To NOT want my mum to buy dd toys! And to want my rules respected?

[EnterWittyNicknameHere]

I'm so annoyed. My mum took dd out for the day yesterday. When she came to collect her, i specifically asked her not to buy dd anything today (she normally gets her a little toy or a magazine) as i'd felt she'd had enough treats so far this week (i'd taken her to pizza hut the day before, and the cinema the day before that). My mum throws money around constantly and my youngest brother has ended up a spoilt brat because of it - and i don't want my own child ending up that way.

Anyway, my dad dropped dd off yesterday at dinnertime, and she was in tears. She told me it's because granny had bought her a mini dollshouse thing (a brand name one so approx £10-£20) and she wasn't allowed to bring it home, it had to stay in granny's house. Now, obviously the reason she's not allowed to bring it home is because my mum knew i'd be angry she bought her something. She probably didn't think that dd would tell me about the toy. IMO toys like this are for birthdays and Christmases, not a casual weekend thing.

Another reason i'm angry about this is that i've started buying in Christmas presents for dd in the sales. So what would have happened if i'd picked this dollhouse up and was keeping it by til December, then my mum just gave her the same one yesterday willy nilly?

The other thing i'm angry about yesterday is this - i live on a main road. And when my dad dropped her off yesterday, he told me i'd have to have a word with dd about running along main roads. I told him that i don't let her do such a thing, and i'll definitely have a word with her. He then said 'yes you do, i've seen it happen whenever i drop you both off. You let her run ahead to the main door' (We live in a flat). Basically, what he's refering to is letting dd run approx 10feet ahead of me and going up the path to the main door, while i'm getting bags etc out the boot. He feels i should have her hold my hand from the second we get out the car, even when he parks right at the gate!

He got huffy with me when i refused to do this, and when i told him i'd not tell her off for it. It's not as if i let her run riot at main roads, but when we're 10 feet away from the gate, then i let her run ahead.

AAAARRRRRGH! Am i being unreasonable to feel this way, or being silly? It's getting to the stage where i'm thinking of pretending dd's sick next time they ask to have her as i don't trust them not to buy her anything else etc.

Does your DD have enough toys at your Parent's house?

Oh I feel your pain, my parents don't seem to be able to see DS without giving him something. If you say no then you look like the mean one who won't let them do a nice thing.

I would make it clear that if they buy her another gift next time (and she will tell you because she's a child) that you will stop visits for a while as she has enough toys, if the only way to limit the toys is to limit the visits, then that's what you'll do.

Be prepared, my parents moved to buying clothes, which at least are practical, but then they get huffy if he's not wearing something they got him everytime they see him

This is all a bit petty isn't it?

How much does it really matter that your dd's grandparents like to treat her? Is it worth ruining your relationship with them about it?

Can I just ask why you think buying things is 'spoiling'?

If a child demands things then they exhibit some spoiled behaviour, but if it's a treat, even a regular one, and they are grateful or thankful for it, I don't see the problem.

Sorry, but I cant see a trip to the pictures, a pizza, and the odd magazine 'ruins' a child.

But I suppose your child, your rules, even if you are a bit mean.

There is nothing to stop your mother filling her own house with the contents of Hamleys - what would you do then? stop visits?

So, you are allowed to treat her to pizza and cinema, but your mum is not, because your brother ended up a spoil brat?

So, your mother has to reign in her spending, because you yourself cant? And it is your dd, so ner ner?

""Sorry darling, you can't see nanny because, you know shhhh she flashes her cash and buys you things.""

Ah found it, OP, I think you are just a little bit

Leave the bastards.

Blimey, sorry I think you are being very hard line about all this.

So you would stop your DD seeing her grandma because she buys her things?

You sound a bit jel tbh. They aren't doing any harm and it won't turn your dd into a brat as long as she understands pressies aren't to be expected.

GP are allowed to treat there GC.

YABU.

I don't see the problem. I can see that you think your DD has had enough treats but I think your Mum just bought something nice for her GD to play with at hers.

I know this will annoy people, but you're bloody lucky that you have loving parents who want to spend time with your DD giving you a break. They may have a different approach and whilst it's "your child your rules", you can't control the way they look at things.

As for the running off without holding her hand thing- well I think your parents mean well and are just being over protective. My Dad often chips in with advice I disagree with and I shrug it off as it is his way of feeling he is making a contribution to my DCs upbringing.

YABU and petty.

How nice that your mums wants to spoil your DD, isnt that what nans are for? She wont end up like a spoilt brat because she lives with you, not your mum, and so the odd gift from nanny is not going to scar her you know.

Your dd is not your property either... You cannot micro manage her forever

Catch a grip! A £10 dolls house will not magically change your DDs character and make her a terrible person. Your issues are with your parents and your 'spoilt' brother. Don't let this spoil the relationship between your mum and DD.

Can't you see they're trying to be good GPs? I bet they're baffled by you sometimes.

YABVU. This is what grandparents do. You are being petty and a bit mean spirited.

I can't see that pizza hut and the cinema equals too many treats already. Why should only you get the pleasure of treating her. Also there is a difference between being regularly treated and appreciative and being spoilt. I think you are doing that thing that some parents do where only they're allowed to give their child the best time.

Also in regards to the presents thing, your mum could have bought it and kept it too. Unless you are going to be regularly updating her on what she cannot buy then it is a totally irrelevant point. How do you know she isn't collecting bits for Christmas and you've bought something that she had first. Its all very petty, I'm assuming your young and this is your first child.

The road thing is also petty, I wouldn't get into an argument about it. Parents and ILs love sticking their oar in, they will probably have an opinion on every parenting decision you make. Learn to nod and then ignore unless its something major.

why dont you suggest gifts you dont mind books etc

There must be some underlying issue because your post really doesn't seem to contain anything to get upset over.

Grand parents? - aren't they renowned for spoiling their grand children???

Really, what is it that's getting your goat? You mentioned your have a younger brother who got spoilt, i'm presuming you both got brought up together and you don't consider yourself as spoilt.....it would seem it's more about perception of spoiltness! Your child wont end up a spoilt brat if you teach her to be thankful for what she has and how very lucky she is!

Would you have a problem if you parents went to charity shops and bought toys for your child to play with at THEIR house? or is it that you only want your child to take her OWN toys with her to grand parents?

And as for you father talking to you about his concerns about the main road, really??? You're really pi$$ed off with him because he cares about his grand daughter near a main road and is bringing this to your attention - even though you already know and deal with this, surely a "will do" (even if you don't to his suggestion) would suffice? Maybe it's something that in your past he dealt with (or didn't) that is making him ask you to be aware of (you might of ran of into/near a road when small and it shook him up!!)

You're a lucky girl who has family who delight in your child, enjoy it :)

OP YANBU. I would be very annoyed if someone completely ignored my wishes like that. I too think that larger gifts should be reserved for birthdays/christmas etc. The thing that would annoy me the most is that your mother not only ignored your wishes, but then attempted to hide it from you, and expected your dd to hide it from you too!! I'd have trust issues with an adult who behaves like that.

The thing that would annoy me the most is that your mother not only ignored your wishes, but then attempted to hide it from you, and expected your dd to hide it from you too!! I'd have trust issues with an adult who behaves like that.

It doesn't say the GM tried to hide it, that was the OP's take on it. Nowhere did it say the GM told anyone it was a secret, it sounds like she just decided to keep it at hers for her GD to play with there. Trust issues? hardly!

Good Lord you sound awful. How dare they take their granddaughter out and buy her something nice?

I expect there will now be a drip-feed of a whole load of other small misdemeanours...