about alcohol, or is DH?

[WaveringButterfly]

Have name-changed for this but am a regular(ish) poster.

I like a glass of wine in the evening after the children have gone to bed. Every single night. Sometimes a glass and a half. Very occasionally a two-glass blowout. They?re only 200ml glasses so we?re not talking about crazy quantities of booze. I?ve been like this since before I met DH, so it?s not as though he should be surprised.

The thing is, he doesn?t like it. He thinks I drink too much. He secretly monitored how much I was drinking and claimed that it was nearly one-and-a-half times the recommended amount for women. I don?t think it?s quite that much but even if it is, it?s my frickin? liver, not his. He went away and Googled about the damaging effects of drinking even slightly more than recommended levels, and has tried to persuade me to read some articles he found. I said no thanks.

It?s driving me nuts. Although he rarely makes a remark about it at the moment, he can?t help letting slip the occasional comment which just makes it clear he?s still watching my every move around the wine bottle. He criticises me for buying cheap non-wonderful wine, but I?m doing this so that I?m not spending stupid amounts on the stuff, much as I?d love a decent Chablis every night. Unless he?s decided It?s A Special Night And We?re Going To Share A Bottle Of Wine, he will never offer to refill my glass if he?s drinking, even if we?ve got people over for dinner. We?ve got completely separate wine because he buys good stuff for himself. (He doesn?t drink very much.)

I just wish we could be relaxed about having a drink ? do things like offering to pour each other a glass if one of us has had a hard day. I wish I could go to the fridge without feeling monitored. It?s got to the stage where I quite like it when he?s out for the evening because I can relax about having a drink. I don?t drink any more than usual when he?s out, but I can enjoy my glass of wine without being judged or monitored. We?re not an especially couply couple if that makes sense (NOBODY would ever accuse us of being joined at the hip) so it really rankles that he tries to control this one thing.

My mum is an alcoholic and she lies about her intake all the time.

She just pretends she never drinks at all!

I can't actually believe that she thinks we believe her when she says this

As long as your drinking does-not affect your behaviour in a negative way then what is the problem you are an adult?.

oh, and OP - I kind of agree with your hubby - drinking every night does not give your liver sufficient recovery time, the consequences of this may be the destruction of liver cells, a build-up of fat deposits in your liver (fatty liver), or more seriously, liver inflammation (alcoholic hepatitis), permanent scarring (cirrhosis) or even liver cancer.

In one 200ml glass of ordinary-strength wine, there are 2.5 units. So "only one" glass every night does take you above guidelines - those guidelines also state don't drink EVERY day.....

maybe he is concerned...

Sorry, but I think drinking every single night is far too much and indicative of a problem - even if it's only a wee one right now. Being prepared to argue about it with your DH, getting resentful about your right to drink etc are stronger indicators of a problem. I know this isn't what you want to hear - what you want to hear is lots of internet strangers telling you it's all fine. But it clearly isn't. It's a thing for you. And when drinking becomes a thing, it's a problem.

I'm not shouting raspberry, you can't hear me

And I have nothing to Appologise for.

OP came on here asking for an opinion...... thats the title of the thread Am I Being Unreasonable? She was inviting opinions.

If She or any one else does not like the answers then dont ask the question.

I was giving an opinion. You might think I am wrong...... I dont. thats the nature of opinions!!!

If you dont like the replies then go back to your bottle and leave us to look after our health.

This thread just gets funnier and funnier.

Baloteli, the OP asked was she being U about her alcohol intake, or was her H

she didn't invite "opinions" like you are setting a shite example to your children

that was uncalled-for

there are very few things I would call someone a "shite mother" for, and having a couple of glasses of wine is not one of them

perhaps your Daily Mail-esque judginess and self-absorbed comments about "my taxes pay for your healthcare" make you a shite father ?

clue : they do

Alcholism runs in my family - brother is an alcoholic and if I'm perfectly honest so is my Dad although he manages to function and hold down a job, etc. If my DH was drinking every night then it would bother me, I think you're drinking too much and using alcohol to unwind or relax is never a good idea and yes I have done it myself in the past. As other MN'ers have said you need to clarify what his real issue is with the wine as you mentioned that you drank like this before the kids ?

You're over the recommended guidelines so it must be doing some damage. He's probably acting like this through concern/worry though it would piss me off greatly if my DH was watching my every move. I enjoy a bottle of wine at the weekend and my DH doesn't like to drink in the house so there have been occassions when he's rolled his eyes abit but he has his own issues with drink (mother was an alcoholic). But I should be able to enjoy a drink in my own house.

Couple of (mild) alarm bells, actually, from someone who's had too much experience with alcohol abuse.

First, the fact that you drink EVERY night. Not a couple of times a week, or even a binge on a night out every month. If you don?t have a glass every night do you struggle to sleep, are you crankier than usual, do you have difficulty relaxing? Then you have low-level dependence on it. At this stage more psychological than physical, but it is there, and habits like that are very hard to change and they hint at maybe a wee tendency you have regarding drink, especially as you say you?ve been drinking every night like this for a long time. Might never happen, but you'd be surprised how quickly that two glasses every night thing can spiral.

This all might sound melodramatic, but even the fact that you?re watching dh and becoming very touchy about him monitoring your drinking, that rather than say fair enough I?ll give it a miss Tuesday and Thursday for a couple of weeks when he says he's concerned about your health you?re continuing and feeling good about him leaving the house so you can drink on your own in peace etc is worrying.

There's nothing wrong with drinking, and for a lot of people that means a drink every night, but I just get the sense from you that drinking every night is maybe a bit too important and you might want to cut it out a few nights a week. Or you can tell me to piss off and open a bottle. Whatever.