To NOT want my mum to buy dd toys! And to want my rules respected?

[EnterWittyNicknameHere]

I'm so annoyed. My mum took dd out for the day yesterday. When she came to collect her, i specifically asked her not to buy dd anything today (she normally gets her a little toy or a magazine) as i'd felt she'd had enough treats so far this week (i'd taken her to pizza hut the day before, and the cinema the day before that). My mum throws money around constantly and my youngest brother has ended up a spoilt brat because of it - and i don't want my own child ending up that way.

Anyway, my dad dropped dd off yesterday at dinnertime, and she was in tears. She told me it's because granny had bought her a mini dollshouse thing (a brand name one so approx £10-£20) and she wasn't allowed to bring it home, it had to stay in granny's house. Now, obviously the reason she's not allowed to bring it home is because my mum knew i'd be angry she bought her something. She probably didn't think that dd would tell me about the toy. IMO toys like this are for birthdays and Christmases, not a casual weekend thing.

Another reason i'm angry about this is that i've started buying in Christmas presents for dd in the sales. So what would have happened if i'd picked this dollhouse up and was keeping it by til December, then my mum just gave her the same one yesterday willy nilly?

The other thing i'm angry about yesterday is this - i live on a main road. And when my dad dropped her off yesterday, he told me i'd have to have a word with dd about running along main roads. I told him that i don't let her do such a thing, and i'll definitely have a word with her. He then said 'yes you do, i've seen it happen whenever i drop you both off. You let her run ahead to the main door' (We live in a flat). Basically, what he's refering to is letting dd run approx 10feet ahead of me and going up the path to the main door, while i'm getting bags etc out the boot. He feels i should have her hold my hand from the second we get out the car, even when he parks right at the gate!

He got huffy with me when i refused to do this, and when i told him i'd not tell her off for it. It's not as if i let her run riot at main roads, but when we're 10 feet away from the gate, then i let her run ahead.

AAAARRRRRGH! Am i being unreasonable to feel this way, or being silly? It's getting to the stage where i'm thinking of pretending dd's sick next time they ask to have her as i don't trust them not to buy her anything else etc.

We're back to NMG (No Middle Ground) :o

Did you coin that, Bupcakes? I love it :)

Ghost It is not a few gifts!!! Have you read what the OP has written. The GM is constantly buying a ridiculous amount of stuff, to the point that the OP feels that she does not get to buy things that she would like to be able to get herself for her only child . And i'm sorry, but explicitly ignoring the wishes of the parent is doing something wrong, whether you agree with them or not, it is no ones place to override a parent's decision.

Where do the boundaries if middle ground start? Do we then start having ruled at what and how much is bought

NMG. There is a lot of it on MN.

I wonder if I'll make it on to the list of hallowed acronyms?

"If a grandparent can't indulge a child with a few gifts because the parent has a bloody problem then that's the parents issue to deal with."

Utter bollocks.

whatthecall so that's the OP having an issue because she wants to buy them. Does it matter who buys them? Only if you're childish.

Tis perfectly normal and reasonable to want to buy your only child's first school uniform, and larger special birthday/christmas presents. It is, however, the behaviour of a selfish loon to try to outdo your own daughter and spend ridiculous amounts of money on unwanted clothes/presents against the explicit wishes of the child's parent.

Ghost Are you the GM????

Hahah if I was a GM at my age thatd be something to worry about :o

No, it's NOT childish to resent being constantly over-ridden by a grandparent. IME, it is about more than the actual toy that has been bought, it is about having your preferences trodden on by a dimwitted GP who thinks that piece of plastic shite = brilliant granny. Then when you say "no" to a treat the next day because granny has already indulged that whim, YOU, the parent are cast as the mean one. You, the parent, then has to deal with the epic bennies when the requests for plastic shit are not met.

If OP's mum is anything like mine, requests for books/crayons/plasticine anything useful that will not get hoyed into the never-ending pit of plastic depair are met with slack-jawed wonder. Because kids only like plastic crappola, don't they?

if they want to be seen as the Golden Grannies, why don't they channel all of that dollar into a savings account instead of keeping Toys R Us afloat singlehandedly, then when little cherub turns 17, granny produces a souped-up Astra for them to drive about in? THAT will be more appreciated in the long run than Polly Pocket's friffing Party House. Who seriously remembers that tat that nanny bought for them when they were little?!

Just checking

Your views are all ME ME ME.

Oh dear , here comes the typical GP resentment on MN.

Yes, my views are all me, me, me because I can totally understand OP (and others) not wanting their child ruined.

Is the GM not being a bit ME ME ME when she upsets her daughter so she can have the enjoyment of indulging the child with loads of clothes and presents.

There's nothing wrong with a small bit of tat here and there, and some occasional treats from GPs and other family members, but in this case the OPs mother has taken it too far. She should show some consideration to her own daughter. Don't see how you can be a brilliant grandparent when you ride roughshod over your own child to do it.

"Does it matter who buys them? Only if you're childish."

So we're agreed that the OP's mother's insistence on buying everything is childish?

OK, we're getting somewhere.

GO BUPCAKE!!
Love=spending time with the child. Cuddles. Reading to them etc. Being there when they fall out with their parents to keep lines of communication open.
Love does not = adding to landfill by buying endless plastic shitola. And clothes made by kids in developing countries who should be in school.
This is why kids loose their way because too many people think that parenting =buying stuff to shut them up instead of spending time and putting the effort in to raising them properly.
FFS.

I expect you throw away the plastic tat out of party bags too.

Hallelujah, Cockypants.

I fucking do, usual! If I see one more polystyrene build your own aeroplane in my life...

Instead of party bags for DS'sparty, I went to the bookpeople.com and got 20 Quentin Blake books for £15. The year before I did party bags. It cost me a quid a bag. A quid for a bag of plastic shit. Why?!

I am aware that I sound like a pious prick, thanks.

Op when my ex met a new gf, she used to be always buying them little bits and pieces, comics and stuff. It used to really grate on me tbh. Until my very wise mom asked me if I would prefer that she was vile to them. She had a point

I can appreciate you don't like it much but really, things could be a lot worse!

Does your DS only have niace wooden toys?

Might sound childish

Er, yes, it does.

I enforce certain rules at my house, and then my mum has her own little rules ... It's not fair on dd imo. It'll be so confusing for her.

Your DD will have different rules at school and at Rainbows & at Swimming lessons, too; she'll cope, honest.

I think your mum is being controlling, too, though tbh. I think maybe we see where you got it from. Sorry I've no idea how you break out of this cycle.

I wish my mother wouldn't buy my son tons of plastic crap too Bupcakes

Because granny buys him something each time they are out my son expects something from me each time we are out too. He doesn't get it and so he creates merry hell and acts like the epitome of a spoiled child

I've suggested she buy him a magazine, or a book, or give him a bit of change to put in his money box, but she appears capable of only buying shite

Another thread where I agree with everything AThingInYourLife has said.

OP - YANBU

Love does not = adding to landfill by buying endless plastic shitola.

Love this

The world's in a global recession because of greed, the definition of which in my book is an inability to appreciate when one has enough shite!!

Yes usual I do. As well as all that haribo shit. What a lousy parent I am.
Set some boundaries, people, or all your pathetic over indulgence just to look like a lovely mummy/grandma will come and bite you on the arse.