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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want a national "Deadbeat Dad" register?

200 replies

bogeyface · 16/08/2012 23:44

Inspired by another thread and my response to it.

So many of us get royally screwed by these twats. So if you end up getting your maintenance being taken from your wages because you refused to co-operate then you go on the DBDR.

Yes yes, I know it wouldnt really work, but AIBU to wish it could be done to save other women from getting involved with these twats?

OP posts:
Inneedofbrandy · 16/08/2012 23:45

Good idea.

thekidsrule · 16/08/2012 23:47

yanbu

SoleSource · 16/08/2012 23:48

Yanbu great idea. Deadbeat Mums too.

youjusthaventearnedityetbaby · 16/08/2012 23:50

YANBU!!! :)

caramelwaffle · 16/08/2012 23:50

Well....perhaps a Deadbeat Parent register rather than DBD [although DBD is statistically more likely)

YADNBU

LadySybildeChocolate · 16/08/2012 23:51

Wine Can we include father's who bully their children, and then refuse to pay maintenance when said child become too afraid to see them?

Original poster
bogeyface · 16/08/2012 23:52

Sorry, yes I do agree that Dead Beat Parent would be more appropriate.

OP posts:
flow4 · 16/08/2012 23:53

Yesssssssssss! Grin Can we have a Dob in the Deadbeat Dads Hotline, too please?! Wink

Original poster
bogeyface · 16/08/2012 23:53

You can Ladysybil

You can also include those who use their children as weapons (Yes mums, that includes you too), those who use the courts to enforce rights they have no intention of using just to fuck up an ex and those who happily make their own children homeless in order to fund a new home and a new life.

OP posts:
FreudianSlipper · 16/08/2012 23:59

yanbu

how sad is our society that ds dad is seen as a great dad because he pays maintenance and sees ds once a week. he makes no more effort than that no even to call him but apparently he is great (and compared to many he is)

McHappyPants2012 · 16/08/2012 23:59

i feel screwed over by DH ex.

we put money in an account for DH's DD every month, ex has not gone to the CSA. But our family is never going to be complete i miss the little girl i bonded with. Her mum had other ideas. we went to court and cafcas and other court orders. the little girl came first and it was no fair to put her smack bang in the middle.

i would sell a kidney if it 100% made sure my DS and DD could have there older sister involved but it will never happen

McHappyPants2012 · 17/08/2012 00:04

must add i am happy putting the money into an account, feel screwed because i wouold rather ex having it to support her DD.

i also feel guilt because i wish the ex had the money to support her DD rather than a saving account ( went the the csa website)

Original poster
bogeyface · 17/08/2012 00:06

But he isnt a deadbeat McHappy, so he wouldnt be on the register.

THat said, why doesnt she get the money instead of it going into a savings account?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/08/2012 00:08

Wouldn't it be easier if women made more of an effort to get to know the man they're getting involved with properly?

For every deadbeat dad with children he doesn't pay for, there seems to be a woman willing to get pregnant with him.

If we spent a few more years getting to know them before living with them and starting families, perhaps we could make a more informed choice?

I include myself in that by the way as I got pregnant very quickly with my Ex Husband and found out what a dick he is half way through my pregnancy.

LadySybildeChocolate · 17/08/2012 00:10

You never really know a man until you're 8 month pregnant, in premature labour and he pisses off with someone else though, Worra. I don't regret having ds for a second, I do often wish he'd had a better father though.

Denise34 · 17/08/2012 00:11

IMO too many women are desperate for kids and willing to take chances on men that they know in their heart of hearts are not going to make good fathers.

SoleSource · 17/08/2012 00:15

I knew deadbeat dad for two years via mutual friends. Weived together sfter that for three years and was.with him for 12 in total. He didn't like having a disabled child.

WorraLiberty · 17/08/2012 00:15

I disagree Lady

I'm sorry that happened to you and I concur that it can happen with a man you've known for many years...but on the whole I think people tend not to spend enough time really getting to know a partner before living with them and choosing to have children.

Perhaps the cost of living apart might have something to do with it...or as Denise says, maybe they know in their heart of hearts.

LadySybildeChocolate · 17/08/2012 00:16

I don't know that many single parents, so can't comment on other people's situation.

McHappyPants2012 · 17/08/2012 00:16

thats the thing, nobody listens to his side of the story.

akaemmafrost · 17/08/2012 00:17

Hmmm worra I find that many men suddenly do a big about face once you're pregnant and "trapped". My ex was the perfect dh right up until I was four months pregnant. One day he came home from work and was a c*nt! It was like flicking a switch.

OP you are certainly NBU!

Original poster
bogeyface · 17/08/2012 00:17

I knew my ex for several years before we started going out. We then got married, had our DD and then split up (I left him, no one else involved). He was fine for the first 2 years. Then he met someone, and suddenly he had no time or money. He has spent every year since trying to avoid his responsibilities.

Tell the OP on the Chutney thread that she should have known him better. They were together 10 years when he got someone else PG, left her and started hassling her to abort their baby.

Ime, length of relationship is no guarantee against cuntness.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 17/08/2012 00:19

bogeyface

The problem is that McHappyPants2012 DP/H would be on your register as he gives no money/doesn't directly support his DC.

McHappyPants2012 · 17/08/2012 00:20

was the pregnancy planned.

Schoolworries · 17/08/2012 00:20

Quite a lot of people only reveal their true nature once they feel they have "got" you though. Such as through marriage or pregnancy as you have a tie to them.