to wonder why the hell a parent would participate in a tv show about how difficult their child is?

[icecold]

Just watching 'Lost Children' about a teenage boy, who's birth mother was a heroin addict. In 15 years he was moved 25 times. He was finally adopted, father left 2 years later.

After 9 years of struggling with his behaviour, she sent him back into care

Very very sad

Why the fuck would you make a documentary about how difficult your child wad, and advertising that you sent him back into care?

Actually kew a good friend of mine put her teenage dd with foster caters and then in a secure unit for her own protection. I just hadn't had all the synapse connections when I wrote the OP

maryz yes of course:...that's what I mean about not being able to answer the question theoretically. It's unthinkable, until it happens

I thought the Mother was amazing, I can't imagine how hard it must have been. She clearly loved her son very much and seemed very sensible. It was just a very sad situation.

I get the impression that people agree to this type of documentary to increase awareness of some issues that many of us have little understanding of.

I find documentaries like this thought provoking. I have recorded it and was going to get my teens (older) to watch it.

If I was the Mother I would not feel embarrassed, or judged or that I had failed I would just feel sad.

It's more, the televising of it, that I can't understand

Rather than the putting him into care

not read whole thread yet, I wanted to comment first.

I think documentries like this are imoportant in humanising people who face harrowing problems in their lives, This lady adopted two children and she knew nothing of thier history. It was not, for me, a programme about how difficult this boy was, and a sob story of him mother, but a programme as the title says about "lost children" within the care system. I did not view this as a programme about her and how difficult her son was. I viewed this in the way that, this boy has had a difficult start and his story.

Sadley that story involved a birth mother who let him down, a system that let him down and a new start that failed as a result of both of those things and his adoptive parents not knowing the truth.

It showed an honset portrayal of all involved in his new life and how and where it went wrong. I dont think the mother was glory hunting one little bit. I felt very sad her, but the boy made me laugh and cry and I felt it was a real shame that our socviety and child carte system let him and his adoptive parents down.

20 moves in the first 6 years of this lads life and his new parents not knowing his history, sadly I think it was always going to fail. as a student sw this programme made me consider lots about our system and my own practice and where I should be questioning everything. Why shouldnt this woman give an honest portrayal about the defects of her parenting along with the many actions and non actions that has made this boy a product of society and the systems that should be protecting him. I think it was also as much her story as his anyway, I could not imagin the devistaing effects that decssion to adopt had on her, for her family to then become what has today I think she was depressed and very much at a loss. He really needed specialist help for this to have worked and it just goes to show how a lack of real help devastes lives. I for one agree with this kind of documentry making.

It's more, the televising of it, that I can't understand

To make changes, public support is needed, they only way to do that is to get maximum publicity.

It is harder 'to reach' a child that hasn't got full attachment to anyone. Also an adopted child has more options, as they click back into the 'LAC' system and that can give the child an idea that they don't have to conform, the child then makes many bad decisions because they are slightly 'buffered' from the consequenses by the LAC system.

Because of fb, more teens are getting in contact with their birth familes and this creates problems.

There are more placements breaking down, than ever was, of teens.

Informed consent can be given from 14. Teens have the right to access all records held about them around this age, which can cause problems, with little help.

Thanks birds that's informative

He's quite vulnerable, to be giving consent?

from what I can work out this was a documentry about the school primerily and they have selected two of the most difficult children attending the school to make a documentry on. I know SCIE work very closely in represnting and advicing on the portrayal of young people in the media so I would like to think he was able to give consent to his representation on the documentry and I think this was captured in the interviewing and the discourse and interaction. I feel it was more positivley displayed than the awful bbc 2protecting our children" where consent was very much doubtfull.

I have a relative (16) that is living in a hostel after her special guardian placement broke down.

I didn't know about her until 18 months ago (i am in the process of finding out why). She is pregnant,i am her main means of support.

She is not being monitored much, yet she has all the indicators for depression, as it is usually around becoming parents that this reaction to their own situation hits, but she has no professional support, accept from myself, but she can choose to close the door on me.

that is sad birds, I believe there is a lack of supportive foster care for parents and many care leavers are becoming parents themselfs and ending up seperated rather than supported.

