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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feel humiliated long one sorry

176 replies

JudgeJodie · 05/08/2012 18:18

So we were at my mums 60th birthday party yesterday, in the garden, bit of music nice food etc. my sister and her (grown up) children were visiting from 300 miles away. As the day went on my sister and I were singing and dancing with the little children having a ball.

My husband keeps shouting me over to where he is in the gazebo. I was happily dancing but on the third time of him shouting, I went to see what he wanted. He was smirking and as I walked over my nephew (25!) tipped the entire afternoons rain from the gazebo roof on top of me in front of all my friends and family. My husband had planned it with him. Now I am 35 and my husband is forty so not little kids.

I feel completely humiliated that my husband would do that to me. I am annoyed at my nephew as well but tbh I see him once in a blue moon and he doesn't really know me to know I would not find it funny. So I go in the house and all I want to do at that point is go home and get changed into dry clothes. I was SOAKED. where is husband?

Well after doing that, rather than apologise he has taken the only set of keys we had with us and gone home on his own. Left me to sort the kids out who were upest that mum was upset. So now I can't even just go home, I have to scrabble around soaking wet in front of everyone Getting DC together.

When I get home (long wet walk with two sobbing DC) he is i front of the tv watching Olympics with the excuse that he was only shouting me over to say he had to "go home and have a poo, the type of poo you can't have in someone else's house". I know that it was planned because my nephew had the decency to be mortified, apologise and admit what they had planned. I feel he should have been man enough to say no I won't do that to my wife, she is a grown woman and it will not go down well.

I called his Dad to come and pick him up so that we could all have some space, only today he is still insisting he did nothing wrong. I have said when he is ready to apologise he can come home, but until he realises he is massively in the wrong then he can stay back with his parents.

So as not to drip feed a couple of things. My mums 60th was not only a big birthday anyway but the first birthday since my DF passed away in December. Her 60th was the date he wanted to fight to (cancer) but sadly didn't make it.

I also had a conversation with husband before we set off in the morning to ask him to be supportive of me on the day, as for some reason that I can't put my finger on, I sometimes feel quie self conscious around my nieces and nephews. They are lovely and I am usually an incredibly confident person socially so don't understand it but I had talked it through with him that morning.

So I am prepared to hear that I am over-reacting but I can't help but feel humiliated and disrespected and happy to have a bit of time to myself.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 05/08/2012 18:33

YANBU. What a totally horrible thing to do. And so not funny. I'd be dreaming up a revenge or saying I wanted a bribe to forgive him. Like a present from Tifanny's or something. (Not that I've ever had one of these!) Is he remorseful yet?

pigletmania · 05/08/2012 18:34

Yanbu what a knob end. Leave the twat. Not only did he play a horribal prank on you but left you there to sort everything out so he was alright jack

ImperialBlether · 05/08/2012 18:35

He's really awful. I'd tell him to stay with his parents for good. I wouldn't want to live with someone like that.

God, just thinking about him makes my blood boil.

JudgeJodie · 05/08/2012 18:35

No he doesn't usually do anything like this, totally out of character. I have told him he needs to apologise to my mum.
There was alcohol on the day and I had had a couple (not much of a drinker so happy to stay sober). We are under a bit of pressure with regards to a tenant situation, but since I am dealing with all the legalities etc I don't think that excuses him either.
I think he will eventually apologise. He is a really good husband and dad. Works hard, shares the housework etc so the shock of him doing this is, well, shocking.
In 13 yars together I have sent him away to his mums maybe twice. We don't really argue. We bicker sometimes but one of us will make the other laugh and then it is done with. I feel like making him suffer for this though😠 and I k ow that is not really the grown up way of dealing with it.

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 05/08/2012 18:36

Leave the bastard!

BlueMoonFergie · 05/08/2012 18:37

Fucking hell, what a dick. I would be absolutely fuming if anyone did this to me, never mind DH. I dont even like being splashed in the swimming pool. God I am so annoyed on your behalf OP.

