To think it's not "sick" tO have a bath with 12 week old DS

[HeidiHole]

Tonight I hopped in the bath with 12 week old son. He loved it, I loved it but I mentioned it to my husband and he said its "sick" for mother and son to share a bath.

He said even though baby is so small he still can't get his head around a mum and a son being in a bath together, the thought was odd.

DH also said he would never share a bath with DS or future children which I think is sad for both of them.

So I said I'd ask on mumsnet. AIBU to bathe with my baby? Have you? And has or does your partner ever have a bath with the kids. I think somehow because DHs own dad was an emotionless distant father who wouldn't in a million years do something like bathe with his baby he imagines all dads are the same.

For what it's worth I vaguely remember baths with my dad and mum (not at same time!) as a toddler/very young child so maybe that colours my view?

YANBU.

Either DH or I regularly bathe with our DC's (4 and 1).

I may be wrong but I'm certain I read somewhere that it is supposed encourage self esteem. We are regularly naked around our two, I think it's important for them to see this as normal and not be embarrassed by their body.

I haven't bathed with DD purely because I can't get my head round the logistics of getting her and myself washed and getting out together - what would I do with her while I washed my hair and self??? (she's 7 months)

She's showered with DP though!

I must admit to being a bit funny about nudity in front of DSS though (he's 7) as I know that his Mum is very odd about nudity in front of him. The last thing I want is him going home and telling his Mum that he saw my boobies/bum/fanjo

DSS and DD bathe together regularly though but sadly he is a bit weird about not wanting to see her "mini" although he will happily do the winky dance to all and sundry

What a shame your DH feels like this.

I remember my BIL once going absolutely mad because when my sister came and stayed with me my DS, niece (both 3 ish) and baby nephew had all had a bath together, so it seems he's not the only one who feels like this.

My DH often has baths with DD, who is 14 months and they both love it, it's lovely they can spend that time together and as I am breastfeeding, that is 'their thing' and especially was when DD was younger.

To me it is not so much about whether or not somebody choses to have a bath with their child, but about the reasons why not or, indeed, why. Like I said upthread I have have very, very few baths with any of my boys as I don't like baths (the last bath I had was after I had delivered DS3 - he is now 3 1/2 years !).

I have had baths with my dad (up to preschool age-ish), my brother (early primary school age) and an assortment of cousins (male and female) and friends (female).

Just out of interest, OP: does your DH every change his son's nappy? Or does he feel about you doing it? How would he 'cope' with having a daughter?
I do think the word 'sick' is significant here, tbh: he did not say 'oh, I don't fancy that', he said 'you're sick to do that' which would make me go ...

Pardon typos - DS4 is 'helping' me type

Oh that's really sad, the bath is the one time in our house when we get a good catch up and play time, i breast fed both of my DS in the bath, it was lovely - we still all pile in and my eldest is 8 now, he's still cool with it and wants me or DH in the bath sometimes, my youngest 5 has just asked for a cold bath to cool down and I'm tempted to jump in!!

I am happy to share a bath with my DS's aged 2 and 6. And with DD age 8. I suspect though that my days of sharing a bath with DS1 are numbered though, but with a 12 week old baby, your DH has a problem, not you.

I showered with my 3 and 5yo yesterday, we were all hot and its less effort to get in that help them from the outside clothed.

When they were small I bathed with them most times as I found it easier than reaching into the bath (bad back) to hold a slippy baby.

A 12 week old? 12 weeks? Good golly gosh. Your husband needs to have a bit of a think here.

Not only do I not agree that it is sick, I personally found it physically safer and easier to be in with the slippery baby, than leaning in over the side, trying to support with one hand, and wash with the other. It's much better to be keeping the baby's head above water with one hand and your lap.

He'd think my DDs dad was a sicko. He (shock horror) bathes with our DD who is nearly 3.

In all seriousness I think your DH needs to talk this view through with a psychiatrist. From what you've said about his own father he has inherited some serious ishoos....

Having a bath with your baby or young child is a lovely bonding time. I feel really sad for your DH. He must have had a very emotionally damaging childhood to think something so innocent is "sick"!

Does he have many friends or colleagues who are dads to young children? Or do you have any local dads groups? I think it would be good for your DH to spend time with other dads so he can chat with his peers and see how most families live their lives. He sounds loving to your DS which is a good start, but definitely needs some advice and support. Would he considering any talking therapy with a counsellor, therapist or phone help line maybe?