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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not "sick" tO have a bath with 12 week old DS

188 replies

HeidiHole · 17/08/2012 22:06

Tonight I hopped in the bath with 12 week old son. He loved it, I loved it but I mentioned it to my husband and he said its "sick" for mother and son to share a bath.

He said even though baby is so small he still can't get his head around a mum and a son being in a bath together, the thought was odd.

DH also said he would never share a bath with DS or future children which I think is sad for both of them.

So I said I'd ask on mumsnet. AIBU to bathe with my baby? Have you? And has or does your partner ever have a bath with the kids. I think somehow because DHs own dad was an emotionless distant father who wouldn't in a million years do something like bathe with his baby he imagines all dads are the same.

For what it's worth I vaguely remember baths with my dad and mum (not at same time!) as a toddler/very young child so maybe that colours my view?

OP posts:
drcrab · 17/08/2012 22:14

He's sick. Not you. I bath with my 4.5 year old DS and my nearly 2 year old dd. v regularly. Saves water, time and it's fun!!

5madthings · 17/08/2012 22:15

your dh is mad!

i bath with my little two occasionally who are 4 and 20mths and infact ds3 who is 7 would probably get in with me still.

the elder 2 dont bath with me, but if i am in the bath and they want to chat they will come in and sit on the edge of the bath and talk to me, not bothered about seeing me naked.

Chubfuddler · 17/08/2012 22:15

I think the fact your Dh considers it sick, is in itself sick. He can only be thinking there's some sort of jollies involved, which is more than a little odd.

AlmostAHipster · 17/08/2012 22:15

Sorry but your OH is being mental.

RabbitsMakeBrownEggs · 17/08/2012 22:15

The only thing that's sick about it is when they poop and you can't escape. I think your husband needs his head seeing to for his comment, it's totally natural to bathe with your children, both of mine loved it, particularly my water anxious child.

CrikeyOHare · 17/08/2012 22:15

Oh good grief - how absolutely ridiculous!

When my DS was a tiny baby my GP told me that was the best way to bath him - with me!

Your DH is being extremely silly. Try not to take any notice. Bathing with your baby is a lovely experience.

SchrodingersMew · 17/08/2012 22:15

Me and DP regulary bathe with 11mo DS. I love it and it makes things much easier.

Tell your DH to get a grip, it's not sick and I would hate to know what he's thinking to come to that word.

FFS just a short while ago your DS was living inside you in his own big bath. :o

letseatgrandma · 17/08/2012 22:15

He sounds incredibly childish to have that attitude!

Read him this...

www.amazon.co.uk/Minutes-Peace-Large-Family-audio/dp/1406320838

tiredteddy · 17/08/2012 22:16

It's fine and very normal to bath with your children. I have with both of mine so has their daddy. The youngest nearly 5 still jumps in when he can. The eldest 8 now to big for shared baths but happily showers with daddy. They will stop when they want to.

BrianButterfield · 17/08/2012 22:17

DS is 1 and a real water baby, and I hardly ever have a shower without him sat in the bottom of the bath playing with his toys and enjoying having the shower sprayed on him! Of course it's not weird.

usualsuspect · 17/08/2012 22:17

WTF?

Choufleur · 17/08/2012 22:18

Ds is 6. I sometimes still have a bath with him, so does dh. Your dh is being unreasonable

NatashaBee · 17/08/2012 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Littleprincessrocks · 17/08/2012 22:20

As soon as my son (2.7years) hears the bath running he strips off. He doesn't care who is in the bath, he will climb in with them. Me, DH and DD have got used to littleman jumping in.
I no longer bath with DD (aged nearly 6) as she is too big height wise. But up until she was 3 she liked to be in Daddy's bath.
Infact our HV even suggested DD share a bath with DH when she was new born, as it provided a bonding opportunity for them, and a relaxation break for me!
She said it does them good, as they gain a bit of water confidence, and they are safer as they can't get too deep floating just above their parent.
(I used to love bathing with either DC when they were breastfed.Miss it a bit now).

Herrena · 17/08/2012 22:21

I think your DH has ishoos.

DH has bathed with both DSs ever since they were tiny; DH is secretly an amphibian and loves his bath so it made sense for them to bathe in with him. I prefer showers but would have no objection to bathing with my boys (well admittedly I don't relish the idea of being kicked to death by DS1, but no objection in principle).

