to refuse to see my health visitor

[mummypig189]

The health visitor knocked on my door today unannounced asking if she could come in.
The point of this visit was obviously just to come and have a nose because non of the children were due any checks although she weighed my youngest.

I was already peed off that she just came in to check up on me for no reason but her questions were so patronising i couldve strangled the silly woman. Heres just a few of the delightful comments she made

"So your expecting again? Unplanned then?"
"Are you still with the father? Does he work? Does he help out? Is he looking after you and the children?"
"How are you/will you cope with number three then?"
"you know theres courses at the local childrens centre for young moms, cooking parenting etc do you want me to phone for you?"
"You do know to put suncream on them in this weather dont you?"

Do you think its unreasonable for me to ask to see another health visitor,when my LO is born in oct?

Im not sure i can deal with the old bat 2 weeks after giving birth!

[flyoverthehill]

wow Lambzig you win yours really was the shittiest, and why do they have big hang ups about bf ?

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

I had one who spent the whole visit asking me about how dd died. All the gory details. For no apparent reason. She didn't ask about teeny DC5 at all.
Her parting comment?
'you must be really worried now'
'why?'
'well you know, in case the others get it'

I did complain. My complaint got lost.

[bubalou]

I had 1 planned home visit from the health visitor. That was it.

The witch turned up - DS was 8 days old.

I'd had really bad trouble breast feeding him - spending hours at a time, he always seemed hungry & didn't seem capable of sucking. He just chewed with his gums - he had a small tongue tie which she knew about.

As a result I was screaming in agony with my nipples bleeding & was in constant pain & feeling upset & useless.

When the HV came round I thought - great she will offer advice. I told her about the trouble, she weighed DS & told me 'frowning' that he had lost 7oz. I told her about the troubles I'd had & she said 'let me see' - I embarrassingly pulled my bra down & pulled off the bloodied nipple pad - she looked & tutted & said 'u will be fine - just carry on & ignore the pain'!!!!

My mum came round that night to me 1/2 sobbing 1/2 screaming in pain try to BF whilst DH watched almost in tears helpless. I told her what had happened. She set about sterilising bottles & sent the men to Tesco for baby milk.

My little DS took a bottle straight away (only a small amount of course) & I slowly built him up over the next few weeks. I expressed once my nipples started heeling & managed to do this for about 4 weeks.

I never saw a HV again. I'm sure some r fine. She was not. Thank god for mums.

[marriedinwhite]

Indeed. I had three bouts of mastitis ending with a breast abscess which was surgically drained; I then had a tube taped over my shoulder to continue draining the puss. i probably also had thrush of the inner breast. I do not recall being in more pain than those first weeks with DS. I phoned the NCT in tears and they said they only advised about breast feeding not stopping but put me in touch with the lady who looked after the electric pumping machines for the mums with babies in special care to help with getting my nipples to heal. She came round and sorted me out with formula and bottles and looked in on me for about a fortnight. I couldn't have gone to help from the hv, mentioned above, because her response when I mentioned my troubles was to wrap myself in a blanket and sit by the fire while my nipples healed; that was after the childless cow had said "breastfeeding mothers put their babies first; bottle feeding mothers put themselves first".

It isn't a service, it's a national disgrace.

[JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar]

Christ on a bike, there are some dreadful HVs out there. I had no idea quite how awful some are.

As I said earlier, mine was wonderful. I was sad to say goodbye when ds started school, although she did say I was free to get in touch if need be.

[bubalou]

Omg @ marriedinwhite - mine obviously had this opinion but didn't actually say it.

Mine didn't really seem to care. I had DS at aged 22 - married in a house we own (much to what seemed to be her disappointment).

I had 1 home HV & visited them once for a check up. I then did the weigh in at the GP surgery when he was 1 & then the standard jabs & vaccinations.

That's it. I've never had any check ups, follow ups or requests for them. Nobody seemed bothered really. they were the same throughout my pregnancy.

But me & my DS managed just fine without them.

[bubalou]

I didnt mean to put that in there - bloody phone!

[Lambzig]

MrsDeVere that is just horrendous, absolutely awful and sickening.

I think the problem with complaining is that women are usually in a difficult and demanding situation emotionally or dealing with a newborn when these things happen and there are other priorities, but we should complain.

I think mine was locum/freelance as the (apparently wonderful) health visitor attached to my GP surgery had just retired and they had not yet appointed anyone else for the role.

