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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feel humiliated long one sorry

176 replies

JudgeJodie · 05/08/2012 18:18

So we were at my mums 60th birthday party yesterday, in the garden, bit of music nice food etc. my sister and her (grown up) children were visiting from 300 miles away. As the day went on my sister and I were singing and dancing with the little children having a ball.

My husband keeps shouting me over to where he is in the gazebo. I was happily dancing but on the third time of him shouting, I went to see what he wanted. He was smirking and as I walked over my nephew (25!) tipped the entire afternoons rain from the gazebo roof on top of me in front of all my friends and family. My husband had planned it with him. Now I am 35 and my husband is forty so not little kids.

I feel completely humiliated that my husband would do that to me. I am annoyed at my nephew as well but tbh I see him once in a blue moon and he doesn't really know me to know I would not find it funny. So I go in the house and all I want to do at that point is go home and get changed into dry clothes. I was SOAKED. where is husband?

Well after doing that, rather than apologise he has taken the only set of keys we had with us and gone home on his own. Left me to sort the kids out who were upest that mum was upset. So now I can't even just go home, I have to scrabble around soaking wet in front of everyone Getting DC together.

When I get home (long wet walk with two sobbing DC) he is i front of the tv watching Olympics with the excuse that he was only shouting me over to say he had to "go home and have a poo, the type of poo you can't have in someone else's house". I know that it was planned because my nephew had the decency to be mortified, apologise and admit what they had planned. I feel he should have been man enough to say no I won't do that to my wife, she is a grown woman and it will not go down well.

I called his Dad to come and pick him up so that we could all have some space, only today he is still insisting he did nothing wrong. I have said when he is ready to apologise he can come home, but until he realises he is massively in the wrong then he can stay back with his parents.

So as not to drip feed a couple of things. My mums 60th was not only a big birthday anyway but the first birthday since my DF passed away in December. Her 60th was the date he wanted to fight to (cancer) but sadly didn't make it.

I also had a conversation with husband before we set off in the morning to ask him to be supportive of me on the day, as for some reason that I can't put my finger on, I sometimes feel quie self conscious around my nieces and nephews. They are lovely and I am usually an incredibly confident person socially so don't understand it but I had talked it through with him that morning.

So I am prepared to hear that I am over-reacting but I can't help but feel humiliated and disrespected and happy to have a bit of time to myself.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 05/08/2012 18:21

Your DH was horrible to do that to you and then leave you there.

Does he have form for this kind of prank that you would usually be ok with?

gothicangel · 05/08/2012 18:22

your husband is a twat, and your def NOT over-reacting,

i would feel the same as you are now,

xx hugs xx

StripyShoes · 05/08/2012 18:22

Your dh is a twat.

LindyHemming · 05/08/2012 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AKMD · 05/08/2012 18:22

YANBU. A practical joke gone wrong is bad enough anyway but a) you asked for soecial support and b) he left you to walk home! That is shocking.

Glitterkitten24 · 05/08/2012 18:22

I don't think you are over reacting, I would have been furious if my H had treated me like that. It's bad enough but that the day was poignant because of your DF, it's disgusting.

And to top it off he leaves without you and the DCs? I'm actually raging on your behalf.

Has he ever acted so cruelly before?

MarasmeAbsolu · 05/08/2012 18:23

This was really nasty of him :(
I hope it has not tainted totally your memories of what sounded like a great day.
Fair do for sending him away.

JudgeJodie · 05/08/2012 18:23

No he doesn't have any form for it and he would definitely know it would not be ok with me. I think that is what hurts more, that he knows I wouldn't be amused. If my nephew had done it on his own I would have been cross and embarrassed but for him to do it with him just feels so much worse.

OP posts:
WithoutCaution · 05/08/2012 18:23

YANBU and I'm Angry on your behalf.

Wine and Brew are available in large quantities

StateofConfusion · 05/08/2012 18:23

Yanbu.

Its the kind of stupid arse thing my dp would do but were both early twenties so its still the kind of juevinille (sp) thing he and friends would do.