Maybe bring the subject up amongst family members whilst your DH is around and ask what they used to do when growing up - he might realise it's normal in his own family context if you approach it that way. Are his family a bit prudish too or is it just him?

princelypurpleparrot · 17/08/2012 22:21

OP your DH needs to get those issues sorted out as that is not a normal way of thinking. To not want to bathe with your child, fine. To say that it's "sick" takes it to a whole new level.

DH can often be found in the shower with our 2yo and 9mo as it's the easiest way of making sure everyone is washed!

Original poster
HeidiHole · 17/08/2012 22:23

Thank you for confirming my thoughts that a lot of mums AND dads bathe with their children! He has clarified he in no way believes there is anything sexual (obviously!) just that the thought of a son having had a bath with his mum is odd.

To answer someone's question I have no idea his thoughts on nudity. It makes me sad to think maybe he will always be desperate to cover up in front of DS. Or will think DS should leave the room before husband gets changed. Don't want son to be screwed up!

I believe that because his own father wasn't very tactile (no hugs or expression of love let alone a kiss) he may slide onto the same route. This has highlighted just how confused he is about "normal" parent child relationships! He does love DS hugely though. Gives him plenty of cuddles.

OP posts:
babybythesea · 17/08/2012 22:23

I don't bath with dd.
Mainly because I did it once with her as a baby and didn't really enjoy it - I like baths scaldingly hot, and I like to lie in there for hours reading, and I need to do practical things like shave. None of those fit with a young baby (except the stay in for hours bit and who wants to sit in lukewarm water for hours).
I tried again with her as a toddler, but I found the whole experience bloody uncomfortable - for such a small person she takes up an extortionate amount of room and I ended up squished against the taps. I didn't enjoy that one either.

So I don't.
Dh only ever has showers (he hates baths as he reckons it's unpleasant to sit in your own filth. I am worried by just how dirty he gets, or thinks he gets!).
I'd willingly shower with her but she thinks the shower is the tool of the devil.
And she hates hot water and has everything luke warm whereas I only like to wash in water that is stingingly hot.

We are incompatible bathers. So we don't. (Neither do I bath or shower with DH, for similar temperature related reasons. If the water is cold enough for him I go rigid with cold, and if it's warm enough for me he phones the burns unit to book himself a bed.)

We (me and DH, me and DD, Dh and DD) are however compatible in lots of other ways, which is good.

But I don't think there is anything remotely sick about it. I would love to do it, if only I could squeeze some enjoyment out of it. As it is, the message is "I don't share baths..."

lalaloopylou · 17/08/2012 22:23

I bath with my ds and hes 3 don't really see the point in running 2 separate baths, the only time we bathe Seperately is if I need to shave legs etc
Pretty strange that he would call it sick maybe he had a bad experience as a child but he certainly shouldnt make assumptions about you!

kittyandthefontanelles · 17/08/2012 22:25

Bath every night with my daughter. She's 9 months now. Have done it since 5 weeks old. Shower with her too. My husband has bathed with her twice but it's my domain really.

BerthaKitt · 17/08/2012 22:25

You carried your DS in your body for nine months up to just 12 weeks ago - how can it possibly be wrong to share a bath with him?

Your DH is being odd.

BroomForMyChin · 17/08/2012 22:25

His reaction is so weird that it makes me worry actually. My DP regularly baths with our 1 yr old DD. I remember bathing with my mum. It's perfectly natural.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 17/08/2012 22:27

I never have a bath so havent had one with DD. But when Im in the shower/having a wee she will be there chatting away. Usually asking questions like "when Im older will I have big boom booms like you" or "why dont you have a waggly tail?" (waggly tail = penis) :o :o

I am usually walking around naked in the mornings and so does she. Its important to me that she sees nudity as a normal thing. I never had this growing up.

My aunts have always bathed with their kids. I dont see how its sick. Hmm

hopenglory · 17/08/2012 22:28

What does he suggest - let the baby wash himself whilst you wait outside the door?

Sarahplane · 17/08/2012 22:28

Of course it's not sick to bathe with your baby. Perfectly normal and a lovely bonding experience.