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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feel humiliated long one sorry

176 replies

JudgeJodie · 05/08/2012 18:18

So we were at my mums 60th birthday party yesterday, in the garden, bit of music nice food etc. my sister and her (grown up) children were visiting from 300 miles away. As the day went on my sister and I were singing and dancing with the little children having a ball.

My husband keeps shouting me over to where he is in the gazebo. I was happily dancing but on the third time of him shouting, I went to see what he wanted. He was smirking and as I walked over my nephew (25!) tipped the entire afternoons rain from the gazebo roof on top of me in front of all my friends and family. My husband had planned it with him. Now I am 35 and my husband is forty so not little kids.

I feel completely humiliated that my husband would do that to me. I am annoyed at my nephew as well but tbh I see him once in a blue moon and he doesn't really know me to know I would not find it funny. So I go in the house and all I want to do at that point is go home and get changed into dry clothes. I was SOAKED. where is husband?

Well after doing that, rather than apologise he has taken the only set of keys we had with us and gone home on his own. Left me to sort the kids out who were upest that mum was upset. So now I can't even just go home, I have to scrabble around soaking wet in front of everyone Getting DC together.

When I get home (long wet walk with two sobbing DC) he is i front of the tv watching Olympics with the excuse that he was only shouting me over to say he had to "go home and have a poo, the type of poo you can't have in someone else's house". I know that it was planned because my nephew had the decency to be mortified, apologise and admit what they had planned. I feel he should have been man enough to say no I won't do that to my wife, she is a grown woman and it will not go down well.

I called his Dad to come and pick him up so that we could all have some space, only today he is still insisting he did nothing wrong. I have said when he is ready to apologise he can come home, but until he realises he is massively in the wrong then he can stay back with his parents.

So as not to drip feed a couple of things. My mums 60th was not only a big birthday anyway but the first birthday since my DF passed away in December. Her 60th was the date he wanted to fight to (cancer) but sadly didn't make it.

I also had a conversation with husband before we set off in the morning to ask him to be supportive of me on the day, as for some reason that I can't put my finger on, I sometimes feel quie self conscious around my nieces and nephews. They are lovely and I am usually an incredibly confident person socially so don't understand it but I had talked it through with him that morning.

So I am prepared to hear that I am over-reacting but I can't help but feel humiliated and disrespected and happy to have a bit of time to myself.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 05/08/2012 18:45

He is NOT a good dad!

What did he do today?

Humiliated their mother in public and after she had specifically asked for his support

Ruined the day for their grandmother

Upset the children because their mum was upset

Made the children walk home because he'd taken the car

He is a RUBBISH father and an AWFUL husband.

For god's sake, OP!

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 05/08/2012 18:46

It is very bad

DontmindifIdo · 05/08/2012 18:47

So he was sober enough to drive. He realised his prank had backfired and ran away rather than stay and say sorry and he wasn't apologetic when you came home after having to lug the DCs home soaking wet? Oh what an arse.

pigletmania · 05/08/2012 18:48

you do have issues to discuss op, this one! How he treated you with utter disrespect, and disregard, selfish cowardly. yes you do have to have a good sit down, and basically tell him what for

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 05/08/2012 18:48

I think practical jokes are very cruel. I have to admit that I find people who do them to be quite low in my estimation.

HaggisMcNeeps · 05/08/2012 18:50

Don't get mad, get even!

pigletmania · 05/08/2012 18:51

because underneath that prank basically was an act of pure selfishness and no thought for his grieving wife, only himself, too cowedly to stand up t what he had done, instead ran off with the car leaving you soaking to sort out the dcs and get home. yes a very loving husband and father indeed Hmm

BMW6 · 05/08/2012 18:51

This isn't the behaviour of a person who has played a prank that has not gone down well. His actions show malice, spite and plain nastiness towards you and breathtaking callousness to his children.
I cannot find any way to downplay his actions. He is an utter bastard who should take a long walk off a short pier asap.
Apart from knocking his block off (not in front of the children) I can't see how you can work out your justifed fury with the appalling little shit.

ilovesooty · 05/08/2012 18:51

He behaved really badly so YANBU. However, you know if this is out of character so "leave the bastard" seems rather premature to me. He owes you, your mum and children a massive apology though.

