What would be your DCs current AIBU post

[SafariError]

Mini Safari (DD 6 months): AIBU to want to play and chat with DM and use her as a climbing frame whil still attached to her nipple from 3-6am. She seems to think I should sleep at night O_o.
Then at 7:30am while she was yawning over her coffee, and I was coverd head to toe in yog and doing my best Chewbacca impression she didn't even think it was slightly funny when I threw a lump of half chewed yog coverd banana in her face.
Then she tried to give me a bath to clean off said yog and calm me down, I have no idea why, I was perfectly happy to spend the day coverd in my breakfast. I then did an epic poomagedon in the bath, and was most proud with my copious achievement. Then she even shouted at the dog who bundled it's way through the door to try and clean me up as I made my escape from miserable DM across the bathroom floor still coverd in watery poo and yog while she ran a fresh bath and mumbled something aboud DF still being in bed after sleeping the whoel night through.
Now I'm napping peacefully on her tummy and she really needs a wee but if she puts me down or removes her nipple from my mouth, I will of course wake up and be in a shocking mood for the rest of the day.
INU am I, to think there's just no reason she can't function any better than a miserable zombi?

Dd age2: aibu to poke my self in the eye, even though dm told me not to and that it would hurt. Then have a screaming fit and sore eye for about half an hour.
Am I also bu to jump off top of the stairs, kamikaze style and then fall entire flight, landing on quarry tiles and nearly breaking every bone in my body.
Finally am I being totally unreasonable by being a mermaid every bath time and getting my hair wet and then screaming the place down as if dm is removing toenails rather than just blow drying my hair!

Ds (2.9) - AIBU to about mummy to change my nappy each time I have weed over night? 5 nappies a night isn't a lot and she wouldn't sleep in wee! I wee on the toilet all day so what's the problem?

DS12 AIBU to just, like, ignore my mum when she says ridiculous things to her stupid friends like 'He's just shot up, hasn't he? Where's my little boy gone?' whilst ruffling my hair? GAH
DD6 AIBU to be completely irritated by the way my parents completely refuse to buy me every single 'my little pony', a Wii, redecorate my bedroom in pink and bring me things upstairs the minute I shout?

DS1 (23 week bump)

AIBU to headbutt mummy in the stomach and give her heartburn every time she deflates my football (bladder)?

:o

Dd "Aibu to think my mother is being unfair to say I don't need 5 new outfits for a week's work experience"

Ds "AIBU to think my mother is unfair for saying I can't have iced cake and coke for breakfast?"

Ds1 tobe (39+6): AIBU to remain exactly where I am until I want to make an appearance. DM seems to be particularly enjoying my 'extra special' kicks now I have the space to get the extra umph in strength behind my knees.

Ds1 (16) AIBU to go out all day, every day and only come in for dinner which I will then winge about?

Dd (8) AIBU to keep asking for a meal out even though my dgp took me abroad for 10 days and we ate out every day.

Ds2 (3) AIBU to only sleep about 4 hrs a night in two stints because there is too much playing to be done and I don't have time to sleep. Oh, or eat either.

DD10weeks having her nap after breakfast feed: AIBU to of had this reaction to waking up and realising my hand has moved in my sleep? Mummy...mummy...MUMMY!! Where's my thumb? I've lost it? Oh my god where is it? Mummy I can't find it. It was in my mouth but it's gone! MUMMY! Please! I can't find it! My thumb, where's my thumb gone? Oh my god oh my god oh my god! I dont know what to do! Mummy mummy mummy MUUUMMMMMYYYY my th...slurp slurp nom nom nom zzzzzzz

AIBU to expect DM to look at everything I build on Minecraft and to praise me for my achievements. I have built a great house and a huge garden with water and gates and everything and she just seems so damned bored when I show it all to her. Don't you think she should show more interest in this game?

DD (6)'s would be "AIBU to have screamed at my DM?" - she only warned my 3 times in a five minute period to pick up the clothes I had scattered all over my bedroom floor, and told me that she would take toys away if I didn't, and then when she found that I had been lying on my bed instead of picking anything up, she had the unbelievable cheek to actually take away my huge basket of soft toys, leaving only the few dozen favourites which sleep in my bed.

