaint, or ask to see another HV when necessary.

[ColouringIn]

Okay, I used to be a health visitor and most areas have an arbitrary amount of time during which new families to the area are supposed to be seen. It's about picking up any issues and is a millstone e round the neck of most health visitors because invariably the families involved are nice and normal without the need of health visiting input.

I think it is very bad form to turn up unannounced and never did it. I always sent a letter with an appointment and a phone number in case the parent needed to change it.

Health visiting records can take a life time to arrive so when a family moves in they are unknown, the HV is then obliged to visit by the PCT to ensure the family have all the local info they need.

This should not be done in a ride manner and tbh OP I am not surprised you have no wish to see her again.

[flyoverthehill]

I had an HV turn up at my house, I asked her "dont you know where the baby is ?" She didnt have a fucking clue (he was 50 miles away in a specialist unit) she never had the guts to come back. Some people (in all jobs) have zero communication skills, you could just put in a complaint.

[5madthings]

i moved loads when my first three were little 5 time in all over a 5 yr period, and NOT once did a hv get in touch wiht me, i registered at the drs each time and then never saw a hv until i was preg/had a new baby. all of my children were under 5yrs of age when we moved, in fact i moved twice when ds1 was under one and never had a hv get in touch, ditto when ds2 was a baby and then moved the once when ds3 was a baby and the others were both still 5 and under. no contact with a hv until i instigated it when preg with no 4.

[PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot]

I have to agree why would anyone make up a thread about a rude health visitor?

Id say I'd had bum sex with brad Pitt or something.

[mummysmellsofsick]

Is that true about non cooperation and ss? I've only ever seen ours once, I think we got inadvertently signed off and I didn't want to see her anyway.

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

fly that is one of the things I cringe at when reading the notes at work. HVs making these visits without checking records and reporting that 'no answer when I knocked' or 'mother reports baby not present'

No you idiot, they are in picu and have been since birth and you have just made a bad situation worse.

[flyoverthehill]

thanks oh I was very cross, oh shit my hands are now shaking, thank goodness he is much better now

[M0naLisa]

I've not seen a HV for a couple years. I'm seeing one in September for ante natal visit - although I have to go to them rather than they come to me like thy used to.

To me it's welcomed HV were a big part of my life after DS2 was born due to suffering from post natal depression. I'm just hoping the HV I see us one I feel I can talk to and one I feel who will support me with my feelings of coping with 3

[Lambzig]

You most certainly can ask to change health visitors.

The first one that I had came after I had DD was terrible. First baby and no issues/missed appointments. Not new to area either.

She tried to persuade me that I could definitely come off my medication so that I could breastfeed and it would be fine (discussed during pregnancy at length and agreed with several consultants/specialists and told by them it would probably result in me being very seriously ill). When I explained this she said "perhaps you shouldnt have had a baby if you cant bf"

Also when I told her we didnt qualify for tax credits when she asked she said "If your DH and you were earning that much you would have a bigger and better house, so you must be eligible". None of her business what size house we have (perfectly respectable Victorian terrace in SW London). She also made DH go into the kitchen as she needed to speak to me in private and then didnt ask anything that could not have been asked in front of him.

She called two days later when I was asleep and insisted that DH wake me up so she could talk to me "or she would have to call the police". When I got on the phone she said "just checking you are Ok".

After that I asked not to see her anymore and got someone else.

[mummypig189]

I think ill see how things go for the first visit, if she is the same as before and i cant muster the courage to confront her about her manner ill ask to see another HV.

[mummypig189]

Reading some of your comments makes me realise maybe mine isnt all that bad!

[Birdsgottafly]

Is that true about non cooperation and ss?

No, it isn't, at all.

How would she know that you are pregnant

This is shared by the MW's, after so many weeks, the Health service now makes sure that the woman has had treatment/given birth eyc, this came after Fred West killed his pregnant daughter (amongst other cases), questions were asked about how best to protect pregnant women and babies.

[Birdsgottafly]

i cant muster the courage to confront her

If you cannot challenge her, explain why you want to change HV when you make the request, her manner needs addressing. As non judgemental as all HCP's/SW's are suppossed to be, some do still have bias and that comes across in the way that they practice.

[marriedinwhite]

Lambzig I'm SW London too - perhaps we had the same one. I think the area is a problem one to attract HVs to though because of the cost of living here - often the hv's travel a long way because of living costs in the private sector in this part of London and come to the job with a chippier than usual chip inserted in their shoulders. The client base is difficult too because it's so diverse so what they tend to do is to assume the lcd for everyone on their patch, sometimes in a very chip enhanced way, regardless of the fact that the patch includes very very different families with very very different needs.