to wonder why the hell a parent would participate in a tv show about how difficult their child is?

[icecold]

Just watching 'Lost Children' about a teenage boy, who's birth mother was a heroin addict. In 15 years he was moved 25 times. He was finally adopted, father left 2 years later.

After 9 years of struggling with his behaviour, she sent him back into care

Very very sad

Why the fuck would you make a documentary about how difficult your child wad, and advertising that you sent him back into care?

its late loads of typos there.

Most of the 'damaged' children have had moves that involve the birth family, as well as foster care.

When a child is taken into foster care, without pre planning taking place, 'crisis' carers are used and then it is a matter of luck whether you can find a suitable long term foster place, especially for sibling groups.

Sometimes the foster carer cannot meet the court awarded contact times, because of other children, who usually all have medical needs, besides from psycological problems.

The lack of foster carers is the hardest part to overcome, when tackling the 'system'.

Troll

Depends on the LA, you can be taken on as newly qualified and gain the experiance to handle your own cases, there are jobs a plenty in CP, especially on agency.

The laws around appointing an Idependant Reviewing Officer (IRO) have changed, regardless of the change of SW, they stay the same,now and will make sure everyone is up to speed and on the ball.

The IRO will oversee the case and chair every meeting, the meetings are now timescaled and cases such as his shouldn't now happen.

I hope so, I do ultimatly wanted to go into paliative care however the more i consider it, Im not sure. I would want to take a cp role at some point and do feel that on qualifying would be the ideal time and then I decide if that is the path I should take or not and then later on look into paliative care with children or hospice social work.

i just finished watching it, its so sad, i want to cry, i think it reflects on us all.

I worked in paliative care, it's one of the branches of SW that you are liked in and people are pleased to see you!

Choosing you last placement correctly is very important, as you will make contacts.

The bit that made me cry was when he showed a picture of his dad who died as a result of too much puff and he turned the laptop and it was pic of bob marley, it really made me laugh and made me a but sad as I thought he is such a funny and quick witted lad that he can make people laugh yet he can destroy then also, so sad

The problem is that funding intervention for teens, isn't a vote winner, as they stop being seen as victims and abused children reacting to their situation, by the public and some politicians.

The first cuts that were made in my department in Febuary, was the after school clubs and services for the over 9's.

There are less and less charities to take up the slack.

I dont get to chose any placements. I would like a paliative placement though and a cp placement. Im unsure about paliative at the moment as when I was just in my 20s my mum passed away and we where all adults but very young and although the support we recieved at the time was great we did keep social services at arms length and my mum was very upset at there involvement and I have an interest now as I can see the difference that was made even though at the time I did not really appreciate it. I think that if commited a real difference can be made.

to me it was obvious he was a victim

Perhaps she made it for the money?

They were really determined to put him back with his birth mother. I do understand the importance of that. Is it usual to try so many times, over such a protracted period of time? Given, that we know early attachment is so important

I understand people putting children into care if they can no longer keep them safe, as parents or to protect other family members. But in this lads case, I can't see how returning to care was the best option for him. Surely, the best chance he stands is to have someone to love him and want him and keep him no matter what? I can't see how this rejection is in his best interest. He has little reason to turn it round now, in his own eyes?

Frankly, I don't understand the importance of continuing to place the child with the birth mother.

I'm not saying he shouldn't have contact with the birth mother, but addiction problems are not easily overcome, and how can it be good for the child to be placed back with his mother while she is sober, only to be taken away again and again each time she lapses?

Surely it would be better for him to be with long term foster carers or adoptive parents from an early age, with supervised contact with his birth mother.

(I am no expert, and am willing to be educated by those on the thread who know so much more than me, so if I'm wrong, I'm receptive to being told why!)

I'm glad that the issue is being brought out.

Far too many adoptions break down. 30% I think. The majority of these children should never have been adoped as they have attachment disorders. Long term specialist foster care with therapy would make far far more sense but simply costs too much.

Wow word 30%

ice there has been a push towards adoption in the last twenty years.

For pragmatic reasons of finance and also to get children off the books.
But also because all the research was saying that DC thrive better in long term adoptive placements.