I witnessed this on a placenment in a hostel and like you say no formal support. However by the end of my placement I could also see that the child must be the paramount concern and where staying with the birth mother or constant moves back and forth are damaging as was displayed in this programme a dession must be reached before damage is ireversible. There is a very small window in an infants life when this damage can be put right.

I think social workers are pushed now into making a definite decission on what is best for the child early on and so early intervention is not always an option and so the damning circle of early intervention recieving less funding but then adoption being the last resort and so sadly children are stuck in foster care for far to long without birth parents having support untill the right service with right funding can step in.

It would be fascinating to see what the boy is up to in ten years time. There is still hope for him, the system hasn't failed just yet..... sometimes boys of his age can turn things around.

www.channel4.com/programmes/lost-children/4od

They can DoItOnce but sadly that is unusual, there is plenty of statistics and research to suggest that the neglect and frequant moves he faced as a child has effected his early brain development and also effects his future attainment and so makes his oppertunities to turn his life around very limited.

I do believe the reality of 20 moves before the age of 6 has had damning effects on his future and so He has been let down. If he succeeds in life it will be a small miracle and will be despite all of this and thus the system did let him down when he needed it to protect him. he only has a year left of remaining in the system now any way and Im sure they will happily way good bye to him and he will find himslef with even less support once he hits 16. He will either be street homeless, living in a shelter or hostel or a B&B that he does not have skills to maintain. therefore homlessness seems inevitable His best chances where to remain at school but I can see why he himself made this not an option.

I am a SW, in CP.

We were never asked to take this girl (or her disabled brother), even though we would have been in a position to. That was the fault of the SW handling the case, i am not pushing for answers for this as there are more pressing matters.

If the child is the paramount concern then more support is needed for birth families, so the child suffers less up heavel.

I can only house my reletive, if there is no place in a mum and baby unit, which there isn't looking at being.

Her SW seems happy to not have any concerns about the welfare of the child that she is carrying, this makes me feel sick to my stomach, tbh.

I don't work in the LA that i live in, my sister used to be a manager in it, though and i never believed how low the threaseholds were for intervention.

i have jad cases on CP, that have moved to my LA and they don't even stay on CIN, unbelievable.

Troll

He should be in the system until 21, under the new rules of the Leaving Care Act, the problem is that most SW do not do what they are supposed to, under this act and it is a matter of luck.

why was he moved so many times? it is so sad, poor children, they have no constant, no one to love them, how can they be normal?

That is awfull Birds, why do you think some SW are not doing as they hould. I have very little experience in CP but is down to a lack of support or knowlede? the basics really where neglected, The first thing surely is to look for family support and networks.

What you say is right about the law, I do know that, But I can only assume that if there is a B&B place or hostelplacement then responsibilty under the act can be served and recorded on paper with regular catch ups? I have no idea. I have much experience to gain and can only hope for a decent staturory placement.

why was he moved so many times

At least three moves are usual, one to a crisis support foster carer, then a short term foster carer, then a (hopefully) long term foster carer, but that doesn't always work out.

Troll

As you probably know the key is good managers, who are not over worked and have a supervision process themselves. Budgets do play a part, but we need more investigation as to why 'malaise' settles in.

The worst performing social workers either have been in the job to long and have forgotten the skills and values of SW, the others don't have a passion for the job.

We do need to re look at the foster care/adoption system, though.

I do worry about prospects of jobs when I qualify especvially when they are looking for 1 and 2 years experienc for CP jobs, yet I can see why as sometimes I also worry about those who are going to gain registration.

and when you look at the moves, it adds up if he has been removed from his mum on average once every year with a minimum of 3 careres, then retured again for another short period untill things have gone wrong again and over and over agin. some of those placements where apparently for less than a day.

so what is it> they couldnt find a suitable long term foster carer? or al the long term ones couldnt cope? he had a series of short term ones? but seriously one day?

and was his sister with him?

surely it is better to even be in a care home, one home, where a child is able to build bonds and relationships and can take this skill on with them in life, then all the uncertainty of temporary foster carers?

I think his sister was probably not with him all the time and the one day placements here and there look like they maybe a result of being placed back with his mum for periods of time and then removed then they have had to respond in an emergancy and so if 3 are average as I stet above if he has been back and forth each year then it adds up. That is far from ideal but also it may go un noticed if he has had a new social worker very year who fails to look comprehensively into his history.