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AIBU?

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Original poster

To NOT want my mum to buy dd toys! And to want my rules respected?

278 replies

EnterWittyNicknameHere · 06/08/2012 12:55

I'm so annoyed. My mum took dd out for the day yesterday. When she came to collect her, i specifically asked her not to buy dd anything today (she normally gets her a little toy or a magazine) as i'd felt she'd had enough treats so far this week (i'd taken her to pizza hut the day before, and the cinema the day before that). My mum throws money around constantly and my youngest brother has ended up a spoilt brat because of it - and i don't want my own child ending up that way.

Anyway, my dad dropped dd off yesterday at dinnertime, and she was in tears. She told me it's because granny had bought her a mini dollshouse thing (a brand name one so approx £10-£20) and she wasn't allowed to bring it home, it had to stay in granny's house. Now, obviously the reason she's not allowed to bring it home is because my mum knew i'd be angry she bought her something. She probably didn't think that dd would tell me about the toy. IMO toys like this are for birthdays and Christmases, not a casual weekend thing.

Another reason i'm angry about this is that i've started buying in Christmas presents for dd in the sales. So what would have happened if i'd picked this dollhouse up and was keeping it by til December, then my mum just gave her the same one yesterday willy nilly?

The other thing i'm angry about yesterday is this - i live on a main road. And when my dad dropped her off yesterday, he told me i'd have to have a word with dd about running along main roads. I told him that i don't let her do such a thing, and i'll definitely have a word with her. He then said 'yes you do, i've seen it happen whenever i drop you both off. You let her run ahead to the main door' (We live in a flat). Basically, what he's refering to is letting dd run approx 10feet ahead of me and going up the path to the main door, while i'm getting bags etc out the boot. He feels i should have her hold my hand from the second we get out the car, even when he parks right at the gate!

He got huffy with me when i refused to do this, and when i told him i'd not tell her off for it. It's not as if i let her run riot at main roads, but when we're 10 feet away from the gate, then i let her run ahead.

AAAARRRRRGH! Am i being unreasonable to feel this way, or being silly? It's getting to the stage where i'm thinking of pretending dd's sick next time they ask to have her as i don't trust them not to buy her anything else etc.

OP posts:
GhostShip · 06/08/2012 15:05

Oh get a frigging grip. You'd be complaining if she didnt buy her anything! I can't believe the first world problems some people on here have.

I'd be more concerened about my daughter crying because she couldn't bring her dolls house home!

CockyPants · 06/08/2012 15:05

Pound shop?
I think you should drag them to Harrodsburg and Harvey nicks!

AThingInYourLife · 06/08/2012 15:06

hairy - she sounds resentful of her mother's bizarre, over the top, controlling use of gifts and fake generosity.

She doesn't sound like she wishes her mother would buy all her clothes.

hairylemon · 06/08/2012 15:07

"And things like £250 on a next gift card - that's not letting OP chose what to buy her daughter, it's telling her she has to buy it from a specific shop, which the DM has chosen. What if she wants to buy her DD clothes from somewhere else? She can't without appearing to be an ungrateful moo. It also implies that the OP can't or won't provide for her daugher so DM has to pay for it to happen. "

This is easily solved, OP uses the gift card on presents, clothes for herself or sells it on for £230 etc and buys DD what she wants.

BupcakesandCunting · 06/08/2012 15:10

"If you want her to have anything special clothes wise there's nothing stopping you from going out and getting them yourself. You can never have too many clothes. "

LOL

Are you Katie Holmes?

AThingInYourLife · 06/08/2012 15:10

"I can't believe the first world problems some people on here have."

Really?

You expected 3rd world problems on a parenting forum based in the UK Confused

Sorry the things we want to talk about are beneath you.

GhostShip · 06/08/2012 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

hairylemon · 06/08/2012 15:11

"hairy - she sounds resentful of her mother's bizarre, over the top, controlling use of gifts and fake generosity."

Well, to me and it seemed alot of others, it initially sounded like she is just resentful of her mum treating her GC when she had already had a pizza and watched a film that week.

"She doesn't sound like she wishes her mother would buy all her clothes. "

um.....no you're right Confused

GhostShip · 06/08/2012 15:12

athinginyourlife I meant more the fact that people find means to complain about things that are actually good.