I only screamed how mean and unfair she was for about half an hour. She seems to expect something to change before she gives them back .

DD2 - AIBU to want to print 2 million pictures of princesses off the computer, only my mum thinks it's a waste of paper and printer ink is expensive and told me to choose 3.

DD1 - AIBU to think I can speak to my mum like a piece of sh*t and then expect to be allowed to go to the park with my friends?

AIBU to watch the same film over and over since 4 this morning?

AIBU to think mum is talking utter crap when she says I cannot possibly be hungry every single second of the day? I mean I've only had a bowl of Rice Krispies, 2 apples, some grapes, a yoghurt and a piece of swiss roll since I got up at 8am. I posting this now in case I've passed out by the time she does lunch at 12.

Ds1 (almost 8) - AIBU to think that my mum should allow me to play rounders in the living room and AIBU to think that she over reacted when I knocked over the clothes horse with all the washing on?

Ds2 (2.4) - AIBU to have emptied my bowl of cheerios all over the floor because my mum wouldn't let me have a fab lolly for breakfast?

youarewinning
YANBU! Your DM sounds like a witch. Doesn't she understand you are a growing boy? You are a boy aren't you because I'm a boy and I eat incessantly too? My DM even has the cheek to remind me about the time I ate so much that I vomited all over her nice rug. She thinks that half an hour between meals is way too short. FGS

Oh, and DD1 - aibu to be rolling around on the floor, throwing a tantrum at nearly 11 years old because my mum won't peel a banana for me as she says I'm perfectly capable.

And to be offended because she told me to get up and stop being so utterly ridiculous.

Moominsarescary DC get thee to Nationwide Apprenticeship Scheme

DD14 : AIBU? I seem to attract mosquitos, which I can totally, like understand. I spend enough time making myself look peng for the boys so it obviously, like ,would follow that mozzies find me irresistable too.

I have complained bitterly to my Old that I am covered in mozzie bites and that she should do something IMMEDIATELY about it.

Her keep banging on about putting the mozzie spray on before I go out is ridiculous. How have I got time to do that when she knows that I have to put the 15th layer of mascara on and change my outfit AGAIN. All this making myself perfect is exhausting.

AND if she says one more effing time that I need to take responsibility for myself I swear I will be forced to slam doors and turn my music up full blast.

Why does the old bag not realise that it is my god given right to scratch the bites til they bleed and then expect her to cure them. FFS she shouldn't have had me if she can't be expected to cure a simple ailment like mozzie bites.

AIBU to use the sofa as a trampoline while watching MY TV (not silly old Olympics) and stuffing a whole bag of marshmallows in my mouth?

AIBU to expect my mum to look after my goalie gloves? I play footie outside yeah, and wen I cum in I toss em down sum were right. She sd pick em up and put em sum were safe right? I can never effing find em wen I want em. Wot does and 11 yr old do right? Stupid cow.

and then she has the cheek to shout at me wen I have a tantrum about my lost gloves.

DDs (8 & 6) AIBU to totally refuse to cut/brush my gorgeous hair because I like the messy look (especially for school).

And so what if I'm constantly scratching my head and have had nits FOUR times this year already? How can an itchy head possibly mean I have them again and why on earth should I let my mother check my hair, never mind treat/comb it?

poomageddon

Think I've just found a new term for what we currently call a 'hummmmdinger'!

AIBU to have 3rd helpngs of apple crumble, those apple pots that are meant for babies without the means to eat anything but purees, eat apple crisps by the handful, as the only acceptable component of a children's meal in a cafe, and yet regard pieces of cut apple, wherever they may be hidden, with utter horror?

AIBU to refuse to get dressed until lunchtime, and then to insist that my mum removes my pyjamas and then puts my clothes on without removing my lab coat? After all I am very busy and important. And then to refuse to tell her what I actually want for lunch?