What would be your DCs current AIBU post

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Mini Safari (DD 6 months): AIBU to want to play and chat with DM and use her as a climbing frame whil still attached to her nipple from 3-6am. She seems to think I should sleep at night O_o.
Then at 7:30am while she was yawning over her coffee, and I was coverd head to toe in yog and doing my best Chewbacca impression she didn't even think it was slightly funny when I threw a lump of half chewed yog coverd banana in her face.
Then she tried to give me a bath to clean off said yog and calm me down, I have no idea why, I was perfectly happy to spend the day coverd in my breakfast. I then did an epic poomagedon in the bath, and was most proud with my copious achievement. Then she even shouted at the dog who bundled it's way through the door to try and clean me up as I made my escape from miserable DM across the bathroom floor still coverd in watery poo and yog while she ran a fresh bath and mumbled something aboud DF still being in bed after sleeping the whoel night through.
Now I'm napping peacefully on her tummy and she really needs a wee but if she puts me down or removes her nipple from my mouth, I will of course wake up and be in a shocking mood for the rest of the day.
INU am I, to think there's just no reason she can't function any better than a miserable zombi?

AIBU to cry and hang on to mummy EVERY DAY when she drops me off at nursery? I love it when I'm there and get over it but I'd like her to stay with me forever instead.

AIBU at a mere 3 months old to cry because I'm tired and then fall asleep in mummy or daddy'd arms but screan when they carry me carefully up to the nursery and tuck me into my cot bed with kiss on the head.

furthermore AIBU if I decide that I want to play on the playgym with Oscar Octopus for a matter of seconds before wanting to be cuddled (nothing to do with my servants having a drink/something to eat)

AIBU to think that it's stupid this woman keeps putting socks on my hands when my neck is so itchy? and for that matter, why has she stopped the telephone talking to me???

DD1 (20 months): IANBU! About anything! Ever! I am the centre of the known universe so how could it be possible for me to be U??? And how dare anyone suggest otherwise!

AIBU - for expecting mummy to let me play in the front seat of her car at least once a day. All I want to do is tidy out that glove compartment thing and make sure all the buttons work. She is so unreasonable about it I have to have a tantrum everytime.

AIBU to cry as if my heart is breaking and bang head on table when mummy does not instantaneously magically produce breakfast as soon as I am downstairs? She says she has to get the milk out of the fridge. and find a clean bowl. If she had not been drinking last night she could have done this in advance of my arrival.

Now I think she is just lazy, but pleae tell me whether I am just picking the wrong battles?

ds2, ds3 and ds4 aged 10, 7 and 4, are we being un by running around and jumping upstairs like a herd of elephants, mum says we are making the ceiling shake and she thinks the light fittings will fall out! and that we should go outside if we want to run around.

she also says the bed is NOT a trampoline or a climbing frame and that if we want to jump and climb we should use the trampoline and climbing frame that we have in the garden.... they are boring!

dd am i bu to SCREAM blue murder every time mummy changes my nappy or dresses me, yes my nappy is so full of wee it is hanging down by my knees but i LIKE it that way!

ds1 and ds2 (12 and 10) are we being un to want to play on the xbox/pc/ds ALL day, we always fight when we do but mum says the noise is annoying and if we cant play without bickering then we wont be allowed on them at all

all four boys, are we bu that after making our bfast we always leave the kitchen a complete bombsite, cereal and milk still out, bowls on the dining rm table, cereal on the floor etc, mum says WE should tidy up after ourselves, she EVEN says we have to tidy our bedrooms, apparently its helpful to be able to see they floor sometimes, we prefer the room looks like the toy boxes have exploded look... but then moan when we cant find the tiny piece of lego that we MUST have RIGHT this VERY SECOND...

oh and dd (19mths) aibu to scream blue murder when mummy tries to clean me up after meal times, i LIKE being covered in yogurt, cheese, and various bits of chewed up sandwich, fruit etc, yes she insists on wiping my hands and face before i get down from the table! i just want to get out of my highchair right NOW, not wait until i am cleaned.

oh and from yesterday

ds2 aibu to wake up EVERYONE in the whole house at 6:30am by raking throught he lego box to find a VERY important piece of lego, dad said that if i wake up that early and everyone else is still asleep then i have to read quietly or creep downstairs and watch tv, he says its the holidays and some people want to sleep in a bit!

ds4 aibu to put my half eaten apples down the back of the sofa/behind the toybox, inside mums shoes etc, she says i should put them in the bin and she is sick of finding them going mouldy and revolting in the various places that i hide them.

AIBU to question every decision Mummy makes when driving? Why did she brake there, why did she stop there, why did she turn that way, why are we not moving, why are we going this way, why did she wave her fingers at the man in the white van, why did she mutter at the old lady driving slowly in front of us ...? And why can't I drive? I am 4, you know. I am a big boy.

