To think this is a massive overreaction?

[Justme23]

A friend of mine was in tears last night (at a bloody barbecue of all places) because she is having doubts about her almost one year marriage.

Basically her husband suggested recently that she ahem, trim her pubic hair and start taking care of herself a bit more.

She feels he is completely out of order for asking this, he has also said he is struggling to find her attractive any more, that she has completely let herself go since the wedding.

It is true, without sounding like a bitch, she has.
She has put on a lot of weight, no longer wears makeup unless it's a formal do, her hair is never styled and she does tend to live in polo shirts and the same pair of jeans and trainers. She admitted to me not long ago that she hasn't shaved her legs in months and we all could see yesterday that her armpits were well and truly neglected.

She used to be so well turned out and her husband used to be the first to say how beautiful she was and how proud he was to have her.

Their sex life used to be crazy but now is pretty non existent, she said he isn't interested any more.

Yesterday she (hysterically crying) told me she felt he was being disrespectful, nasty, cruel and evil and that she thinks she wants a divorce...

AIBU for thinking she is being very short sighted.

I certainly wouldn't be happy if DP married me and then turned Into a slob and after telling DP last night he agreed and said he could completely see her husbands point of view and would probably feel the same.

???

I find trolls quite sad. Well actually that's not true. Some people post an obvious troll for giggles and you know that they're likely just a kid or immature but have a life.

Devoting the time to make up an entire story about your 'life,' the people in it, the situations you get into just to antagonise one group of people? (In this case, women) indicates you have serious issues and need help. I mean, it basically says:

A. You need a fantasy life to be happy.
B. You only find happiness through hurting others
C. You have a serious issue with women, and there must be a reason.

So I pity most trolls. I don't think they're well.

You say you know "for a fact" that she isn't depressed, and "it is a bit of an effort to get her out for activities". It sounds to me like you are the sort of "friend" I would definatly rather be without. You don't know "for a fact" that she isn't depressed. Maybe she doesn't want you harassing her to come out with you all the time.Maybe she only gives in occasionally out of kindness to you?

wtaf - someone (let's hope fictional) has had a very very nasty injury to their leg, which will have been very painful for months. but how dare they wear comfortable clothes/not shave etc.

You fancy the husband, you fancy the husband! You've always been jealous of your prettier 'friend' with her doting husband and now you're more jealous than ever because she's mortgage-free and free to 'lounge around' and doesn't even bother to shave her legs...

On a lighter note, I love your username digestiveswithphiledelphia :o

Ha ha Digestives I think you have hit the nail on the head.

Justme is the husband, HAS to be the husband!

prepares to be slated yanbu. If dh said that to me he would get a wallop and I would make some similar suggestions to boost his ego :D

Hmm a tough one,

Its worrying that she has avalanche d into slob mode so fast after marriage, maybe there is something deeper?

How does he treat her in the marriage? did his attitude change? become more chauvinistic??.

Oh wow, now I'm a troll..

Seriously, the sheer hypocrisy in here is astounding.

What Nursey said

I'd be pissed off if my husband asked me to shave off my pubic hair and told me he didn't find me attractive.

It would make me find him very un-attractive and I too would be upset and considering if the relationship was worth it. He sounds like a twat.

Where's the hypocrisy justme

You can call it straight talking all you want but rest assured you would probably be the last person on earth your friend would confide in if she was depressed therefore you cannot know for a fact that she isn't.

Not from everybody, and I value an opinion if it has a point to it, but silly little remarks whilst doing exactly what you (not you in particular) are slating me for, are tiresome and pathetic.

And it's also rather tiresome that a certain amount of posters still CANNOT READ. How an " injury" becomes a "very severe injury" etc...

I still stand by my statement that is not unreasonable to ask your husband/wife/partner to trim their pubes! Certainly not a reason to divorce.

"Not from everybody, and I value an opinion if it has a point to it"

Translation: "if it's in agreement with me"

And i can for a fact know that my friend is not depressed.

Otherwise the organisations who handed me both my doctorates are in the wrong business.

What I mean is, if I were her, I would never confide in anyone as "straight talking" as you if I were having emotional problems as you seem to find it ridiculous.

And btw it's possible to not know everything even if you have professional qualifications.
It's also possible to have a doctorate and still be a uncaring person.

Doctorates in what OP?

One in mental healthcare wordfactory :) the other one is a secret ;)

Yes tantrumsandolympicgoldballons you are spot on, but I really DO know. I also know her hubby has low level OCD and she should really be more understanding but IMO that isn't relevant to this.

I like to think my friends respect that about me. They do also realise I spend a large amount of my time (nit so much now though) being a therapist and unless they want to pay me for the privilege then it's going to be straight down the line (don't get me wrong, the night she was upset I spent hours making sure she was okay and she did stop crying when I told her to). Nine times out of ten sympathy is not constructive.

Hmmm. It's an odd practioner that would ever state they know somehting as concrete fact vis a vis mental health problems.

"she did stop crying when I told her to"

You told her to?! As in, gave her an instruction?