Unfortunately, it hasn't panned out well. 30% fail. Many more adopters are clinging on in the most difficult of circumstances.

Perosnally, I don't tink prospective adopters are properly advised or supported. Everyone is just so relieved to find a decent placement.

do you think adoptive parents are more likely to return their children to care than biological parents to put their children in care?; you cant get away from the fact that as an adoptive parent, you have taken on problems created by other shit human beings. As a biological parent, do you feel more resolved as the problems arent anyone elses?

Do you think, in the absence of a danger of harm, it is better that the child remain with the adoptive parents no matter what? like in this case, I just cant see that being back in care was the better choice for the boy?

Adoptive parents are more likely to have children with significant emotional, psychological and behavioural problems than birth parents though.

What do you mean by "danger of harm"? The boy in the TV programme was 15, in contact with drug dealers, taking drugs, not going to school, and completely uncontrollable by his mother. I would say he was at serious danger of harm. Would it have been better and safer for him to continue living with his mother and roaming the streets on drugs all day

Adopted DC are far more likely to be returned to care than biological DC. Most biological DC are removed not placed voluntarily.

I think the reasons are a slippery mix.

Adopted DC are far more likely to have complex needs. Attachment disorder is prevalent. The older a child the less likely the adoption will succeed.

Also, due to the complex needs of many adopted DC, it is incredibly difficult for the adoptive parents and the adopted DC to build proper attachments and bonds. I was speaking to an adoptive father recently who told me with brave honesty that despite ten years of looking after his son, he didn't feel like a father. He felt like his carer.

This is one of the reasons I'm in favour of long term specialist fostering. Neither the parent nor the child are being sold a pup.

I watched it and i dont think his mum just threw him into care cos he was a bit naughty she couldnt cope with him , he was violent aggressive and unpredictable
they were adopted when they were quite young his adoptive parents were divorced the poor kid has so much going on, I think his mum wanted to show how difficult it was for them all, the fact he was in and out of care and his birth mum was still on the scene promising she would change (probably) crying when she saw her children feeling guilty putting that guilt on her kids is going to affect them , I felt sorry for him but also his mum she looked so sad and probably felt she had failed him, what is so sad is he will be 16 soon and out of the care system what will happen to him ,

rubirosa by harm, I meant being abused or physically attacking other family members

from my very limited experience of one friend who put her dd into care because she was out of control at 13; not attending school, drugs, lots of crime, and the suspicion was she was being trafficked for sex...being in care didnt help control her at all. The foster carers had no more control over her than her mother. She was placed in a secure unit for 4 months and then returned to her normal ways on release.

The mother on the tv program (although I said she seemed a bit ineffectual) seemed to have her head screwed on--cant imagine being in care would be more effective in protecting him from drugs and drug dealers?

wordfactory isnt the boy more likely to finally make an attachment by staying with his adoptive mother? Or is it too late at age 15? I thought there was such a thing as teenage-attachment

not sure what you mean by danger of harm, but the boy was at risk and he was very vulnerable and making his mother and other family very vulnerable, he was involved in drugs, stealing from the family home, not in school, staying out over night, displaying violent behaviour and his mother had no control over him.

sadly there is no quick fix, however I do think that his mother no matter what should have been expected to put with this type of behaviour in her home. I was not adopted however if I behaved like this my mother most certainly would have told me to leave the house. The difference is in this situatuion is that at 15 because he was adopted and recieving input he was placed in a childrens home, many 15 year olds in this situation who have no history of CP leave and end up sofa surfing, they are probably unlikely to end up in a childrens home. They will be involved in the criminal justice system when it is too late and a crime has been comitted.

Im not sure what else she could have done, the damage he was causing to the house was becoming noticable in the period he was off school. I think it is probably easier to condemn an adoptive parent if things go wrong, but i think that is easy to do If you do not understant the magnitude of his problems and what they are facing as a family. He had massive amount of input yet his problems where still taking over, I do think if she had kept him in her home then something seriouse would have happened that is enough danger of harm.

I would also remember that she is still his mum leghaly and she was still vbisiting him, she just could not have him in her home any longer, the realtionship may not be over perminantly. The space may ensure that they are able to maintain a positive relationship.