What would be your DCs current AIBU post

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Mini Safari (DD 6 months): AIBU to want to play and chat with DM and use her as a climbing frame whil still attached to her nipple from 3-6am. She seems to think I should sleep at night O_o.
Then at 7:30am while she was yawning over her coffee, and I was coverd head to toe in yog and doing my best Chewbacca impression she didn't even think it was slightly funny when I threw a lump of half chewed yog coverd banana in her face.
Then she tried to give me a bath to clean off said yog and calm me down, I have no idea why, I was perfectly happy to spend the day coverd in my breakfast. I then did an epic poomagedon in the bath, and was most proud with my copious achievement. Then she even shouted at the dog who bundled it's way through the door to try and clean me up as I made my escape from miserable DM across the bathroom floor still coverd in watery poo and yog while she ran a fresh bath and mumbled something aboud DF still being in bed after sleeping the whoel night through.
Now I'm napping peacefully on her tummy and she really needs a wee but if she puts me down or removes her nipple from my mouth, I will of course wake up and be in a shocking mood for the rest of the day.
INU am I, to think there's just no reason she can't function any better than a miserable zombi?

AIBU to want a real lighter to attach to my Firemaker(TM)? I totally invented this amazing Firemaker (TM) out of bottletops, pegs, (quite a lot of) sellotape and a toilet roll tube. And I really think it's a great invention - it makes BBQ fire and a house fire (if you want one). But DADDY and MUMMY won't let me attach the real thing that makes flames, they say it's a bit dangerous for a 4 year old. Really!!
I mean, fgs. Since I saw Daddy lighting my birthday cake with the lighter I've been thinking about this fire-thing... and what's the point of a firemaker(TM) that doesn't have real fire?!

I can be very careful, and have my fireman outfit, fire engine tent and hose ready too. And I reckon I am on, like, first-name terms with Fireman Sam anyway so what's the problem?

AIBU to scream hysterically when DM stops me diving off sofa? I mean she has just been applauding wildly and saying 'OMG that is amaaaazing' when the people on the telly do it.

AIBU to wake up at 3am and shout 'Mummy mummy' like I am being attacked then when DM sprints into room saying 'What what what?' tell her - quite calmly and reasonably - 'I want a cuggle'.

AIBU to beg tearfully like starving deprived toddler for bananas in supermarket then refuse even to look at them when we get home?

AIBU to rely on total toddler sticky-handed cuggliness and adorability to get me out of all of the above?

AIBU to want to wear these shoes, no, not those ones, this one, no, not that one, this one, no, no no no no no no !

now I need to lie on the floor and pound it with my fists and feet for a while.

AIBU to want both and neither of any/all options presented to me, and change my mind constantly?

In short, AIBU to be 2?

at Adair, and all the teen ones.

DS (4 months)

AIBU to think mum should let me lick her glasses?

AIBU to refuse to go to bed, to sit in my cot and throw my dummy out countless times whilst saying 'uh-oh' as if it is an accident, and then cry from the playpen I have been dumped in (because I scream when left in the bedroom alone) when Mummy and Daddy finally sit down to dinner at 9.30 in the evening.

AIBU to squirm about, laughing, when Daddy tries to change my nappy in the morning, and yell for Mummy.

AIBU when Daddy has given me to Mummy to slap her in the face hard and laugh. She didn't give me my milk the nanosecond I reached her.

AIBU to call Mummy and - laughing merrily - explain (with actions) exactly how I annoyed Daddy by refusing to let him change my nappy?

Ds2 (3)

AIBU to be the only child to get stuck in the soft play equipment so that the staff consider calling the fire brigade, when no one has managed to get stuck before ever.

Mummy knows I'm an adventurer so I don't know why she was so upset!

AIBU (I know I am not) to agree to buy a car off a close mate on facebook who I haven't met but says it's a really good car and then ask really nicely by text when I can have the £4k for insurance - I mean - I need to be prepared for when I actually think about applying for a provisional license and take some lessons - yeah - I know I spent the birthday money that was meant to be for lessons BUT YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

AIBU to smack my mum repeatedly in the face, fish hook her mouth with my finger and poke her in the eye? Obviously it's because everything is just so exciting at the moment I just can't control my limbs. But she keeps yelping and saying 'NO' in what I think she thinks is a firm tone? I don't get it.