I think it's good to keep her on her toes when driving, I'm just making sure she knows what she's doing cos she's not as young as she used to be, you know.

Dd1 Aibu to stay in my room applying eyeliner/listening to music and generally slobbing about all day it is the school holidays and the oldies are trying to make me go out with them and my younger siblings later for a bracing dog walk.

Dd2 Aibu to feel hacked off that I'm in an 11 plus tutor group during my school holidays and not want to go for a walk when Mum collects me in a bit?

Ds Aibu to want to play computer games all day and not walk to dogs?

Even though they'll all love going for a walk once we get there.

DD: Currently, my evil mother is preventing me from rolling on a balloon. She SAYS it's so that I don't hit my head on the wooden floor again. I realise that last time I did this, 2 hours ago it resulted in a lump the size of an egg and she is still watching me and twitching like a crazy person to see if I get concussion. What are the odds that that happening twice in one day?

DS and DD:
I think my mother is going mad. She says Aunty is coming to stay so she has to make the house nice. Every time she finishes hoovering and tidying a room, we helpful go and fill that room with nice toys and raisins and colouring pencils and anything from the cupboards that looks like fun, all stuff to make Aunty feel welcome. What does she do? Rant and rave and put all the fun things away! And she is deliberately using complicated adult words like sabotage, snob.

DP - I know DP specifically said, "Please leave the other car key because I need the second car seat and the pushchair." but it's not my fault I have selective hearing, it's the male condition and I think she should be more understanding. So, she's trapped in the house, unable to go out further than toddler walking distance when she needs all sorts of fancy ingredients to cook her favourite aunt dinner. What am I supposed to do about it from work?
(so I've broken the rules for that one, but I feel better getting it off my chest!)

AIBU to keep on interrupting DM even though she has asked for half hours peace to write some important emails.

AIBU to ALWAYS want her attention when she sits down to do stuff like that, even though i will happily ignore her otherwise

DS, aged almost 4: AIBU to want chips for breakfast, lunch and dinner and to stage a massive screaming protest every single time my horrid mum denies this basic human right!!!

migsyjr Yes I am a boy. I am 7yo and a growing lad. I don't see what her problem is really - it's not like I don't meals provided for me - I'd lick the plate if she'd let me! She is just BU not letting me eat as she's cooking.

DS3 (2yrs) AIBU to expect to be able to drive the car. I've been watching DM and DF doing it for the last year or so and it does not look that hard. AIBU to then scream as if being murdered when they strap me into my car seat - it is restraint and I'm sure against my human rights.

DS1 (14) AIBU to ignore the old witch when she says i need to wash. I had a wash last week a couple of days ago and might have even brushed my teeth so why the hell would i do it again. I have important screen time to use up, its only been 5 hours so far today

DS2 (12) OMG i am soo peng so AIBU to go out with every girl possible they all love me. oldie says i will annoy them all and have no one left but surely she must know i am THE man

DD (11) AIBU to shout and scream at the stupid cow ( mother) i bought a top, it doesn't fit, i tell you it doesn't bloody fit and i have lost the reciept so can't take it back. SHE says i can and get money on gift card, AS IF... I have lost reciept its the end of the world ARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH oh and MOTHER I AM BORED don't care if you are working entertain me

AIBU to hone my quite recently developed pincer grasp by hitting my mother so hard on the temples that she saw stars?

The silly woman picked me up without noticing that I had one of my elder brother?s toy cars in my hand ? surely it is her own fault for not checking?

I have to admit I lol?d like a sociopath at that funny screaming sound she made.

DD AIBU not to talk although I am nearly three? Mummy and Daddy get me anything I want if I scream and point, and talking is frankly overrated. Anyway, I can read and count so obviously will just go straight to texting when I need to communiate complex ideas.

DS AIBU to need to be cuddled by Mummy 24/7? And why on earth won't she let me help her sew, it's not like the serger is complicated or anything.

Ds1 (16) AIBU to tell my mum that if she tries to ground me if I'm late again I'll go to the police and tell them she's holding me against my will and as I'm 16 that's a crime?
She told me to crack on and the police would laugh so I trashed my room.

AIBU to pull the cat's tail until she cries?

AIBU to pull handfuls of my DM's hair out? It's second only to car fur.

Mine both have the same gripe with me recently.

Aibu to think that DM is selfish and should let me chew/smear copius amounts of her beloved make up all over myself/each other/the carpet.

AIBU to make my sister cry by repeatedly licking (yes, licking) her arm, even though I'm 7? DM seems to think I should have grown out of it by now, but I reckon I'll just carry on probably well into my twenties.

AIBU to cry at DM to change my nappy and then do a wee all over the changing mat just as she is about to put the new one on 3 times so far today?

AIBU to demand a feed straight after my nappy change and do a poo during the feed?

AIBU to then need another feed after that nappy change?

AIBU to think it's hilarious to shout "boobies" during a funeral?