about alcohol, or is DH?

[WaveringButterfly]

Have name-changed for this but am a regular(ish) poster.

I like a glass of wine in the evening after the children have gone to bed. Every single night. Sometimes a glass and a half. Very occasionally a two-glass blowout. They?re only 200ml glasses so we?re not talking about crazy quantities of booze. I?ve been like this since before I met DH, so it?s not as though he should be surprised.

The thing is, he doesn?t like it. He thinks I drink too much. He secretly monitored how much I was drinking and claimed that it was nearly one-and-a-half times the recommended amount for women. I don?t think it?s quite that much but even if it is, it?s my frickin? liver, not his. He went away and Googled about the damaging effects of drinking even slightly more than recommended levels, and has tried to persuade me to read some articles he found. I said no thanks.

It?s driving me nuts. Although he rarely makes a remark about it at the moment, he can?t help letting slip the occasional comment which just makes it clear he?s still watching my every move around the wine bottle. He criticises me for buying cheap non-wonderful wine, but I?m doing this so that I?m not spending stupid amounts on the stuff, much as I?d love a decent Chablis every night. Unless he?s decided It?s A Special Night And We?re Going To Share A Bottle Of Wine, he will never offer to refill my glass if he?s drinking, even if we?ve got people over for dinner. We?ve got completely separate wine because he buys good stuff for himself. (He doesn?t drink very much.)

I just wish we could be relaxed about having a drink ? do things like offering to pour each other a glass if one of us has had a hard day. I wish I could go to the fridge without feeling monitored. It?s got to the stage where I quite like it when he?s out for the evening because I can relax about having a drink. I don?t drink any more than usual when he?s out, but I can enjoy my glass of wine without being judged or monitored. We?re not an especially couply couple if that makes sense (NOBODY would ever accuse us of being joined at the hip) so it really rankles that he tries to control this one thing.

You are justifying your behaviour by saying its only a glass.
This is your mistake IMHO.
Count the units and be sensible.

There are one and a half units of alcohol in:
a small glass (125 ml) of ordinary strength wine (12% alcohol by volume); or
a standard pub measure (35 ml) of spirits (40% alcohol by volume)

Oh yeah thanks Raspberry, although I reckon that will come from those who insist that she IS a victim goddamit and her denials are typical victim behaviour.

Although I did forget those who will harp on about how wonderful their own partners are and how they once knew an alcoholic therefore they are now experts on the thorny topic of alcoholism

Are you in Scotland, Tigger?

No Piglet, why do you ask?

Do you want a pooh lovers meeting

Oh, I just spotted the other 8 pages...

Fail on my part to post without reading.

Actually I took the info from this link.

www.patient.co.uk/health/Alcohol-and-Sensible-Drinking.htm

Good job you remembered to add the 'h' in there Tigger.

That's a different thread altogether Rhubarb.
I'll wait for friday night for that.

He sounds like a concerned DH to me. If he saw it wasn't every day without fail his anxiety about it might go down.

Personally I would worry if Dh was drinking like that daily, and maybe the fact he has tried to inform you of health risks and doesn't like to top your glass up is just because you have resisted his less direct suggestions to drink less.

You will be affecting your health drinking daily alcohol, especially as you get older too. If you're not bothered that is your choice but he loves you and is bothered so he tries to get you to cut back.

35ml spirits are typical of Scotland, 25ml spirits are typical of England. Either is permitted.

I can understand you being upset about him monitoring your drinking. I do think that he thinks that you have an issue with alcohol though and you could prove to him that it's not an addiction by having two or three nights a week off.

sensible drinking

TiggerWearsATriteSmile Love the name!

When I told the nurse during a check-up how much I drank (and I over-estimated to compensate for under-estimating, iykwim!) she just laughed and said not to worry!

I thank you Jenner.

Tig

see also the following para on that page

"?There are one and a half units of alcohol in:
◦a small glass (125 ml) of ordinary strength wine (12% alcohol by volume); or
◦a standard pub measure (35 ml) of spirits (40% alcohol by volume)."

I have a bar, my measures are 25ml spirits, 125ml wine, 50ml sherry/martini etc

I don't think I'd like it of my partner were drinking every night and would speak to them about it. It is obviously their choice but as their partner id hope it was something we could talk about, id want to know why they feel the need to be intoxicated every night.

stupid piglet

I meant the preceding para

"?One unit of alcohol is about equal to:
◦half a pint of ordinary strength beer, lager, or cider (3-4% alcohol by volume); or
◦a small pub measure (25 ml) of spirits (40% alcohol by volume); or
◦a standard pub measure (50 ml) of fortified wine such as sherry or port (20% alcohol by volume)."

(also sold in multiples of those units, except from sealed containers)

Not having read the whole 8 pages, I'd find it very irritating if my dh did that. There are lots of things people do that other people wouldn't - e.g. drive too fast, eat too much fat, not take enough exercise, smoke. A certain amount of personal choice is essential for sanity. It seems a bit controlling to me.

The words standard measure and small measure are used though.
I have a bottle of captain Morgan's and it says 35 ml measure on that.

*note to self, piglets are small, not standard.
See what I did there, huh, huh did ya.

And officially raspberry I think I'm a veg - no pips see and I grow underground. But I would welcome a 'Mixed Personality Fruit and Veg' meeting.

"Hello my name is Rhubarb and I'm a vegetable-fruit cross." Oh the shame!

Maybe you're bi-vegetable rhubarb! Or just a bit fruity