To think it's not "sick" tO have a bath with 12 week old DS

[HeidiHole]

Tonight I hopped in the bath with 12 week old son. He loved it, I loved it but I mentioned it to my husband and he said its "sick" for mother and son to share a bath.

He said even though baby is so small he still can't get his head around a mum and a son being in a bath together, the thought was odd.

DH also said he would never share a bath with DS or future children which I think is sad for both of them.

So I said I'd ask on mumsnet. AIBU to bathe with my baby? Have you? And has or does your partner ever have a bath with the kids. I think somehow because DHs own dad was an emotionless distant father who wouldn't in a million years do something like bathe with his baby he imagines all dads are the same.

For what it's worth I vaguely remember baths with my dad and mum (not at same time!) as a toddler/very young child so maybe that colours my view?

I never bathed with my dc, because I never worked out how to get them out and dry, whilst getting out myself and stuff. [complicated]

But I remember having baths with my Dad fondly, we used to squirt empty shampoo bottles at each other.

I don't think it's odd and definitely not 'sick' to bath with your own baby.

I bathed with mine and oddly sometimes they still jump is at 5 and 9years. But dh wouldn't bath with them passed about 1year

The way I see it is this. You bath your ds? so whats the difference if you're in the bath or on the perimeter you still have to see to his (washing) needs. May as well wash yourself at the same time I know that it can be hard to find time with a young baby. Also tell dh you're saving on the energy bills.

Your DH doesn't have to follow the same route as your FIL Heidi, my FIL is so very awkward with his family, despite seeing DD every week he has held her once in 21 months, just last week he refused to toast his DDs engagement round a dinner table as he didn't know what to say . DP has broken the mould and is bloody fantastic with DD, I love to see them playing tea parties together

I bath with my ds who is almost 6 months and plan to continue. Both dh and I have since he was a tiny baby...it's a natural way to bond not to mention easier and convenient too.

In fact, it was recommended to me, as was any other skin to skin contact, by a breastfeeding specialist.

It's sad that he thinks this is sick...he shouldn't make the same mistakes with his children that his own Dad seems to have done with him.

Sorry OP your DH is very sad. I always bathed with dds until they got too big as did my DH. My DD and her son live with us and as soon as dgs hears water, bath or shower he is stripped in seconds demanding too get in he doesn't care who it is and we all love it.

It's practical as much as bonding. I can't physically hold DD from the side if the bath anymore. She's 7m and way too active. I need to be in the bath with her to keep her safe (and it's way more fun).

It's really sad that he'd use the word "sick" for something so utterly normal and natural.

I feel awfully sorry for your husband, I hope he can think about this and try to change his mindset here.

bathing together is fun!
my ex thought it was slightly weird with his daughter, so would keep his pants on.......

5mad I suppose I felt a responsibility to his birth mum and thought ow hard it would be for her. I also thought he would be going back to her in a few months.
If I knew what I do now I wouldn't have hesitated.
Bu I wanted to believe she was just a bit mixed up.
I do feel guilty for not always putting him first. But to be brutally honest, no other fecker was.
His needs seemed to be waaaay down on the list despite all the bloody talk mod 'best interests of the child'

It still upsets me when I think back. Poor little bugger.

aww i am sure you did and are doing your best. as i said i have always just co-slept and couldnt imagine not doing it, but i think i would feel funny about doing it knowing i wasnt supposed to me, but god all that getting up in the night and settling them in a cot would kill me!

Shared bathtime is completely normal, completely natural and completely lovely. It's up to him whether or not he wants to bathe with your son, but he absolutely shouldn't taint your experience with a word like 'sick', and I do hope he can overcome his upbringing in his own role as a father.

I guess it's okay that he prefers not to bathe with his kids, but to describe you doing so as "sick" is really quite insulting and rather warped.

