do not like being called first name by my friends kids

[dafi]

well....

I get called Mrs Scum so rarely it takes me a second to realise people are talking to me when they say it.

'many wouldn't have understood'

I can understand why that would be a difficult concept to teach. Almost on a par with long division!

Do none of you who prefer Mrs ... consider yourselves to be friends with any children? I do, and feel very privileged when my kids' friends or friends' kids feel secure enough with me to chat with me on an equal basis. I certainly don't ask my friends t call me 'Mrs Bingo'!

Any why the 'respect for elders' thing? Surely there should be more than just your age that marks you out for respect? Hitler was older than a lot of people and I think most people would agree he wasn't worthy of any respect?

IMO, being trained to respect all adults simply because of their age is what puts children in danger, and adults as well, for that matter. It's what makes us blindly trust in authority even when it's wrong or unjust. And it's what makes children say 'yes please Mr Child Molester' like a little automaton instead of using their judgement, which has probably been totally annihilated by anally retentive parents who think children are lesser beings.

People should have to earn respect.
It should not be given on the basis of age, sex, race etc....

Badvoc - I respect strangers until I have evidence that I shouldn't. What do you do?

OP YANBU.
I am called Mrs BehindYou. To the childminder, the mum called you 'miss whatever' to ensure there was a gap between you so you could keep order. I can't stand people who are determined to address everybody the same way - it's presumptious.

Flamingo, I think molesters are a little more complicated than taking advantage of relaxed manners.

For goodness sake jeezy-it is a quick throwaway line that gets the point in 2 words-it isn't a lecture!

I always thought it a bit common to refer to those that weren't the siblings of your parents as aunt or uncle

I cannot think of a single circumstance in which I would refer to someone as mr or ms X. So seems odd that I would expect my DC to to the same

What would you expect your dc to call their teachers SaraBellum? What would you call these teachers in front of your dc?

Having said that I have worked in a role where no one would ever have referred to me by my first name only. Don't know what that means really

I loved in when they were little and struggled to say our names. I get called Kanga (like from Winnie the pooh) a lit by weenies its so cute.

I far prefer ChippingIn, though most of my friends call me Chip, which I don't mind... but it's not as nice as ChippingIn (it's not a real name as an abreviation - it's more of a 'Sar' for Sarah than a Sam for Samantha).

I really dislike Mrs NeedsCoffee and simply detest 'Miss' or 'Auntie' as a stand alone from strange kids (common in some cultures).

I like Aunty ChippingIn from friends kids, it's sweet, but totally leave that up to them/their parents - plain old ChippingIn is fine. It's funny though when kids 'test' using Chip - they always do it with a 'can I call you that' look

I find it strange that some people think you say mr & mrs out of respect, and should continue even if they have asked you not to. That is the ultimate disrespect, ignoring people's wishes.

Surely it's just common sense - you (and your DC) call everyone what they want to be called.

Thing is Mockingjay, if you start off saying Mr & Mrs (or other title) it's easy for them to say "You can just call me Bertha." But if you start of saying "Bertha" it's harder for them to say, "Actually I find that inappropriate, please call me Mrs X".

Fair point AllPastYears.

I do think though that if you start off with Mr and Mrs as a child, then you're pretty much stuck with it, even when the child becomes an adult. There are a couple of my mum's old friends who I try to call by their first names now (because they have asked), but it's just too late and they're imprinted as 'Mrs X'. So you have to be happy for increasingly older people to call you Mrs

I would hate DD's friends calling me Mrs xxx. Would feel very odd. I work in a school, been a teacher and all that - so Mrs xxx for me is my work name, not my at home name.

So DD's friend's call me by my first name.

I have taught DD that you call an (non family) adult Mr/Mrs xx until they invite you to do otherwise. Everyone of DD's friends parents ask her to call her by their first name, which she then does.

I am grinning away here trying to remember what I call people and what they call me, I think most of DS's friends used to speak through them when young as in 'ask your mum if....' now they use my name and one or two who have known me forever use an abbreviated version which tbh makes me a bit as I have never asked them to and don't really use it much at all myself. I went through anxious moments when I met DH mum and dad as I found it hard to use their first names and have realised that I spent years avoiding addressing them by name, bizarre I know but its only fairly recently that I do it and been married now for 22years my DS's call most people by name now but when little it was xx's mum/dad one or two close friends we call auntie/uncle but in an amusing way rather than formally. I agree we should tell folk how we want to be addressed and use Mr / mrs/ miss as default.

YABU.

"Do none of you who prefer Mrs ... consider yourselves to be friends with any children"

hand on heart, flamingo - no, I have no 10 or 12 or so year old friends.

I am 38 year old mother of 2. What on earth would I have in common with a 12 year old? (and yes, I know how snooty that sounds. What on earth would I have in common with a 12 year old but what would I? What would we talk about? What experiences would we share? What history would we have? What jokes would we enjoy? What advice could they give me if I was upset?)

I could be nice to a child and I hope I am. I can be kind to them. I can be thoughtful. But they can never be my friend.

Although I do love the lego I build a cracking house. Patio and everything.

I would be more than happy to tell my children to call one of my dfriends by whatever name my friend wanted them to. I am happy with being called by my first name most of the time. It should be down to the individual and they shouldn't be pilloried for it. I don't think that it's the only way to show respect but there are certainly times when it helps, and some people have older or younger friends, so I wouldn't expect my children to call my 90 year old neighbour by her first name even though she comes round for coffee and we go there.

...and following on from that, I'd be more wary of strange adults that wanted to be "friends" with my children.

snort

This thread is making me laugh. I have visions of 80 year old dames being offended by this.

OP YADBU!

I have a very close group of friends and have known all their dc since they were born. All the kids have always called all the grownups by their first names. One of them has started at a school which is very hot on calling adults by their surnames and has now, after 6 years, started calling me Mrs X. I find it deeply weird and vaguely uncomfortable.

As a child, I called my godmother and actual aunts Auntie, and my teachers Mrs. All other adults went by their first name. I also went to school in Malta for a bit, where there were only about three surnames on the whole island, so to avoid confusion we had to call the teachers Mrs (or Miss) first name. That was also a bit weird.

Liege, I dread to think how you'll cope when you encounter something genuinely weird.