to be lonely....?

[WoodlandHills]

I can't be the only one....can I?

I feel like a real sad case writing this, and I really don't want this post to come across as self pitying - but I hardly have any real friends.

Up till early this year I had a close friend who lived near me, she was probably the nearest thing I had to a "best friend" our DC were close too....but we had a big falling out, it turned out she was not the person I thought she was, and she moved away (not because of the fall out). There was no going back anyway after what happened. I was pretty traumatised tbh and spent many weeks very upset, it was awful.

I also have a long term childhood friend, we were very close growing up and into our 20's, she was probably also another "best friend" ...but the last few years we have really grown apart, not sure why. But I am always the one doing the organising meet ups etc, and she often lets me down. It's quite soul destroying making all the effort as I feel if I didn't, I would never see her.

I then have 3 or 4 casual friends, but I just don't really click with them. I like to see them, but often feel awkward around them, run out of things to say etc. I would say they are "mum friends" - and I don't think I would be friends with them if it wasn't for having DC the same age.

I also feel I am quite a walkover, almost as if to get people to like me - for example one of these "friends" I was seeing quite a lot, but I realised whenever she wanted to meet, she was asking me to take her places all the time (I have a car, she didn't) but recently she has bought a car I never hear from her. god writing this down makes me embarassed tbh.

The summer holidays have brought it home to me even more, particularly this year as last summer hols I spent a lot of time with my ex friend. I do work, but only 2 days a week, and my job is not sociable at all so have not made any friends through work. So whenever I am not at work I am home with the DC, I make the effort and take them out, swimming, park, soft play etc but I feel so lonely even though I am with them. They are 6 and 3.

I have even tried netmums "meet a mum" service but not really had much joy.

Wow, I didn't realise so many other people felt the same way as I do. I'm very lonely and don't have any friends that I could just call up/ arrange a night out or a cuppa with. I went to university in a different city, and met most of my good friends there- but now they are all spread around the world living it up!

We went out to a BBQ yesterday with DH's workmates. Had a brilliant time! But they live a fair way from us so can't socialise with them much.

I will have a look at the FB page if that is okay?

Oh the link doesn't work for me .

The link isn't to a page but a person, it's the only way in, what with the group being secret. All a facade! If you are signed in to FB, copy and paste

www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004230491780

into the address bar, and make a friend request.

or maybe try the secure, HTTP link

www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004230491780

Hope I've managed to friend you on fb. I'm in East Lancs.

Ah, done it now thanks!

jules, I'm in SY too.

East lancs too :)

puds11, woodlandhills and goodmum, I am 20 mins from Derby and lonely, lets do it! I will check out the FB link also :)

Hey, OhWesternWind! Nice to see you here. We chatted on another thread.

Lonely here too (in N. Essex). We have moved around a lot and even though we have been here for a few years now I haven't made any long term friends yet. I seem to be a magnet for odd people but maybe thats because I am not strong enough to stand up for myself. Or perhaps I am just odd myself.

Its nice, in a sort of sad way, to see that I am not alone.

Hi Soon. How are things with you? Still no joy on the dating front and I am really wondering if it's for me. All ties up with the being lonely stuff and there's another great thread on Relationships at the moment about being introverted and liking to spend a lot of time on your own. I feel both ways, depending on which way the wind is blowing, but I am happy with my own company/the dcs' a lot of the time. Would love one or two close friends though.

Same here Western, I like a balance - I enjoy company and feel very lonely without it but I also need time to withdraw and re-energise as well. I got a tad obsessed with the dating sites and I know that's had an effect on my female friendships so having given it up for the moment I'm spending that time phoning them or emailing/FBing them instead. I know part of the reason why I'm lonely is I haven't invested enough time in other people and tried harder but it doesn't come naturally to me, I get too easily caught up in my own stuff, especially if there is a man on the scene, maybe we can all be a bit like that?

So I'm working on trying to rebuild old friendships and when I don't have the kids I joined some social groups to go out with as well. Its tough walking into a roomful of strangers but I always feel better for it and gradually they become more like acquaintances and it has def helped expand my social circle. Can't say any of them are best buddies but I'm working on it. The scariest thing was organising birthday drinks for myself (through FB, yesterday) and now terrified no-one will come, but so far two yes's :)

SAL and JULES , SY here as well.

y'know I feel so much better reading this, i have lots of aquaintences that could be friends but i assume everyone has a busy social life and is happy, when we chat I realise they think that of me too but I am shy to say 'hey how about getting together' in case they think I am desperate sad person that I am, having now said this I went to a reunion thing last weekend and met a couple of women I was friendly with in the past who said give me an e-mail so perhaps I will.

hey all, just found this link and its summarised how im feeling today
very lonley and 20 weeks preg!
my DP is amazing and has supported me through my severe depression, through lonliness etc
can i join you guys, it will be nice to not feel quiet so alone?
i have one close friend but shes at uni and im at 'home' and she never makes any effort to see me, its always me making the effort......
hi?

Oh blimey! Spooky! I created a very similar thread about an hour ago! How spooky! Any of you in Northampton?!

Just added a few more to the FB group. Anyone else wanting to join, see the link up thread.

hiya, lonely and friendly London type here. I've joined the FB page.

I'm a separated (for 4 years... H will not get it together to divorce me) mum of 2 and academic with a chequered history and lots of friends in convenient places like Newcastle upon Tyne and er, Vietnam :D It would be lovely to get together with some MNers who just like someone around to have some coffee with and a good moan discussion about contemporary issues now and then.

I have been feeling like this recently too. I have 3 DCs so can't really go out anymore and I'm 26 so I have loads of friends without children so just go out all the time.

DH works away so it is just me and the kids. I don't drive either so don't get to go anywhere while DH is at work.

I'll go look at the facebook link.

the FB page is really nice, nice to see it filling up!

Hello, i am in essex and often feel like that. I am not from round here and everyone already has their group and pass the time of day but nothing more. I try to be breezy and not over do it ... Pfffffffff .... Have done the pre natal courses thing (when relevant!) snd volunteer work, paid work, courses. I feel like giving up. The playground is verrrry cliquey with the groupswho joined forces in lre school, so i missed that boat.

Woohooo!! I have found someone who lives near me!!
Great idea for the FB page.

OP, I find that having low expectations helps. I don't mean that in a cynical way. I just think: Would I like to see this person again? If so, I suggest we meet up. I just socialise if I feel like it, and take it slow.

I have not had a "best friend" since I have DH, as he is, amongst other things, I guess my best friend (not to be smug, just to explain), so I am happy with "mum friends" and old Uni friends, and I even meet people at the pool or playground and we meet up again.

I always start out casual, and let it develop slowly (or not), and sometimes you realise that someone has become quite a good friend, bit by bit.

It is a bit like love, in that chasing it makes it harder to get and being cool and laid back somehow make you more appealing. It's law of getting the reverse of what you're after (I can only cope with limited social stuff as I actually like being on my own and read (weirdo emoticon))

I could have written the op and many of the reply's myself. Despite having a dh, 2 grown up dcs and a very busy life as a childminder I am sooooo lonely. I love the company of the children but crave some adult company. I have just spent every day of the last 4 weeks of the summer holidays on my own, not having anyone to go on outings etc with. I have had problems with trust, attachment and fear of abandonment (very common in adults who were adopted as small babies) my whole life. Years of therapy haven't helped, at the moment it is worse than ever owing to the very sudden death of my dad 4 months ago. I torture my self imagining all the fun the other minders are having together without me