to want a national "Deadbeat Dad" register?

[bogeyface]

Inspired by another thread and my response to it.

So many of us get royally screwed by these twats. So if you end up getting your maintenance being taken from your wages because you refused to co-operate then you go on the DBDR.

Yes yes, I know it wouldnt really work, but AIBU to wish it could be done to save other women from getting involved with these twats?

Yes BOF, I am majorly pissed off that my lunch consists of cauliflower rice and a crappy tiny portion of stupid curry.

GAH! DAMN THE CURRY! I AM SO ANGRYU!!!

Outraged - what do you mean? You make them aware that a condom is the only way to prevent pregnancy which they are in control of. That's it. That's all you need to say.

What would you tell your daughter about preventing pregnancy (and disease?)?

Why shouldn't men take responsibility for their reproduction? Why is that "sad"?

wineandroses you don't have to believe it, I know what she has spouted off, and I quote 'I don't need his money, but I will take it because I can', that sums up a lot for me. She is not shy and telling all and sundry about the situation.

Allthosedirtywords yes he is decent, he was very honest with her about not wanting the child, she made the decision to put herself in a position to get pregnant, bring the child into the world and assure him she didn't want a penny or any contact etc. She has gone back on that, over the years he could have tried to become involved (and indeed considered it at various points), fought for contact etc and disrupted her life with her new partner, but he never did, not because he couldn't give two figs about the child, but because he recognised it had the potential to be very disruptive to the child and her life.

He hasn't just ignored the fact he had a child, that makes it sound as though he was gleefully revelling in the fact he'd 'got away with it all'; he knew of the child's existence yes, but as far as he knew the child didnt know who he was, had a happy life with the mother and stepfather and he was neither wanted nor needed. He accepted that, has lived with it and thought all was fine until now.

I do not find it fair that the other can just decide to try and squeeze him for every penny now, insist on the no contact still, and on the whole be a nasty cow about it all?

It should be 'deadbeat dads'.

It is almost always them who abandon their offspring.

Why women give away their parental rights to these fuckwits I'm baffled to understand.

It should be 'deadbeat dads'

It is almost always them who abandon their offspring

There was a thread a while back about women who leave their kids, the responses were quite surprising and contradict your sentiments.
My Grandfather's mother walked out on him and his brothers, as did my Uncles wife, as did the XP of one of my best friends.

I'm not saying the majority aren't men, but almost always is inaccurate IMO.

I think we should have a

'parents who have more children with a new partner and decide they should be the main-parent and sideline the real-parent' register.

I find it more sad that I will have to explain to my daughter how much some women hate other women (as seen in this thread) than the fact I will have to tell my son to take responsibility for his own body and choices and also for whatever his body and choices may produce.

I will sign my twunty ex on the register, His only aim seems to be to impregnate as many women on the south coast of England as humanly possible. I can only assume that he thinks the sponsorship deals he will be offered on getting his world record for doing so will cover his sizeable maintenance arrears.

For the blame the woman brigade: we were together 5 years before we had DC, had bought flat etc

I wish their was a name & Shame campaign like they are trying to do in my town with dog-poo non picker uppers!

Ouraged, the only advice you need to give your sons is that if they do not want to make a baby and pay for it for the next 18 years, then they need to wrap it up in rubber. None of this ridiculous bullshit about women who lie. Your sons - and everyone else - are responsible for their own sexual health and contraception.

I'd tell my dd she needs to be on the pill and insist on a condom to prevent pregnancy and infection. Then she is in control of her own body.

But what worries me is this

Me - Son, you need to make sure you wear a condom so your new GF doesn't get pregnant and so you don't get any STIs.

DS - But we won't get any STIs, neither of us have ever been with anyone else and she's been to the docs to get the pill.

Me - Yes, I can see how you think that will protect you from becoming a Dad at 17, but it might not.

DS - Why not Mum? I know I've never had sex with anyone else so I can't give her an STI, and she tells me that she has never had sex with anyone else so she won't have an STI, and she said she knows that she has to take the pill correctly.

Me - What if she forgets to take a pill?

DS - Come on Mum, she's not stupid, she's just got As on her A levels!

What else is there left for me to say that will convince him that he really does need to wear a condom if I don't point out that she could be taking the pill wrong, or lying about taking the pill at all, or lying about having had sex before?

I can't imagine my future teenage sons taking my word as gospel on everything, so I have to say something that sounds convincing! Especially when he would probably prefer to believe that the pill is being uses effectively, because lets face it, condoms are bloody horrible!

ShiryKnot has made some excellent points.

And has brought FACTS to the discussion.

Cognitive dissonance indeed.

As the mother of a son, I will be telling him that if he does not wear a condom, he has chosen to possibly concieve a baby.

I don't care how manipulative the girl is. I don't care if she claims to be using the pill, the implant and the bloody contraceptive injections all at the same time. I don't care if she is telling the truth and is actually doing all of those things. If he doesn't use a condom, he has made his choice to have unsafe sex and that choice may result in pregnancy.

Its very simple people. Teach your sons to use a condom every time! If they don't, they only have themselves to blame.

I think dead-beat dad is as hyped as teenage single-mums.

Here are some facts.

2.3 Million households are eligible for Child Maintenance.

1.2 million use the CSA Which is about 70% successful.

Of the remaining 1.1 million.

6 in 10 have no arrangement.
2 in 10 have a private arrangement.
1 in 10 have a court order.

It doesn't state anywhere factually that 6 in 10 NRP refuse to pay maintenance.

So the 60% figure is for parents who don't use the CSA.
and also includes the 6% of fathers who don't even know they've had a child.

www.gingerbread.org.uk/uploads/media/17/6850.pdf

Gingerbread website.
'There are around 2.5 million households in Great Britain who are eligible to receive child maintenance.

4 Around 97 per cent of parents with the main responsibility for children
following separation (called ?parents with care? in the statutory child support system) are women.

5 Two-thirds of parents with care are aged between 30 and 44 years.

6 At present, 1.2 million of eligible households use the statutory maintenance service, run by the Child Support Agency (CSA), which is part of the Child Maintenance and Enforcement Commission (CMEC).

7 Of the families who do not use the CSA, a largescale survey found that around six in ten had no arrangements at all (and therefore receive no child maintenance); about three in ten had a private arrangement; and one in ten received child maintenance via a court order.'

Don't be silly Cake- where does that leave room for regretfully informing him that women are all scheming harpies, and the only one a boy can really trust is his mummy? Eh? Answer me that.

Women who lie about being on the pill are the lowest form of scum imaginable.

It's 2012. Women control their own fertility. There's no excuse for accidents or "accidents".

9/10 threads on mumsnet about this subject bring idiots you never knew existed out of the woodwork. Fact.

Teaching my son to take responsiblity for himself and his own contraception is not silly or telling him that women are scheming harpies.

7/10 statistics are made up.

End of.

I wish there was a male contraceptive pill, it would make the country such a better place to be.

I wouldn't blame my son if he was given no reason not to trust a girl and believed what she said.

That's victim blaming.

You can't blame someone for doing something wrong if they genuinely have no idea that they could be being lied to.

Would you blame anyone else for believing lies or would you blame the liar?

Doesn't it just, SuperB0F?!

Ah, the word "spiteful" is always happily bandied about in the same sentence as these single mothers.

Every single movement the mother makes after the father left, is forever is only driven through spite. Obviosly.

"That bitch, trying to make me be financially responsible and a provider for my own child. How spiteful"

(Cake, I was joking. Really hiding this thread now. MRAtastic )