to wonder why the hell a parent would participate in a tv show about how difficult their child is?

[icecold]

Just watching 'Lost Children' about a teenage boy, who's birth mother was a heroin addict. In 15 years he was moved 25 times. He was finally adopted, father left 2 years later.

After 9 years of struggling with his behaviour, she sent him back into care

Very very sad

Why the fuck would you make a documentary about how difficult your child wad, and advertising that you sent him back into care?

interesting thread, my heart breaks for these children and whilst i wonder about the wiseness of this boy having his life out there for every one to see it is an issue that DOES need to be highlighted.

my dp works in a children home with children who cannot be fostered or adopted as their problems are simply to much to deal with, one boy has amazingly done well enough to go on to be fostered and whilst there are still issues he is doing really well and there is hope for his future.

for many of these children it feels bad to say it but its hard to hope, they ahve been so badly damaged by their birth parents mainly and then also sometimes through failings in the system (numerous placements etc) but society CANNOT give up on them, it is not their fault that they have these difficulties and lots of people in cp, ss, foster carers, adoptive parents etc are all trying their damdest to give them a chance, to love, help and support them. its not easy at all, i see first hand how emotionally and physically challenging my dp finds it, but these children deserve that chance.

and as for putting a child into the care system, i hope with all my heart its a choice i never have to make, but in some circumstances it is the only thing and the right thing to be done, and its never taken lightly or wihtout a huge amount of guilt, whether thats an adoptive parent or a birth parent.

and maryz how lovely that things are slowly improving and your post about the mothers day card brought tears to my eyes, you are an inspiration xxx

the home my dp works in is very small, and mainly male staff, and they do have resources, but ulitmately it all comes down to money and funding :( and they have to fight to get what they need for these children, esp in terms of education, that is the biggest failing, finding suitable schooling for them.

The staff at the school were fabulous, in my opinion.

One woman with a bit of a middle class accent came out to tell him to come in. He just mocked her accent and posture. Instead of threatening etc, she played up to it, and got him laughing, and in the end, he came in willingly with her.

So clever!

yeah I liked her, she told him he was doing it wrong and he should have his hands on his hips like

I liked his key worker, thought he was good

thanks maryz,when i watch these programmes it really puts things in context

yep ive prepared myself for a few bumpy years

funnily it was my son that told me to watch it

keep up the sterling work Maryz,its a calling only a few are picked for

you are right about thes taff turnover :( my dp has been there 6 yrs? and has no intention of leaving, but many staff have tho they also have a good few who are long term and committed, but it is HARD work, esp as they can often be short of staff, it takes a lot of training etc when they get someone new.

the issue they have is whilst the home is great, they really struggle to find appropriate schools for the children, some of them end up being taught int he home by staff like my dp, he is good at his job but he is NOT a teacher and these chidlren need more than online lessons etc which is basically all they are provided with :( dp and his colleagues do their best to give them a good education, but that is NOT their job. dp find it hugely disolusioning actually as the one thing these childrne need to give them ANY chance at all is a good education and they are being badly let down in that respect. some of them at least, other manage in pru units etc with supervision and some even manage at regular high schools, but they need more than that and there is simply not the fudning or the places available :(

the children in the school are not all adopted Kew

interesting programme on c4 now about fatima Whitbread, growing up in care. maybe the other side of the sword. i had no idea she had grown up in care, this already makes alot of scence about the persona we see on TV. not meaning this in derogerative way.

Sat and watched this. I think it was done very well.
Clearly he was out of mums control and she had tried so hard to keep him in track but because of his terrible past it was never going to be enough with just love.

It shows the downfalls of social services trying to place children, foster carers lack of, and how unsupported adopted parents are.

I was so sorry for the adoptive mother. She was so obviously worn down by the struggle.I would like to send her flowers.
The adoptive father had left, leaving her to cope alone with a child who was seriously damaged before he ever met the adopters.
Where was support, before it was too late? It's all about saving money.

"the children in the school are not all adopted Kew"

Thanks I didn't see the programme so wasn't sure - especially as the OP was pondering about whether the mother in question gave up more easily because she was an adoptive rather than birth mother.