I never said anything was beneath me and I'm defo not that sort of person. You're hardly talking for the whole forum...

squeakytoy · 06/08/2012 15:12

It sounds fairly clear to me that your mum is trying to make up for what you missed out on as a child because she couldnt afford to treat you, so by treating her granddaughter, she is attempting to treat you both now.

Having a loving granny who you can remember spoiling you as a child will not turn your kid into a materialistic monster, it will just give her a lot of loving memories of her grandmother as she grows older.

You remember having very little as a child, your daughter will remember having lots. She also wont care who got her school uniform either.

BupcakesandCunting · 06/08/2012 15:15

Why is over-buying of material tat a good thing, GhostShip?

GColdtimer · 06/08/2012 15:16

Ffs. Think yourself lucky your mother wants to and is able to see your dd. I know it can be a bit annoying, my mil dies the same thing (or did before she got cancer) but to consider stopping her from seeing your dd if she doesn't stop it is really spiteful.

Xayide · 06/08/2012 15:18

GhostShip
"And contemplating stopping your daughter from seeing them? "

If the DD is starting school soon there is a natural opportunity to reduce visits - as school is tiring and weekends tend to be very busy once the week is filled with school.

There was a bit of a gap in visits in my family - due partly to GP attitude but mainly due to other things - and when we did start seeing the GP again regularly their attitude to us as parents had massively improved as we were calmer and less defensive in dealing with them.

GhostShip · 06/08/2012 15:26

Bubcakes if you've read the same topic I have this isn't about buying 'tat'. So what's your point?

Xayide - yes of course that would reduce visits. And? That doesn't mean thinking about stopping visits because the grandparenx are too giving is right.

AThingInYourLife · 06/08/2012 15:27

Ghostship - you might think that having your mother use money to buy herself a parenting role in your daughter's life, but others might (and indeed do) disagree.

The OP doesn't think it's good that she doesn't get to buy clothes for her daughter or have any say over the frequency if extravagant presents.

I guess it depends on whether you think buying stuff is a positive thing in and of itself.

I don't. It doesn't sound like the OP does either.

BupcakesandCunting · 06/08/2012 15:28

I'm not making a point. I'm asking a question. You say that OP is making a fuss about something that is good. I am asking why you think that the buying of toys is a good thing.

GhostShip · 06/08/2012 15:29

It's a disgusting attitude to have if you'd deprive your children of seeing their grandparents just because of this.

GhostShip · 06/08/2012 15:31

Bupcakes - it is not a bad thing though. Would the OP rather the child neglected by their grandparents. Would that make her happy? And it's not tat, it's a toy a child would like.

Clytaemnestra · 06/08/2012 15:34

Why is it a straight choice between neglect and rampant consumerism though?

It's better to be beaten up than murdered, but neither is really a particularly desirable scenario is it?

BupcakesandCunting · 06/08/2012 15:38

It's certainly not a bad thing to buy toys for a child on occasion but this is more than on occasion.

I like how you associate the non-buying of toys as "neglect". That's interesting.

And I disagree that if a child likes it that it is not tat. My DS likes all sorts of pound shop shite. If it's lurid and plastic, kids will like it.

whathellcall · 06/08/2012 15:39

Ghost Would the OP rather the child neglected by their grandparents. Would that make her happy?

I'm sorry, but what a load of crap. A GP's relationship with their GC doesn't have to be either overindulgence with a load of unnecessary presents, or neglect!! Is it really too much to expect a GP to be able to use some self control and not continually go against their own child's wishes!! Just spending quality time with the child should be enough to forge a good relationship. Of course some small treats are great too, but to constantly spend shitloads of money on presents and clothes is far too much, especially if you know that it upsets your own daughter so much.

usualsuspect · 06/08/2012 15:39

I buy my DGC 'tat' all the time

gotthemoononastick · 06/08/2012 15:40

please read Northernlurker,s wise thread ....it is becoming " Mummy dearest" again.

usualsuspect · 06/08/2012 15:41

Grin at all the worthy quality time speak on this thread.

GhostShip · 06/08/2012 15:41

No I don't see not buying gifts and neglect, I was being obtuse.

If a grandparent can't indulge a child with a few gifts because the parent has a bloody problem then that's the parents issue to deal with.

The grandparents are doing nothing wrong.

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