She also point blank refused to advise me on whether I was making up the formula correctly (I wasn't and ended up getting the best advice here on mumsnet) saying "I am only allowed by law to advise you on breastfeeding". So in her view better to put the baby's health at risk than give any advice on formula feeding.

[marriedinwhite]

I'd rather like to see the statute/Act that says health visitors are only allowed to advise on breastfeeding. That really is something you should have asked for further clarification about.

[TheQueenOfDiamonds]

Yanbu. I haven't seen one since my son was 16 weeks, and that was only for vacs. I haven't had him weighed since then either.

[Lambzig]

married yes even I knew that was absolute nonsense at the time, but by then just wanted to get rid of her.

[Kaloobear]

We hadn't seen an HV for months (since whatever the last home visit is after having a baby-8 weeks or so?) and last week I randomly got rung up by one who I'd never met or heard of. DD is now almost a year old. She invited herself round, despite me saying we were fine, (though I obviously wasn't very forceful as I was embarrassed!) and then when she got here it was clear she was checking up because I have PND. That's fine in itself, but what pisses me off is that I haven't told the HV team, they never did the questionnaire thing with me and I've only ever spoken to the GP about it. So blatantly my confidential medical files have been shared without my permission.

[RevoltingPeasant]

Apparently they are now not allowed to give advice about bottle feeding. A close friend of mine is friends with an HV and friend was retailing this to me, shocked.

Obviously hearsay but sounds right from what is said on here.

Utterly ridiculous!

[ZhenThereWereTwo]

First time round I saw HV until dd1 was 5 weeks, she hasn't seen one since.

When dd2 was born I spoke to HV who came and visited once, but she was very sensible and didn't do all the talking down to you stuff. I only take dd2 to be weighed out of curiosity now when I feel like it, if I need advice I will ask a doctor or family.

You don't need to let them in and you can request a new HV, but given that this is number 3 you know if your baby is feeding well, putting on weight so don't bother at all if you don't want to.

If they turn up uninvited again tell them politely but firmly to go away and stop turning up without pre-arranged appt.

[wiggofan]

Kaloobear - medical information is freely shared between the primary health care team (HV, MW, GP, practice nurses) without needing permission from patient. It doesn't seem ethical but it's what happens. This isn't always ever made clear. In some areas they use the same computer system to record consultations so its all there for them to see.

[Birdsgottafly]

So blatantly my confidential medical files have been shared without my permission

Your health files cen be shared between any relevent professionals in Children's and Families services, on a need to know basis, which the HV's come under, that isn't something that you can opt out, the GP makes that decision based on guidelines.

[5madthings]

i do know that when i had pnp and was hospitalised after the birth of ds4, i was asked to sign a disclaimer saying they could share info with my hv and anyone else relevant.

[Kaloobear]

Wiggofan that's good to know though it makes me HVs are essentially social workers right? No medical experience? I don't see why they should have access to my health records at all. Actually, having said they're essentially social workers, they're not really are they. I don't really know what their job is. To show up once in a while and ask prying questions as far as I can tell.

[lljkk]

I think it was entirely reasonable of the HV to call around as she did. And to bring up those topics, although maybe not how she brought them up.

Perhaps her manner could have been more kindly, more "Would it help you to know that..." statements. Based on the fact you didn't like her manner, it might be worth meeting other HV (they share duties anyway, ime, if working same area, so it's not like you're stuck with one or the other). But I wouldn't hold out hopes of liking a different HV any better.

[lisad123]

In all my years I have never known a HV to visit on a Sunday!! Are you sure she's a Hv???

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

kaloo HVs are trained nurses. Not social workers at all.

lisa hv didn't come round today.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

Health visitors are qualified nurses and the current HV course involves studying to masters level.

[Birdsgottafly]

HVs are essentially social workers right? No medical experience?

No they aren't, they are now usually from a medical background, nursing etc.

They are now involved with first tier safeguarding and in CP cases have a role, but they are in no way SW's.

They comeunder the umbrella of Children and Family services and health, that is why they are connected to Children's Centre's and/or GP's.

They do not have the power or influence of SW, they can make recomendations to SS, but that will be investigated as any referal is.

I work with very good HV's, but have persnally had bad experiences.

[amybelle1990]

HV's are registered nurses or midwives that take extra training to become a HV. It's not illegal for the GP to share the information with relevant health care professionals, but they should inform you when this happens and they should inform you about any visits that they would like to carry out.

[lisad123]

Hv are nothing like sw!