To think it's not "sick" tO have a bath with 12 week old DS

[HeidiHole]

Tonight I hopped in the bath with 12 week old son. He loved it, I loved it but I mentioned it to my husband and he said its "sick" for mother and son to share a bath.

He said even though baby is so small he still can't get his head around a mum and a son being in a bath together, the thought was odd.

DH also said he would never share a bath with DS or future children which I think is sad for both of them.

So I said I'd ask on mumsnet. AIBU to bathe with my baby? Have you? And has or does your partner ever have a bath with the kids. I think somehow because DHs own dad was an emotionless distant father who wouldn't in a million years do something like bathe with his baby he imagines all dads are the same.

For what it's worth I vaguely remember baths with my dad and mum (not at same time!) as a toddler/very young child so maybe that colours my view?

Wow, I'm astonished anyone would think any parent sharing a bath with their baby was "sick".

What on earth does he think of breast feeding or changing nappies? What a strange attitude to have.

I'd be really concerned if I were you op. If your dh can't see why his attitude and feelings are ridiculous ...... Goodness, he has proper issues :(

wish my two would let me bath alone as soon as they hear the water running there straight in their!

I tried but DS (10mo) is far too interested in pulling/twisting my nipples!

How odd...easily the safest way till bathe a baby too big for the sink too

I also feel sorry for your DH. To think that a mum bathing with her 12 week old is "sick" is not usual, not at all!

On what basis does he think it's sick?

He could do with some help and support to understand the effects of his own childhood on his attitudes and feelings - from you and/or counselling.

I'm glad to hear he's a cuddly dad, that's nice :)

DD still hops in the bath with me, she's almost three. DS shared baths with me until he was about 6 or 7, then it was just too cramped for comfort!

it is normal, reasonable, even sensible to bath with your very young children. stop when you or they are becoming uncomfortable - it takes years.

would your dh consider some exploratory analysis, to find out why he is so wound up about this?

I love the thought of sharing a bath with DSs (4 and 2).

BUT, when they were babies, I was totally paranoid about newborn poo (ewww!), both of mine just seemed to poo constantly. Now they just take up too much room and it gets cold .

There was a huge corner bath in the villa we went to on holiday. Took ages to fill, but that was lovely, we shared that bath.

I don't bother putting clothes on when either of my 2 (5 and nearly 3) come into our bed. That would probably be just as 'sick'

I found it the safest way to bathe mine when they were tiny.

both DH and I were raised in 'naked houses' so it's not really something we think about. :)

Me too, nagoo. Babies are slippery little buggers! mine regularly shot out of my hands like a wet bar of soap and went skittling the full length of the bath!

Getting in there and having them on my legs was a far easier way of bathing them.

There's nothing sick about it.

There is something to be addressed in someone who sees an infant in water with its mother, being bathed by her and thinks 'sick'

That is one of those things that says more about them than you!

Your husband needs to think about why he thinks it's 'sick' and what exactly he means by 'sick'

sick = disgusting, disturbing, unnatural, revolting.

If that is what he thinks - he should really work on that.

Each to their own, but it's not 'sick'. DS2 got in the shower with me everyday as soon as he could get in their himself and insisted on wearing his swimming armbands! :)

In there not their!

It's definitely not sick. You gave birth to him for goodness sake!?!?!!!!

Of course is not sick at 12 weeks! It's practical, and lovely.

I think I would draw the line at around 5/6 though, depending on the child.
Ds(6) still sees me naked sort of incidentally, if he wanders in my room when I am getting dry or whatever, but I couldn't share a bath with him because he is far too interested in my "ladybits" (I know, I know).

Him, wearing silly grin "I can see your ladybits"
Me: Yes, because I am naked.
Him, still wearing silly grin and reaching out "can I touch..."
Me "No! You have your private parts and I have mine"
Silence
Him "I can see your boobies..."
Ad infinitum until I chuck him out. He also tried to walk in on my friend when she had a shower at our house, because he wanted to see her bellybutton, apparently.
Innocent it may be, comfortable it is not.

I don't think it's weird either, but neither I nor dp has ever done it

Nothing wrong with him not wanting to, its a shame his upbringing has made him feel that way but in itself, nothing wrong with his choice.

What is wrong, and frankly worrying, is that he called it sick. Sick is NOT the same thing as odd. Odd is maybe curious and strange or eccentric, sick means something else entirely.

He only changed to saying it was odd after you challenged him, but his first unguarded thought was that it was sick.

I would be seriously gutted to find out my dh had such fucked up thougts.

My son is 9 and has only just stopped jumping in the bath with me. If it was big mouth I have no doubt he still would.

No problem at all to share a bath.

DH very kindly says I can post about the last time he shared a bath with DS.

The reason it was the last time is because DS had a huge screamy tantrum when DH wouldn't let him pull his willy. It put DH off the shared bathing thing a bit.

I was folding washing up in the bedroom at the time and pissing myself laughing too much to be of any use.

the fact he calls it 'sick' is worrying

I bathed with my dd since she came out of nicu and it provided a way to bond, she is now two and climbs in to my bath whenever she wants. it's fun!

I do think you need to get to the bottom of his attitude before ds gets much older- you really don't want your boy to inherit this mindset.

dh won't share a bath with dd, it's his loss quite honestly but I do wonder if it would be different if dd was a ds

Ds aged 6 still jumps in the bath with me, he is slowly going off it loves his space

skin to skin contact is good for bonding with babies and with ds when he was a baby it saved me getting out of the bath to feed

I've never bathed with my DS (1 and 3.5) but I shower with them quite often (particularly if it's the morning and they are filthy as it saves time etc). The baby loves the shower and if he's given free reign of the house he'll more often than not head towards the shower in our ensuite (he can open the door of that one).

I have also had a shower in the bathroom when they have been in the bath (keeping a close eye on them throughout).

It was one of my favourite bits of the day when DS was that age. He was a tricky baby but always enjoyed baths with me. The thought of it used to keep me going all day. Enjoy it!