about alcohol, or is DH?

[WaveringButterfly]

Have name-changed for this but am a regular(ish) poster.

I like a glass of wine in the evening after the children have gone to bed. Every single night. Sometimes a glass and a half. Very occasionally a two-glass blowout. They?re only 200ml glasses so we?re not talking about crazy quantities of booze. I?ve been like this since before I met DH, so it?s not as though he should be surprised.

The thing is, he doesn?t like it. He thinks I drink too much. He secretly monitored how much I was drinking and claimed that it was nearly one-and-a-half times the recommended amount for women. I don?t think it?s quite that much but even if it is, it?s my frickin? liver, not his. He went away and Googled about the damaging effects of drinking even slightly more than recommended levels, and has tried to persuade me to read some articles he found. I said no thanks.

It?s driving me nuts. Although he rarely makes a remark about it at the moment, he can?t help letting slip the occasional comment which just makes it clear he?s still watching my every move around the wine bottle. He criticises me for buying cheap non-wonderful wine, but I?m doing this so that I?m not spending stupid amounts on the stuff, much as I?d love a decent Chablis every night. Unless he?s decided It?s A Special Night And We?re Going To Share A Bottle Of Wine, he will never offer to refill my glass if he?s drinking, even if we?ve got people over for dinner. We?ve got completely separate wine because he buys good stuff for himself. (He doesn?t drink very much.)

I just wish we could be relaxed about having a drink ? do things like offering to pour each other a glass if one of us has had a hard day. I wish I could go to the fridge without feeling monitored. It?s got to the stage where I quite like it when he?s out for the evening because I can relax about having a drink. I don?t drink any more than usual when he?s out, but I can enjoy my glass of wine without being judged or monitored. We?re not an especially couply couple if that makes sense (NOBODY would ever accuse us of being joined at the hip) so it really rankles that he tries to control this one thing.

Anonymous. No-one has answered me either.

But tell me your old name and I promise to arse lick like a good-un

P.S. I read it

I try not to drink between Monday and Thursday, unless I am out, which is rare.
At the weekend, we probably have 1-2 bottles between us, over 3 nights.

I remember how lovely it was to have just one glass at about 7 once the dcs were in bed.

I don't think drinking every day is acceptable. If the OP feels the need to drink every day her DH is not at fault for feeling that it is wrong.

It's not so much not answering Jamie, but everyone seems to be quite obsessed with casting judgement on each other.

I have said that everyone has a different limit when it comes to drinking. Others will think that the OP and all those who have a glass of wine every night are drinking too much and yet some others won't see it as an issue and in fact drink more themselves.

There is no set rule for individual drinkers. Some people can become dependant on a glass of wine a night and others could stop tomorrow. Some could contract cirrhosis of the liver on that amount and others could live until their 80s. That is why government guidelines remain just that, guidelines.

The best thing for the OP would be a compromise and agree to having 2 alcohol-free days a week in return for a more pleasant home environment and perhaps some of her dh's best wine.

Arguing over what constitutes too much really is a de-railing of the entire thread.

Oh and you can arse-lick as much as you want btw, don't let me stop you!

Thank you Jamie! I read yours too and although I have a slightly different opinion, I think you made a good point.

How's my brown nose?

I agree with you (now)

Oh I so agree with you though, I mean you were right all along really!

I would definitely definitely LEAVE THE BASTARD!

Why don't you reverse roles and let him look after the kids. Then lets see how long it takes for him to turn to the drink.

I can't believe no-one has suggested that before now Olives. Yes, leave the bastard!

Apart from that I agree with Raspberry.

Were his parents alcoholics or teetotallers? Sounds like he has 'issues' with drinking. What does he say to friends who drink?

Op you should have a couple of alcohol free days a week and not have more than 6 units (2 large glasses) in any one day but other than that your drinking is borderline ok. Have you tried having spritzers or drinking out of even smaller glasses? Also you could try some German wines which tend to have lower alcohol levels.

oh christ, balotelli is invoking the "it's my taxes" bollocks now...read the Daily Mail do you ? I find such invective is much worse for your health than a couple of glasses of wine.

noddy, love, if you think the faaaags ain't mood-altering you ain't seen my mother of a morning before she has her first one, nor when she runs out

it's not pretty

she thinks wine is disgusting though < takes all sorts >

Perhaps there is a bit of a catch 22 situation here.

Very few of us like being 'told' what to or how to behave and it can make us a bit 'bolshy'.

So the OP's H may possibly very well not be controlling, but have genuine concerns about the need for a drink break in the week.

That is not an unusual train of thought as it shows on this thread.

So in the end possibly the OP thinks, like stated in her post that it is her liver and she won't be told how to look after it, and the H feels his concerns and that he isn't being listened to, so there is a bit of a stand off.
Because he doesn't feel listened to, every drink comes under scrutiny.

I understand this bit. I have been on both sides. An Ex who was a heavy drinker who wouldn't take a break, and in the end I was twitchy about every drink, and in turn I became an exercise addict, and triggered similar anxiety in him.

Really sitting down to talk things through is going to resolve this. IMO, because it has potential to blow out of all proportion. Unless indeed there is more to this.

I don;t think having a fag alters a persons personality when they have it not does a burger! Maybe the op's dh doesn't like who she becomes who knows

I think most people could do with drinking less wait til you get to your 40s then you have to or you look like Dot cotton.

That was certainly my issue Noddy, with Ex drinking.
It could be like emotional Russian Roulette .

And I found him not having a cigarette was more personality altering than him having one!

Not sure why some posters are insisting that a 200ml glass or 2 every day is 'fine'.

It's not, according to any of the medical guidelines; old ones, new ones, whatever.

And someone said it's much better to drink every day than to have a weekend blowout? What about the importance of giving your body a break?

Do people just post what they wish was fact, in order to excuse their own drinking habits?

I agree with Frankie! (No, seriously I do!)

Noddy, yeah well tell me that to my face - if you dare! (after you've bought me a pint of Guinness)

I am shocked that people on here don't think she is an alcholic, you don't need to be blind drunk morning noon and night to be an alcholic.

If you need a drink every day even if it is a single glass of wine it make that person an alcholic.

I drink twice a week and I know I drink too much however if I need to stop because I am unwell or on tablets or because I don't want to I can.

The drinking until you're 40 I meant, not the smoking and fast food, which btw I don't do. I have only the one vice and very enjoyable it is too!

I understand how you feel, as dh was like this about my smoking (I only smoked bout as many cigarettes as you drink glasses of wine).

It was annoying, but tbh, he was right and so is your dh.

it's smoking that gives you that gaunt, haggard, grey, Dot Cotton look for goodness sake, not alcohol

any doctor's on this thread...help me out please

the "Dot Cotton" look is fags through and through

alcohol bloats it is a quite different look

(neither of which are something to aspire to, obvs, particularly since the "Dot" look is often a preliminary to lung cancer)

It would concern me that the OP would rather drink shite wine for the sake of having a drink everyday, than give a couple of days a miss and drink a decent one.