about alcohol, or is DH?

[WaveringButterfly]

Have name-changed for this but am a regular(ish) poster.

I like a glass of wine in the evening after the children have gone to bed. Every single night. Sometimes a glass and a half. Very occasionally a two-glass blowout. They?re only 200ml glasses so we?re not talking about crazy quantities of booze. I?ve been like this since before I met DH, so it?s not as though he should be surprised.

The thing is, he doesn?t like it. He thinks I drink too much. He secretly monitored how much I was drinking and claimed that it was nearly one-and-a-half times the recommended amount for women. I don?t think it?s quite that much but even if it is, it?s my frickin? liver, not his. He went away and Googled about the damaging effects of drinking even slightly more than recommended levels, and has tried to persuade me to read some articles he found. I said no thanks.

It?s driving me nuts. Although he rarely makes a remark about it at the moment, he can?t help letting slip the occasional comment which just makes it clear he?s still watching my every move around the wine bottle. He criticises me for buying cheap non-wonderful wine, but I?m doing this so that I?m not spending stupid amounts on the stuff, much as I?d love a decent Chablis every night. Unless he?s decided It?s A Special Night And We?re Going To Share A Bottle Of Wine, he will never offer to refill my glass if he?s drinking, even if we?ve got people over for dinner. We?ve got completely separate wine because he buys good stuff for himself. (He doesn?t drink very much.)

I just wish we could be relaxed about having a drink ? do things like offering to pour each other a glass if one of us has had a hard day. I wish I could go to the fridge without feeling monitored. It?s got to the stage where I quite like it when he?s out for the evening because I can relax about having a drink. I don?t drink any more than usual when he?s out, but I can enjoy my glass of wine without being judged or monitored. We?re not an especially couply couple if that makes sense (NOBODY would ever accuse us of being joined at the hip) so it really rankles that he tries to control this one thing.

are you the Op's husband, balotelli ?

a shite example to her children ?

I hope the Op tells you to fuck off too

I wonder how many people who have said its too much and started preaching are smokers?

She's not necking bottles ten to the dozen. She's having a couple of glasses a night. She isn't doing anything wrong, I think some of you are wrong to suggest so.

Why do you wish your partner would drink more, GhostShip?

I assume their are posters on here who drink more than the OP and are getting a bit touchy.

Because he's extra funny when he's piddly :o

Yes changlingz couldn't agree more!

You'd think I'd be against her drinking though (grandma alcoholic, mum heavy drinker) but I don't see any harm in the OP's drinking.

And she isn't doing ANYONE any harm, and from what science tells us, little harm to herself. She isn't being violent or volatile, she's simply wanting to have a glass and a half of vino.

Christ lets all have an intervention

I also wonder, along with who smokes, who eats junk food of an evening.

No I am not her husband...... luckily.

SHe is showing her DC that it is perfectly acceptable to use alcohol every day which any health professional will tell you is not acceptable.

But like she said its her liver so why shouldnt she destroy it?

Trouble is its my taxes that will pay for her treatment in hospital and her poor DH who will be left explaining to his DC why mummy has turned yellow and will be in hospital for a very long time and actually may never get out....

I dont need alcohol and have never understood why so many so called grown ups do!

If your life is so crap that you need to chemically self medicate then change your life.

Not the same thing as food and cigarettes aren't mood altering. I do neither btw but am just commenting. Drinking every day would bother some people in a relationship and not others. No one is talking intervention just moderation

I think this kind of drinking has become "normal", and nice middle class people reassure themselves it's not a problem. But it is over the limit for healthy drinking, and I would worry if I thought my partner could not forgo it for an evening, or could not relax without it.

I have to admit that I personally would find that worrying in my DH, because the excessive drinking in his family started in this way

Actually ghost I would be concerned if dh smoked, drank regularly, generally unfit etc.
We are a partnership, I don't want him to get sick. He feels the same as me. We maintain a fairly healthy lifestyle, as we think its important for our future.

noddyholder - I'm on about the health aspect that people are going on about. No-one, including the OP's husband has mentioned anything about the mind altering aspect.

Cigarettes are definitely mood altering.

I agree he needs to change his approach, though. It's counter-productive

I love it when people tell other 'i think you are wrong to tell her so'
Wrong to have an opinion? Really, how does that work?

I have passed comments when my DH starts drinking every night of the week - mainly when he passes a comment about his weight, then I reply that beer every night is part of that weight gain. I only do it because I love him dearly and want him to be happy and healthy for as long as possible (preferably longer than me!). If part of that happiness is a drink every night then so be it, but then he's not allowed to moan about his beer belly!

balotelli what absolute nonsense. She isn't a raging alcoholic, and the sentence about mummy turning yellow is out of line and not needed at all.

And it isn't just YOUR TAXES.

I'll just add that what she is doing is much healthier for her than a blow out every weekend! That would be binge drinking, the OP isn't binge drinking. And I'm not saying we should chose the lesser of two evils, but if she wants a drink least she's doing it responsibly.

Is there more to it than this? People have different attitudes when it comes to food, alcohol, tobacco etc and different relationships with these substances.

Most (all?) people have at least one weakness and alcohol is fast becoming the drug of choice in this country becuase it is cheap, easily accessible and socially acceptable (also very enjoyable for many people). I have a friend who doesn't smoke, hardly drinks but makes secret expeditions to Mc Donalds for her 'fix'.

However, where a couple have very different attitudes and there is a lack of tolerance, this can cause problems in a relationship. An honest and open discussion is required. I also wondered whether the OH had alcohol related issues in his background - or perhaps it is a genuine concern. Either way, he is going about things in the wrong way.

I'd be interested in whether the OP's DH has experience of alcholism in his family or close friends. If he is not being controlling in any other aspect of their relationship then I think he may be genuinely worried that one glass every night will eventually escalate. I probably drink about the same amount a week as the OP but now try to have at least 2 - 3 nights a week without. Before getting pregnant with DCs I barely had a night when I didn't drink in 15 years and I did find it hard to give up when I was pregnant (although the all day morning sickness helped!)

2 x 200 ml glasses of wine is over half a bottle a night, 3 and a half bottles a week which is above the limit for women

I would be worried by the fact you don't seem to be able to have a night off, that you HAVE to have a drink every night.

balotelli - just.... really?

Drive a car, do you? Well if you have a crash it'll be MY taxes that pay for your treatment... Ever use any power tools/lawnmowers? God, I don't want MY taxes to pay for any treatment your RECKLESS behaviour my require!

Your comments are ridiculous.

SHe is showing her DC that it is perfectly acceptable to use alcohol every day which any health professional will tell you is not acceptable. How pompous do you sound? So no healthcare professional in the country enjoys a drink every evening after work? None?

No I am not her husband...... luckily. Nice.

I think I must be invisible on this thread.

Ah well, perhaps the OP will read my posts

Prhaps I should change back to my usual posting name too.