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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feel humiliated long one sorry

176 replies

JudgeJodie · 05/08/2012 18:18

So we were at my mums 60th birthday party yesterday, in the garden, bit of music nice food etc. my sister and her (grown up) children were visiting from 300 miles away. As the day went on my sister and I were singing and dancing with the little children having a ball.

My husband keeps shouting me over to where he is in the gazebo. I was happily dancing but on the third time of him shouting, I went to see what he wanted. He was smirking and as I walked over my nephew (25!) tipped the entire afternoons rain from the gazebo roof on top of me in front of all my friends and family. My husband had planned it with him. Now I am 35 and my husband is forty so not little kids.

I feel completely humiliated that my husband would do that to me. I am annoyed at my nephew as well but tbh I see him once in a blue moon and he doesn't really know me to know I would not find it funny. So I go in the house and all I want to do at that point is go home and get changed into dry clothes. I was SOAKED. where is husband?

Well after doing that, rather than apologise he has taken the only set of keys we had with us and gone home on his own. Left me to sort the kids out who were upest that mum was upset. So now I can't even just go home, I have to scrabble around soaking wet in front of everyone Getting DC together.

When I get home (long wet walk with two sobbing DC) he is i front of the tv watching Olympics with the excuse that he was only shouting me over to say he had to "go home and have a poo, the type of poo you can't have in someone else's house". I know that it was planned because my nephew had the decency to be mortified, apologise and admit what they had planned. I feel he should have been man enough to say no I won't do that to my wife, she is a grown woman and it will not go down well.

I called his Dad to come and pick him up so that we could all have some space, only today he is still insisting he did nothing wrong. I have said when he is ready to apologise he can come home, but until he realises he is massively in the wrong then he can stay back with his parents.

So as not to drip feed a couple of things. My mums 60th was not only a big birthday anyway but the first birthday since my DF passed away in December. Her 60th was the date he wanted to fight to (cancer) but sadly didn't make it.

I also had a conversation with husband before we set off in the morning to ask him to be supportive of me on the day, as for some reason that I can't put my finger on, I sometimes feel quie self conscious around my nieces and nephews. They are lovely and I am usually an incredibly confident person socially so don't understand it but I had talked it through with him that morning.

So I am prepared to hear that I am over-reacting but I can't help but feel humiliated and disrespected and happy to have a bit of time to myself.

OP posts:
Longdistance · 06/08/2012 03:59

Sorry, but I think your dh is a complete knobjockey, and should permanantly stay away.

If my dh did that to me, he'd get his marching orders quick sharp, with no return.

Really feel for you, and yanbu. He was insensitive, and vile towards you. I hope you have a good nights sleep, and you can make some decisions during the day.

tryingtonotfeckup · 06/08/2012 09:06

I feel for you, it was a difficult day and then someone who was supposed to support you, did this to you. But you were way ahead of me and on the chocolate.

It was a really stupid thing to do, maybe wine, seeing your nephews and nieces had something to do with it and it was a one off stupid event, however he had a number of opportunities to say sorry to you and sort it out, especially as he has seen how upset you have been;

  • straight away after soaking you, he should have stayed, helped you to get dry and help with the kids (I think its awful that the kids were upset by this, prize twunt for upsetting the kids)

  • when he got home he had 20 mins to think about it and apologize, instead he came up with a lame excuse

  • whilst waiting for his Dad and the night at his parents

  • all day yesterday and the night

I really don't understand why it has gone on this long. DH and I can row at times, the ill feeling usually doesn't last longer than a day, we discuss it and sort it out. Does he really think what he did wasn't that bad, TBH even if he does think that, why not swallow your pride, see it from your wifes point of view and sort it out. I would want some answers to these questions. Get yourself out and do something lovely as a treat, don't sit in moping.

Badvoc · 06/08/2012 09:12

He sounds awful!
You poor thing!
How very cruel and infantile.
yanbu

bringbacksideburns · 07/08/2012 12:11

Has he apologised to you yet?

And if not i'd be asking him what he would feel like if you had done that to him infront of lots of people when he was nicely dressed up and meeting relatives he'd not seen for years.

HipHopSkipJumpomous · 07/08/2012 12:24

hi JudgeJodie have you talked yet? has he apologised? has it 'got it'?
Hope you are OK!!!

Sallyingforth · 07/08/2012 12:32

Feel humiliated...