I'd have been livid and exceptionally upset and the fact that he then left made it worse! I hope he bloody appolagises soon! X

TheBirderer · 05/08/2012 18:23

He is a fucking prick. Done nothing wrong, my ass. Humiliating you after you asked him to be supportive, taking the keys away so you had to stay there, on the first birthday your mum has had since your dad died...when you'd clearly be thinking of him.

Absolute prick.

Glitterkitten24 · 05/08/2012 18:24

And you shouldn't feel humiliated, you didn't do anything wrong.

He should be mortified at his behaviour and should be apologising to you, your DCs and your mother for acting like a twonk at her party.

RandomMess · 05/08/2012 18:25

What the hell is going on with him then? His behaviour makes no sense what so ever.

Is he jealous that he is not centre of your world and are asking for support?

JudgeJodie · 05/08/2012 18:25

Thanks all. Right now twat is the nicest way I can think of describing him (and as a long time lurker on AIBU I know some pretty good insults!)

OP posts:
HecateHarshPants · 05/08/2012 18:26

That was a really really stupid thing that he did.

was it a ridiculous and ill thought out practical joke that seemed quite funny after alcohol )assuming there was any) or was it his intention to humiliate you? - not that he did. Well, you felt humiliated, of course, I understand that. But what would other people have seen - a twat of a man doing something bloody stupid. No reflection on you (well, other than you married the fucker Wink )

I don't think you are overreacting. You feel upset about it, you feel he humiliated you and he doesn't care. He doesn't need to understand WHY you didn't think this was a hilarious joke Hmm he just needs to accept that you didn't and, tbh, that should be enough to make him feel sorry about it.

Is this something he does often? Not soaking you with water, but just generally doing things that make you feel like this?

do you think he will apologise?

SauvignonBlanche · 05/08/2012 18:26

What a twat!

LeandarBear · 05/08/2012 18:28

YANBU. I would be furious.

Chocobo · 05/08/2012 18:29

Yanbu op. Your dh sounds vile. Am so sorry he ruined your day :(

Your dh should be the one who would want to stand up for you and defend you from this sort of behaviour not be the one who instigates it.

FormerlyTitledUntidy · 05/08/2012 18:30

What a dick head. If someone soaked me and then made me walk home with the kids crying that would be it for me. No way would I be with someone who thought so little of me and treated me so badly. He could come up with as ever many excuses as he liked but it wouldn't be good enough.
I'm so sorry he has treated you like this :(

weblette · 05/08/2012 18:30

Sorry OP but he is a complete arsehole. You asked him for support on what would be a difficult day and he responded with utterly juvenile crap.

How the hell would he feel if someone had done that to him, never mind the particular occasion?

You have every right to feel very very pissed off, he has a lot of apologising to do.

futureunknown · 05/08/2012 18:30

I don't think you are over-reacting either. This was cruel and insensitive.

It shows a very nasty side of your DH.

He is going to have to work hard to make amends as this was seriously wrong.

I feel very sad on your behalf.

PhoneyMEDALWINNER · 05/08/2012 18:31

YANBU

he behaved like a twat, he's not (yet) contrite, he can't begin to claim you would think that was hilarious and harmless, especially bearing in mind your convo beforehand.

TheBirderer · 05/08/2012 18:33

Tbh the fact that he left right after doing it makes me think he knew you'd be upset and wanted to make sure he ran off quickly, never mind that bullshit about needing a poo and only calling you over to say that. He knew you'd be upset and went off to avoid having to see it, leaving you with the children.

WhirlyByrd · 05/08/2012 18:33

Your husband is behaving like a child, not a responsible adult. Those are not the actions of someone who loves, respects and cares for you. If he was mine, he would be packing his bags and heading to a hotel for some thinking space. I would also make sure that he didn't take the keys, either. What a prize dick.

He has some serious apologising to do - not only to you but also to your family and especially your mum for messing up her day.

letseatgrandma · 05/08/2012 18:33

What a complete arse. I cannot begin to imagine why he did that-it sound like he's punishing you for something. Any ideas?

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