I bathed with both mine regualrly as small babies - not least because I found it a lot easier practically to wash them when I was already sat in the water than leaning over and trying to safely hold on to them when they were wet and slippery and my back was hurting. Once I washed them I'd then pass them to DP to dry .... and add a bit more hot water for myself.

Since then I sometimes share baths ..... my 8 year old daughter sits at one end while I stand at the other having a (with the plug in) - so shoot me. It's just quicker to do it that way .... she can wash herself while I'm washing me, then once I've hopped out I'll help her rinse her (very long) hair properly. Seems silly to otherwise waste water and time by doing consecutive baths/showers when it's not as if either of us are covered in mud or anything.

I'll be guided by her .... when she becomes uncomfortable I'll respect that. for now, while she still isn't 100% independent bath-wise (because of the hair!) it's just often a time saving thing to share.

hugo it's the only use I ever found for a baby bath. Line it with towels, pop baby in it, put it across the bath (if it fits) or just beside the bath if not. Then you get into the bath, kneel up to scoop the baby out one handed (brace yourself against the bath with the other hand). Return baby the same way. Very easy if baby bath can sit across big bath, a bit more wriggly but still do-able if not.

Ann the secret is a small bedroom with a cot wedged in next to the bed. Just had to stick my hand through the bars

ah genius! i guess i could get one of those cots that goes up the side of your bed, and side car cots i think they are called? thats if its something we ever end up doing, it certainly isnt something i would consider until mine are much older.

YANBU, he is.

I have always bathed with both my children DD and DS, and so has DH. DD is aged 6, DS is aged 2.5. I cannot get into the bath without them stripping off and running to the bathtoy box and chucking in stuff in.

Occasionally we all have a bath, DD, DS, DH and I, as we do have quite a big tub, but not often as it makes such a mess. And now, I get them both to wash my hair, and brush it, like little mini pamperers in the bath!

I remember having baths with my mum growing up, and so did my other siblings, dad was not in my life so no baths with him

Your DH is going to miss out on such a fabulous bonding experience with his son. But that does not mean you have to. He really needs to consider his hangups and what they are all about, and get over it.

No, I wouldn't. They need so much of your time. I will be ancient by the time mine are old enough anyway will never have a spare room :(
Never mind..

Are you going to show your DH this thread OP? Nothing to be ashamed of here, and certainly not sick.

i bathed with my eldest till he was about 4, he's 12 now and whilst no longer bathing together, when im in the shower he doesn't think twice about running in to the bathroom to pee quickly then out again. I dream of the day when i have my own en-suite.

I feel very sad for your dh op. How on earth can it be 'sick' many mums are still breastfeeding at this age.

Ds is 4 and I would still bathe with him, we don't tend to purely because it annoys me but sometimes he likes to hop in, he also likes to hop in the bath with my bf. I will stop when he gets to an age where he seems to be becoming aware atm he is obvlivious to whether people have clothes on or not.

I share with ds2 occasionally. He's 3.

I sometimes have ds1 and ds2 leaping in the shower straight after me. Ds1 is nearly 7. so I'm in shower (big walk in one) and they turn up (ds2 with his umbrella because he finds it a bit fierce) and strip off and get under the shower while I finish washing my hair and get out.

Ditto dd (she's 9). She's still happy to share baths occasionally with ds1 and ds2 unless they're particularly grubby When she says she isn't, then she won't.

I don't think I'm/it's sick. It's the kindlf thing someone would say if they have hang ups.

I've shared a bath with my best friends 3 year old dd. Imagine what he'd think of that! I had a bath when I was staying at my friends and she decided she wanted to join me! And show me all her bath toys/point out my 'biiig booobies'!!

"I feel very sad for your dh op. How on earth can it be 'sick' many mums are still breastfeeding at this age."

Indeed. In fact as soon as we get in the lovely warm bath my daughter latches on! Double whammy of closeness!

Aw, I have a bath with DS (20 months). I also bathed with DD till she was about three. DD sometimes goes in the bath with DS. I didn't think anything of it.