Chandon · 05/08/2012 18:52

Wow he sounds awful, going to far with a joke, fine imo.

But then you need to apologise and make amends! Not bugger off and explain you had to do an epic poo ( he respects his poo more than he does you! )

ivykaty44 · 05/08/2012 18:53

That was a cruel way to behave, how awful to make a spouse feel so bad at a family gathering and then refuse point blank to say sorry.

of course he knows he was in the wrong, he knows what he did was cruel he juts isn't man enough to admit his awful behaviour was so wrong.

I would stick to your guns and keep him away until he can say sorry - and if that isn't soon then seek advise on how to get him out of your life.

LindyHemming · 05/08/2012 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sancerreity · 05/08/2012 18:54

Poor you, what a horrible thing to happen!Your husband is an idiot, and you are quite right to be mad at him BUT i do think it is entirley possible that he misjudged the situation and how you would react, rather than setting out to humiliate you or be unkind.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 05/08/2012 18:59

I am absolutely open mouthed at this!! What ever possessed him to think that it was a good idea. He must of known that it would bring the party to an end for not just you but the rest of the guests.

It was a big party for your family that had HUGE significance and would of took alot of time, planning and effort for lots of people to be there - and for him to do that . . . . . .

I actually can not give you any advice as I am in so much shock that someone would do that and ruin it for everyone.

What did the rest of the guests do when it happened?

HesterBurnitall · 05/08/2012 18:59

Why do you think he did such a stupid, mean thing? The way the story unfolds in your OP makes me think that there was something about seeing you dancing and singing with your sister that set him off, as though it's a punishment for being happy and independent.

I'd be furious and hurt and wanting some time apart in your shoes.

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 05/08/2012 19:01

What a cunt.
If my OH ever embarassed me like that, he's wake up with a fuck off big tarantula on his face the next morning.

pigletmania · 05/08/2012 19:02

iif i were in your shoes he would be going back to his mum for good

JudgeJodie · 05/08/2012 19:02

Thanks sancerreity , I do think that it would be difficult to end an otherwise great marriage over "bucket of water poogate" but as another poster said I don't know how I can get past this. Very confusing Confused.
Glad to know that I am not unreasonable to think it is more
About the undertones of the situation than the actual act.

OP posts:
Schlock · 05/08/2012 19:04

Interesting punishment Queenof Grin

pigletmania · 05/08/2012 19:05

its not the bucket of water op, but what came out in his personality after that. He put his comfort and well being above you and your dcs speaks volumes. it does not seem like he cares one jot, has he apologised, if not why not. i would be seeking one right away

RandomMess · 05/08/2012 19:05

His like of remorse alone is just shocking.

Doing anything like this after you had spoken to him about being supportive makes his behaviour just nasty tbh.

Sad
Wowserz129 · 05/08/2012 19:06

What an idiot! That is a vile and nasty thing to do to your wife!

I think he needs a reality check. How disrespectful!

JudgeJodie · 05/08/2012 19:07

I don't think he had a problem with me being with my sister. I think he was showing off to younger lads and made a dick of himself as a result. Then didn't deal with the aftermath very well at all. Then didn't deal with the next day fallout very well.
He really isn't usually such a nobber

OP posts:
pigletmania · 05/08/2012 19:07

the bucket of water was something, he could have apologised there and then, helped you find some clean clothes and towels for you, taken you home ran you a bath, and made you a nice hot brew, instead he buggars home in the car, whilst you have to walk home wet and uncomfortable, with dcs who are also upset, whilst he is ok jack, as i said that doeos not sound like an act of a loving husband. you will need to have a serious talk

pigletmania · 05/08/2012 19:08

so he is a coward not a man

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