AIBU to stay out every night shagging my BF who lives up the road and just coming home for a shit and a shower? cos I can't possibly poo at his house even though we probably do bumsex
After all, I'm 17, so totally grown up and independant.

DC1 (5 years) - AIBU not to want to share a room with my annoying baby sister when daddy has a WHOLE ROOM all for his rubbish studio (Also my AIBU)

DC2 (11 months) AIBU not to want to sleep in my own ginormous cot when mummy has a lovely warm bed that she could share if she only chucked daddy out onto the sofa...

AIBU to arrange a multi-car insurance policy and persuade Mum and SD to go on it so the insurance for my fancy new flash car goes down a bit, but more importantly, the direct debit comes out of their account so I don't have to pay any of the £1400 up front because I bought my GF an expensive cat for her birthday even though her mum says she can't keep it at her house.
AI really BU to persuade my poor old Dad who is crap at looking after animals to have it at his house where I only stay at the weekend because Mum said no and her mum said no.

DD's 2 & 4: AWBU to want to wear only 1% of the available clothing in our wardrobes, such that DM has to wash things every other day in order for us not to weep and wail half the morning refusing to get dressed...?

AIBU to want to go the park 'just for a little bit' on the way home from Nanas house even tho Mum has been working all day and has to make tea and do a multitude of other things. well FGS she really should be able to manage

AIBU to give my horrible dinner to the dog when my mum is not looking,

AIBU unreasonable to demand a lovely yoghurt because I did not like the shepherds pie she made. The dog loved it, it wasn't wasted.

AIBU to ask my Mummy whilst she is busy driving what EVERY road sign says on EVERY journey we go on?
AIBU to ask Mummy what every warning sign says on everything we pass (including tiny warnings on the side of cleaning products in Tesco)?
AIBU in wanting to go swimming every night after nursery (even when Mummy and Daddy have explained the reasons why this isn't possible to me a billion times) and then throwing a shit fit when Daddy says we aren't going swimming until Thursday?
4 year old DS, he's a pain in the arse treasure

(I love these btw)

(dd, 6) AIBU to expect that woman, who calls herself my mother, to understand that when I say 'I hate you, I hate you mummy. Go away. Good night and good riddance.' I actually mean, 'please give me a cuddle and tell me a story'.
She got it eventually, the thick cow, and came upstairs to do what I said. I mean, meant.
she always goes on (and on) about how I was grown in her or something like that, so how come she doesnt know what I really mean?!

DS, 15 months - was I being unreasonable to scream for 5 minutes during lunch today? On my plate there was some ham. On Mummy's plate there was some ham. I wanted to eat Mummy's ham as it looked much nicer than mine. Selfish woman wouldn't share and just kept saying "it's exactly the same!". I can tell when I'm being conned. I bet hers was naice ham and mine was just the cheap stuff. Cow.

Jolly

AIBU to pester DM for a kitten every 5 minutes?

How about my hens as opposed to my children? Are we being unreasonable to dig under our fence and run out into the fox-riddled countryside, or to take snacks form roadkill, or to do a giant poorama as soon as you lift us up? we know we are very reasonable. and the dog: AIBU to want three breakfasts and four lunches, while rejecting dinner unless it's the cats' dinner? AIBU to want to eat cake and sausages? Cats: AWBU to bring in dead or half-dead birds and mice, and lay them out by the bedroom door so you step on them while barefoot on the way to the shower?

Cat - AIBU to pee all over a bed so that I ruin both the mattress and the duvet? It is just that I don't like that cat at the end of the street coming into the kitchen through my flap. I need to pee on the beds to make sure it doesn't think about coming up here as well.
Chickens - AWBU to expect to be kept much longer even though we have stopped laying, we poo all over the garden and we pecked an injured magpie to death? I mean, we have no respect for other living creatures - its natural isn't it?

DS 6 - Am I being unreasonable to expect my mum to let me use her ipad even though I pick my nose with the finger I use on the screen? A boy has to pick his nose and play Minecraft at the same time for goodness sake. She is just such a hygiene freak I think she has OCD.

AIBU to attach myself to my DM like a limpet even though I am 10 and she is trying to pack/move house/learn to drive all in one go, single handedly??

AIBU to update my DM throughout the day with a constant running commentary??

AIBU to try and help my DM by pointing out how I think she could improve her packing/moving/driving skills??