You have absolutely no reason to feel humiliated.

Hurt, angry, injured, disappointed, let down, yes. Humiliated, no.

MNsFavouriteManHater · 07/08/2012 12:43

I am finding it difficult to beieve that this was the first ever episode of such cruel and cuntish behaviour towards you

I couldn't stay married to such a man

You touched on some social anxiety that you have (only around your nieces and nephews ?). Do you often have to ask for his "support" for occasions where you will be socializing with friends/family ? That isn't normal in an equal and loving relationship, and you shouldn't have to "ask" for it at all.

I sense there is more to this, despite your insistence he is normally a wonderful person

diddl · 07/08/2012 12:51

I´d also seriously consider chucking him out permanently.

It sounds extreme, but I´d be thinking that I didn´t know him if he did such a thing-he didn´t know me if he thought I´d be at all amused.

He didn´t think much of me to by trying to get others to laugh at me.

He didn´t think much of my mum either.

Does he regularly have to leave places to poo at home?Hmm

JudgeJodie · 07/08/2012 17:52

He is a builder and eats drinks and poos in places you would not believe! He has a misplaced sense of respect for my mum by not doing it there as he said he had a really dicky tummy Confused
He is coming round tonight to talk things over, I don't want to finish things but I do worry that I still can't see how he can ever in-do what he has done.
Thanks for checking back in everyone Thanks

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 07/08/2012 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CeliaFate · 07/08/2012 18:13

I can't imagine any circumstance that would make my dh think it would be a good idea to play a mean, disrespectful prank on me.

I couldn't get past the idea that the thought of humiliating me and laughing at me, in front of my friends and family,was a good one.

Sallyingforth · 07/08/2012 18:14

Everyone makes silly mistakes, but hopefully we realise and apologise.
What gets me is that he doesn't seem to understand how cruel he has been.

Pixieonthemoor · 07/08/2012 18:14

heavens above! What an utter jerk!! I have nothing to add really other than I am thinking of you and hope he comes grovelling on his stomach and kissing your feet. Oh, and you are TOTALLY NBU. Thanks

SoleSource · 07/08/2012 18:17

Yanbu he has zero respect.

Noqontrol · 07/08/2012 18:17

Vile behaviour. What a twat.

SoleSource · 07/08/2012 18:19

What was your reaction, did you shout and that is why he went home so fast.

ConferencePear · 07/08/2012 18:55

The poo excuse is pathetic. If true, why didn't he just come over and tell you quietly rather than expecting you to stop dancing and go to him ?

Malificence · 07/08/2012 18:59

If my husband had done this to me, he would no longer be my husband, it's unforgivable, made even more so by his going home alone.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 07/08/2012 18:59

I would also be having serious thoughts about whether I wanted to stay with someone who could do this, run away, not apologise and all on a very emotional day for you and your Mum.

If JJs 'd' H does read this thread, What the All Fuck?????!!!!!! You twunt.

CockyPants · 07/08/2012 19:01

Your husband is an immature selfish unfunny boorish ignorant cunt. Not just in upsetting you, but your DC too, and then telling a lame lie about needing a shit?? The only shit in this story is HIM. He has no respect for you or your family.
Perhaps he should reflect on this, if his 2 remaining brain cells are capable enough.
DICKHEAD TWUNT.

Leverette · 07/08/2012 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheProvincialLady · 07/08/2012 20:33

Needing an urgent poo (due to dicky stomach) that he couldn't have in your mum's house 'out of respect for her' is proven to be a complete lie because if he had had a dicky stomach of that magnitutude, he wouldn't have been in the frame of mind to carry out his pathetic little prank. And if he had any respect for your mum, he wouldn't have chosen her 60th birthday party just after her husband has died to cause an upsetting and embarrassing scene.

It's a lie. It's an excuse for having walked out and left you all because his what - embarrassment? anger - at finding himself in an awkward position trumped any decency or care for you or your children.

If you let him come home, you definitely need relationship counselling.

CockyPants · 07/08/2012 20:58

Grin Leverette!

diddl · 07/08/2012 21:03

If he had such a "dicky tummy"-how did he even make it home?

oooohhhhyes · 07/08/2012 21:26

wow, so shocked and livid on your behalf! Seriously, YANBU, this is very shocking, what with the context as well. What ProvincialLady said about counselling as condition of being allowed back with you. Or is this a moment of truth for you?

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