JudgeJodie · 05/08/2012 18:38

Is it bad that I feel better for a) not getting flamed on mumsnet and b) I got a Leave the bastard!

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 05/08/2012 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dorset04 · 05/08/2012 18:40

How horrible for you. Sounds like my (d)h who is in doghouse at moment. Although what happened to you was worse.

TheBirderer · 05/08/2012 18:40

I think when he apologises you should make sure it's because he recognises what he did was wrong and upset your mum, your children and especially you...not because he wants to come home and forget it happened.

I hope your mum tells him just how upset you were.

3littlefrogs · 05/08/2012 18:40

Cruel, nasty, irresponsible, immature, insensitive, thoughtless, disloyal........need I go on? Sad

So sorry that you are married to this excuse for a husband.

Inertia · 05/08/2012 18:40

Your husband has been an utter prick. You shouldn't feel humiliated, you should feel bloody angry. Even the water tipping would be totally unacceptable, but that coupled with abandoning you and upset DCs to walk home soaking wet, and it being such a significant event while you are still grieving - well, words fail me.

He didn't need to go home to use the loo - he went because he realised that he couldn't front up to what he'd done. So not just a twat, but a callous, cowardly, spiteful twat who would rather dump his wife and crying children than face up to the consequences of his actions.

It'd be a long, apologetic road back if he were my husband. He owes your mother a very big apology as well.

VicarGoingForGoldInKungFu · 05/08/2012 18:41

YANBU.

if that had been my Dh he would have been wearing his prize assets around his fucking neck.....

i would leave him to stew at his parents until he gives you the apology you absolutely deserve.
dont back down - he is very much in the wrong here. Stupid, childish, thoughtless, selfish, idiot.

i would have been livid. absolutely livid. Whats worse is that he cannot admit what he did and then legged it leaving you to get home alone.....

i would be so angry.

I would not back down on this. He needs to understand how you feel about what he did.

LemonOCOGTurd · 05/08/2012 18:41

He showed a complete lack of respect for you.

I'm not going as far as saying 'leave him' but I think you have to make crystal clear to him what he did was totally unacceptable.

pigletmania · 05/08/2012 18:41

sorry to say op you have married a prize wanker

GoranisGod · 05/08/2012 18:42

You mention alcohol was involved?-I hope your dh wasnt drinking as he drove home....

JudgeJodie · 05/08/2012 18:42

When I say we make each other laugh after bickering that is just over silly things like, I didn't stack the dishwasher how he likes it or he walked on my wet floor with mucky feet. Silly stuff that doesn't matter. We don't really have any issues between us to discuss.

OP posts:
Willowisp · 05/08/2012 18:43

What a knob Angry

urgh.....I can't even begin to offer any advice, but feel like giving you a massive cuddle.

Dprince · 05/08/2012 18:44

I would be livid. Completely livid.
I don't get the 'stay at your parents untill you apologise' though. Its like sending a child to their room. If you are considering leaving the bastard, fair enough. But this seems a but childish. But I can see why you wouldn't want to see his face at the moment.

Willowisp · 05/08/2012 18:44

on its way

jubilee10 · 05/08/2012 18:44

I don't think I could forgive this. Not just the soaking but the lack of support and abandoning you to walk home, wet, with the children. I would be going for long term space.

JudgeJodie · 05/08/2012 18:44

Walking distance to get home, he didnt drive. He would never do that.

OP posts:
CalamityJones · 05/08/2012 18:44

Your husband is a complete prick.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 05/08/2012 18:44

You are not over-reacting. What a humiliating thing to do to someone you love. And then not to apologise!

Childish in the extreme.

I agree that you need to start talking properly and not bickering and making each other laugh. We used to rely on this method or managing arguments and frustrations but I think it leaves the door wide open for real problems not to get addressed before they blow up.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 05/08/2012 18:45

method of managing arguments

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