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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose ME for nine months over my children?

283 replies

Inconceivable · 08/08/2012 20:18

I have three children varying in age from two to seven. I have been a SAHM for the last four years. Before that I had quite a good career and although I really enjoyed my time with the children, I really started to miss working. I then got offered a really good and interesting contract for nine months.

I decided to take it and I am really enjoying the work. However, the children are really finding it difficult to adjust with me working full time and it is really starting to show in their behaviour. It is breaking my heart to see them suffering but I really, really enjoy being back at work.

Am I be unreasonable to let them suffer and choose ME for nine months and just enjoy the work and ignore the price my children are paying for this? It is only temporary after all?

OP posts:
hairytale · 08/08/2012 20:21

What do you mean "suffering"?

GhostShip · 08/08/2012 20:23

They aren't suffering!

Original poster
Inconceivable · 08/08/2012 20:23

As in they miss me terribly and their behaviour shows it!

OP posts:
Bobyan · 08/08/2012 20:24

Subtle nasty dig at parents who have no choice but to work full time OP? Hmm

LucieMay · 08/08/2012 20:24

They will grow up to be criminals and it will be all your fault.

squeakytoy · 08/08/2012 20:24

Personally I think you are being selfish. You chose to have children, they should be your priority.

If you need the money that is different, if you are just doing it because you are bored of being a mother, then YABU.

GhostShip · 08/08/2012 20:25

Well I'm sorry but they'll just have to get used to it won't they. Just like any other child does. It won't be easy for you, but if you want to stay at work that's that.

Some mums don't have a choice whether or not to go back to work, their kids do fine

Mrsjay · 08/08/2012 20:25

they are not suffering you just need to adjust a little bit and just clamp down ont heir behaviour as it happens , don't feel guilty you were not satisfied at home all day

HecateHarshPants · 08/08/2012 20:25

They'll get used to it.

Very many children have parents who work and they're not all off the rails Grin don't worry yourself. Just help them adapt, give them lots of tlc and attention and if all else fails, let them know that all the extra money may well improve the state of holiday, christmas and birthdays Wink

GhostShip · 08/08/2012 20:26

Squeaky toy has a point though, I didn't think of it like that.

Mrsjay · 08/08/2012 20:27

I am assuming the older 2 are inf ull time school do you have to work full time could you cut to 3 days as a compromise,

TantrumsAndOlympicGoldBalloons · 08/08/2012 20:27

Well, mine have been suffering for 14 years, doesn't seem to have done them too much harm tbh.

Original poster
Inconceivable · 08/08/2012 20:28

Oh gosh no bobyan. Not at all, i used to work full time when the first two were little. I am just struggling to justify it to myself at the moment and finding it difficult to see my children struggling. I want to work and am enjoying it but I feel guilty and am not sure how to handle these feelings. I just feel very conflicted.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/08/2012 20:30

Totally agree with Squeaky, it all seems a bit 'me, me, me'.

Completely different if you had no choice but to admit you think your children are suffering and you still enjoy doing it is selfish.

Yama · 08/08/2012 20:30

They will get used to it. Nobody likes change when it happens but perhaps as they get used to the new routine they will settle down.

coppertop · 08/08/2012 20:30

If your eldest is 7 and you've been a SAHM for 4 years, then presumably you've been a WOHM before?

They will get used to it.

If you had/have a dh/dp and your children decided they missed him too, would anyone really expect him to give up work too?

Birdsgottafly · 08/08/2012 20:31

Have you gone from a SAHM, to working long hours?

Did you go through an short adjustment period of leaving them?

Are you getting any advice to help them settle? which they will.

Original poster
Inconceivable · 08/08/2012 20:31

I guess if I had always worked they would be used to it and they are just struggling with the change, and so am I! But I really, really like being at work

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 08/08/2012 20:32

Why do you not "really really like" being with your children?

I honestly dont get it.

It seems apparent that you are choosing to work because you want to.

Most working mums I know would much rather be raising the children they chose to have, but cant because they HAVE to work. Given the choice, they would be at home with their children.

Mrsjay · 08/08/2012 20:33

So if the OP was poor and struggiling then it would be ok for her to work but because she choses too and wants to do this contract it is not ok Confused

Gatorade · 08/08/2012 20:34

I imagine your DC are just going through a period of adjustment. I personally think that it is important that you, as a parent are happy, surely a happier more energised mum will lead to happier children (once they have adjusted).

How long have you been working for? Give it a little but of time and remember that you, your career and your sense of fulfilment are also important, you are still there for your children, it is very unlikely that this will actually be harming them.

Original poster
Inconceivable · 08/08/2012 20:34

I am a month into the contract and so we are all still adjusting. And yes, it is all a bit about me. I realise i am being selfish but it is really making me happy to work and I feel more like my old self, and I have missed it. For the last four years it has all been about the children,

OP posts:
coppertop · 08/08/2012 20:35

So because some WOHMs would rather be at home, the OP should give up a job she enjoys?? Confused

GhostShip · 08/08/2012 20:36

Mrsjay - I think the point is if she was poor she would HAVE to work and see her children 'suffering', but she isn't so doesn't HAVE to

Mrsjay · 08/08/2012 20:36

what sort of behaviour are they showing ? try and not dramatise it as suffering IYSWIm try and rationalise it ,