to wonder why the hell a parent would participate in a tv show about how difficult their child is?

[icecold]

Just watching 'Lost Children' about a teenage boy, who's birth mother was a heroin addict. In 15 years he was moved 25 times. He was finally adopted, father left 2 years later.

After 9 years of struggling with his behaviour, she sent him back into care

Very very sad

Why the fuck would you make a documentary about how difficult your child wad, and advertising that you sent him back into care?

Kewcumber i cant help thinking thats what josh must be pondering

I do think however hard the question might be it must be asked to make sure that what is being done is out if love

it was too much of a "snap shot" to properly say, but it really looked to me like he could at this point only build relationships with men. Sue said he never talked about his mum with her but he instantly chatted about it with the drug intervention man.

Sue would have been wrong to persevere IMO as he may well better off in a children's home if he has male key workers. For her to persevere would be for her to put her own guilt above him and his sister maybe? She "took the bullet" in terms of guilt. And he DID go back to school after moving to the children's home.

Honestly I think his adoptive father who walked totally out of his life is worse than his birth mother, his case workers, and any foster carer who couldn't cope etc, he seems to have really put the nail in the coffin he could have stayed involved even if not full time!

op,your now back tracking on some of your views,are you not ??????????

its a pointless question to ask bojangles (though obviously not pointless for the young man in question to explore if it helps him). We don't ask birth parents if they love their child enough before placing them in a residential school (which I presume this is). I have to assume that social services agreed this was the most appropriate action for him in the circumstances.

It's all very sad; not sure this should be shown on TV though... in future, when Josh tries to apply for jobs or courses; or meets a girl he likes - then they will be able to find the details of the programme by googling his name; & will know everything about him!

Even if he consented to being filmed; is he really old enough / mature enough to understand what the consequences would be regarding his privacy?

Agree with thekidsrule

I know quite a few children with severe learning disabilities and severe challenging behaviours. Sometimes it reaches the stage where it really is too much for one person to cope with and the children move into residential school. I would never judge anyone who reaches that stage (there but for the grace of God and all that). Some children are so challenging that they need people there for them who can be refreshed by time off, who have been able to sleep at night or they need more than one person around so if they kick off they're not going to seriously damage that one person.

The poor boy had been terribly failed by the system and by those people who allowed/facilitated him being moved around so much in his early years. His (adoptive) mother had stuck by him and seemed to be doing the absolute best she could.

to be fair none of us can really say that his life may have been better had his adoptive father not walked out. Do we know why he left? Perhaps his relationship had completely broken down and perhaps had he stayed with his wife things would have been even worse for everyone?

There was a bit in the programme which said the boy was struggling with wanting to know where he was from, what his birth mother was like and so on. Perhaps the fact that he felt abandoned by his own mother was enough to turn him into the child he was?

by 'own mother' I mean birth mother.

He didn't seem to have the emotional capacity to understand that he was better off with his adoptive family and he could have a good future because he was removed from the care of a drug addict.

oh obviously Josh doesn't have SLD's but the other points about very challenging children still stands.

no kew it is all questions from me....not statements of what i believe, at all. I have little-no knowledge/experience of this....

"Perhaps his relationship had completely broken down and perhaps had he stayed with his wife things would have been even worse for everyone"

who is saying he should have stayed in a relationship with Sue?
he didn't need to stay in his marriage to stay the children's father!

I think people who judge resi as unloving honestly have no idea what it's like living with a child you cannot control (for whatever reason).

oh Maryz,thank god their are people like you and your family to give a child the love and stability most of us take for granted

Josh is headed straight for jail imho.

That's why it's called 'lost children' - who knows what to do with such a boy?!
Even the people who love him and/or are the closest thing to being equipped to deal with him, cannot cope. It was a case of simply managing his behaviour and outbursts, there were no significant signs of these improving.

I think such a programme is actually important in raising awareness about individuals like Josh, because he's a real conundrum. Nowhere is suitable for him.

Last week featured a 12 yr old girl, who while not being quite so destructive (being an awful lot smaller for a start), displayed similar displays of violence and frustration, along with the verbal abuse that Josh also dished out.
The question then too was 'what to do?'. No-one can cope!

I think Josh's adoptive mother had reached the end of the line. Very reluctantly.

and OP I think even your title reads as judgemental!

it wasn't like she was on there just having a moan about her child, she was mostly complaining about how his care had been managed (or missmanaged) rather than judging HIM for his consequential behaviour

again - does anyone know if all the other children in the school were adopted? Or were there birth parents driven to the same lengths as this woman was?

they said the other children all came from various disruptive backgrounds, It did not sound like all were adopted at all, sounds like some of them had had a parent who died but they could have still be living with the other birth parent

thekidsrule

No i am not back tracking on anything. I dont really have any views, as I have said

I should really have posted this in chat probably. Im not up for a fight. Im just interested in 'it'

But a special school with smaller classes, more activities, young enthusiastic adult (male if possible) mentors, distraction, occupation, all these things would help fill in that time while we wait for them to mature (later than other kids). But no-one will invest money in such things. Instead society does nothing until they have got a criminal record and then spends millions on jail.

This is the truth isn't it?

and OP I think even your title reads as judgemental!

ok, whatever

im a mother to a very challenging male teenager (hes bio mine)

hes as tall as me,stronger,and has a very dominering personality

he is trying to take on the "male of the house"

his father died 3 yrs ago and has had a massive impact on him (they were very close)

every day proves a challenge and my son has had a very good life so far in respect of stability,love,holidays,etc etc

i struggle and reluctantly think what the next few years will bring,but atleast ive cared and grown to know his ways and background from the day he was born

adoptive parents are really at the mercy of what the authorities tell them,any child "in care" i would of thought will have more problems than some,but adopters are just supposed to get on with it and maybe if their lucky find out some back history in time

the system is not working from what i can see