About brothers "girlfriend" coming to my daughter's christening

[Birdiegirl]

I have only one brother and I asked him to be Godfather to our DD, she is our only child (not sure that matters but just to give you the full picture)

Anyway DB has decided to emigrate to Australia and should be gone by September. The christening is next Subday so no problems there.

The issue is my DB is shagging a 19 year old, he is 34. He has told me that he's only going out with this girl to fill in time until he leaves and once he goes to Aus it will be over.

He asked to bring her to the christening and DH and said we'd prefer if he didn't because (a) she's far too young for him in our opinion, (b) it's only a temporary thing and (c) we've never met her and the christening is a family occasion with only a couple of very close friends.

Now my brother is saying if he can't bring this girl then he won't go either. And my reply has been well if you don't come to your only niece's christening you'll never see her or me again.

So am I being unreasonable, should I back down and let him bring her?

Please be gentle, thanks.

YABU she is his GF and the rest is none of your business

Sunday

a) you are entitled to your opinion but the relationship is not illegal and really NOYB
b) Again - NOYB about the projected life expectancy of the relationship
c) Are the other friends bringing partners? If so YABU not to allow him to bring his.

I think I'm going for an overall 9/10 YABU.

So, your adult brother is having consensual sex with another adult?
Why not just let him bring her? Not really your place to comment on his choice of partner, however temporary, unless you have real and specific reasons?

a) YABU
b) YABU
c) YANBU - this is the point I would use to demonstrate my wish that she not be invited.

Oh gosh, I really, really feel for you.

I had a similar thing with my wedding where a sibling refused to come unless their new boyfriend came too (thankfully no dreadful age gap) but hung around when i really needed it to be people i was comfortable with- eg rehersal, he was still at my parents house at 11pm the night before the wedding when i wanted to spend a bit of time with them and would not go etc!

I gave in because of intense pressure from my siblin and parents but i wish i hadn't.

A few weeks later they had gone but disrupted quite a few things for me on my wedding day. I don't know what the answer is for you, but I wish you well, not an easy one ime

YANBU

I can understand that you wouldn't want his latest, transient 'squeeze' at a small family gathering.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable, it's not really any of your business who he dates and seeing as you don't have to pay per head at Christenings, her presence wont make a blind bit of difference. HOWEVER, you can invite who you like and even though I would be annoyed in his position, he is being quite manipulative saying he won't go without her thats also unreasonable!

Who says "squeeze" anymore?

Firstly if he's going to Austrailia i think you should be pleased you have been able to get him to the christening before he goes. You can easily get some photos with just him and your baby so dont worry about the g/f. Some people do not feel confident attending such important or big family events on their own and need a bit of support from a partner/friend.
However, isnt the point of a godfather someone who will be close to the child throughout their life, will that be the case if he lives in Austrailia ?

YANBU

A Christening is not like a birthday party and if you don't want her there, don't invite her.

He isn't a great rolke model for your DD, using a teenager for a convenient shag before fucking off. Does SHE know it is a temporary thing?

Why is it a dreadful age gap? I'm 24 and my bf is 35. Ok not as big an age gap but still big enough... People still take us seriously (well as serious as you'd take any other 4 month relationship)

Can't anyone come to a christening though? Like if it's in a church? When DS was christened it was in a church full of strangers!

I don't know as I'm not Christian, his dad is, and the rest of my family.

He isn't a great role model for your DD
Massive presumption, perhaps?

YANBU to not want a casual GF there. YANBU for the last reason you gave of it only being a small occasion. However, it is noyb how old she is (I would too tbh, but I wouldnt interfere) or that he admits to planning on dumping her soon.

I wouldnt have said that you will cut him off if he doesnt come, there is no law to say that he has to be Godfather or even that as godfather, he has to be at the service. My BIL is my DD's GF and due to working 300 miles away that weekend, he couldnt make the church, but he is as much so (if not more) her GF than my other childrens godparents, as he takes an interest in her and take the job seriously.

To say he will never see you or the baby again is a bit OTT and makes you look silly.

IMHO, it depends on how long he has been with his GF - regardless of the age gap. They are both adults.

If they are an established 'couple', eg dating for several months etc YABU not to let them attend together. If they have been casually bonking for a fortnight then I am surprised she would want to come to a big family event like this really.

Thanks for the replies do far. Maybe I should clarify a couple of things - not sure if it matters. Sorry don't want to drip feed.

He has only started shagging going out with her in the last couple of weeks, and he has told me straight out that it's not a serious thing, just killing time until he goes to Aus. If he was serious about her, I could get over the age difference but he had no plans to see her ever again.

I know that it's all legal and consensual sex but my DH has nieces the same age as the girl and it is just unsavoury to me. Would anyone want their 19 year old DD going out with a 34 year old man really?

The only people coming to the christening are 2 friends (and their husbands and kids?) who I've known for about 15 years.

So is noone else going to be in the church? Was it more expensive or something? Or not in uk?

First looking at this I was going to say YABU - however, I remember going through a wild phase of my life and having far too many boyfriends and I would never have expected any of them to be invited to christenings or the like.

YANBU for not wanting her to come however on the basis that they are not a solid couple (unless their relationship has changed and you don't know about it).

I know that it's all legal and consensual sex but my DH has nieces the same age as the girl and it is just unsavoury to me. Would anyone want their 19 year old DD going out with a 34 year old man really?

But that is totally irrelevant. I wouldnt like it, no. But this is about a stranger who your DB has been going out with for a couple of weeks being invited to a very small intimate occasion. I would feel the same it she was the same age as him and you are allowing your distaste of the age gap to colour your feelings when it shouldnt.

Also, I wonder if this "affair" and his admission to killing time with her has made you look at him in a different way and are looking for an excuse for him to not be GF after all.....

2 people other than family.

why would you let it go as far as never seeing him or allowing him to see your child? He's your only brother don't let this spoil your relationship. You might even like her.

I really don't see WHY it matters - why? surely dedicating your child to God is the thing