AIBU to be pissed off at these comments from mil??

[GoranisGod]

It is dh birthday today. He very unusually has the day off so although we had made no concrete plans I thought we would probably do something with the kids.

Dh announces late last night that he is in fact going out for lunch with his parents. When I question whether or not we are invited he shrugs and says we can come if we like....

So I ask the kids what they want to do-2 want to go and 1 doesnt so I say I will make other plans with that dc.

When I return today eldest dc announces that gran has been making comments about me

When I question dh he says his mum is upset because she feels as if I am avoiding her and dont like her because we havent been down for dinner on a sunday the last couple of weeks-we were on holiday 1 of the weeks!!!!

So now I have had row with dh because 1)he didnt pull his mum up on her comments 2)blamed me for the fact we are not going down this sunday!-we are going out on saturday night and I know will be hungover plus she saw dh today!!

AIBU to be furious at mil for her frankly stupid comments-we have went there for dinner every sunday for 16 YEARS!! also aibu to be really hurt and upset that dh thinks I am BU because I am sick to fucking death of going EVERY BLOODY SUNDAY!!!!

Seriously...every Sunday?

Sounds suffocating.

This is why you should never start a routine. 16 years - that's mad!!! I woul us this as an opportunity to break it totally now.

Re the lunch: your DH sounds a bit of a twit - you were either invited or not, by not going your mil is even more put out, but this her lookout.

Just phone her and have it out with her.

I find it a bit odd that your DH would go to his parents for lunch on his birthday unless it was a whole family thing you'd all been invited to

Every Sunday??????????

Yep every sunday literally-honestly I could count on 2 hands the amount of times we have NOT gone down on a sunday.

But when I try and discuss it with dh he says he likes to see his parents-he really doesnt! sits and reads the paper or watches footie when we are there plus he NEVER phones then yet I get all the fucking flak!!

I am fuming that mil thinks its acceptable to say these things in front of my eldest and also that dh just sat there and let her......

This is what happens when you let habits develop that involve relations .
Keep them on their toes and never do the same thing two weeks running.
(DH and his DBro adopt this approach with their DMum - it seems to work but I feel a bit sorry for her).

oh - YANBU by the way

When I asked dh last night whether or not we were all invited he just sort of said um yeah...but what he had actually said was "btw I am going for lunch with my parents tomorrow"

I met up with a friend with coffee today and she was that dh would do this which made me feel well maybe I am not bu....

I'd use that as justification of never going for Sunday lunch there again. Pack the kids & DH off & spend Sunday how you want from now on. She's deeply hurt your feelings & clearly doesn't like you. You don't feel able to go to her house again..... Or that would be my stance in your shoes!

Bloody hell, want to borrow a pair of scissors to cut the apron strings for him?

He has been really unfair.

him - I'm going for lunch with my parents
you - Are we invited?
him - Come if you want (not really a yes, is it? or making you feel wanted!)
her - stomp sulk stomp she doesn't want to be with us
him -

No mention of you asking if the invite was for all of you and him being quite offhand about it.
No oy mother, don't bitch about my wife.
and to top it all, it's your fault about sunday.

do me a favour, lift up his top and just double check there's not a rope like thing coming out of his belly button and disappearing down the road...

YANBU

To the poster who suggested phoning her-I know this would start ww3 as she would play the victim and get bil involved-she has done it before and I end up looking like the bad guy.....

I am actually sat here in tears because I know dh will never back me up.

In the interest of not drip feeding-my dh sees my family a couple of times a year and is uninterested to the point of rudeness-literally just sits there with a face like thunder and ignores them....

Your problem is not your mother in law. Seriously, it's not.

To the poster who suggested I just send dh and dcs-I have done this a few times more recently but then I feel angry that I am giving up OUR time as a family for her!! dh works long hours mon-fri so weekends our are only family time and saturdays are mainly taken up by kids activities so why cant we have one day a week to ourselves?!

Again so as to not drip feed-she never babysits or offers to help out with kids although she did with bil and his dcs but I know that this is the next card that she is going to play that I am keeping her from her gcs....

So you've never been able to go on a day trip or see friends or hang out at home on a Sunday for 16 years?

hecate-yes I know that dh is the real problem.

To the other poster who said why havent I said something sooner-I have! numerous times but its only the last couple of months that I have really started putting my foot down-eg making other plans for a sunday and then telling dh NO this is what we are doing...

But its just bloody tiring trying to get dh on board....

mulberry-yep thats it in a nutshell-oh of course unless there was a footie match dh wanted to see Can you believe I used to be such a mug and would go myself and take the kids leaving him and his footie in peace at home[agnry]

I think your problem is your DH.

To even think about going to a birthday lunch without his wife and DC is awful.

sorry x posted.

HE needs a kick in the bollocks and to be packed off to his mothers until he sees the error of his ways

btw I am having lunch tomorrow announcement at the end of the evening would have been very poorly received chez catsmamma

man alive woman... 16 years of sunday lunches???? You have done your bit!

And dh needs to stand up to his parents and stop being rude to yours.

Sorry euphemia-I missed your post-dcs are 9,6 and 2. They have moaned about going every sunday too as there is nothing for them to do except sit in front of tv. Fil doesnt really like them going in the garden in case they make a mess and they are not allowed to leave toys there....

Didn't you post about this just before you holiday - you were packing and didn't go for lunch for the first time ever ? Was that you?

Should your MIL in have acted so childish and said 'she doesn't like me'. No, she shouldn't have. But heed the wise words of HecateHarshPants above - she is not the problem.

I assume you have wanted to go for lunch for the past 832 consecutive Sundays? Because I know I sure as hell wouldn't have!

You ANNBU to not want to go. YABU to have gone every Sunday. And yiu husband and MIL are...well, actually I have no idea. Surgically attched?