AIBU to be pissed off at these comments from mil??

[GoranisGod]

It is dh birthday today. He very unusually has the day off so although we had made no concrete plans I thought we would probably do something with the kids.

Dh announces late last night that he is in fact going out for lunch with his parents. When I question whether or not we are invited he shrugs and says we can come if we like....

So I ask the kids what they want to do-2 want to go and 1 doesnt so I say I will make other plans with that dc.

When I return today eldest dc announces that gran has been making comments about me

When I question dh he says his mum is upset because she feels as if I am avoiding her and dont like her because we havent been down for dinner on a sunday the last couple of weeks-we were on holiday 1 of the weeks!!!!

So now I have had row with dh because 1)he didnt pull his mum up on her comments 2)blamed me for the fact we are not going down this sunday!-we are going out on saturday night and I know will be hungover plus she saw dh today!!

AIBU to be furious at mil for her frankly stupid comments-we have went there for dinner every sunday for 16 YEARS!! also aibu to be really hurt and upset that dh thinks I am BU because I am sick to fucking death of going EVERY BLOODY SUNDAY!!!!

There was nothin confrontational about your message, it was very fair. Hope it goes well when you have the inevitable talk. Sorry your DH is being so disloyal too. :(

Well another update-finally got a reply to text this morning-

A precis of it-

Sorry didnt reply sooner I have had a bug. It just seems to me I every time you were due to come here you keep cancelling. I cant take the kids out yet as you know I struggle to walk with my stick so not able to look after them. c u.

So basically she has completely ignored me about the fact that we wont be coming down EVERY sunday. Also the bit about the stick is bollocks-she has only had it for the past 6 months so what was her excuse for not taking her gcs for the previous 5 years? also her stick hasnt stopped her enjoying her 7 week hokiday in a very hilly country or taking her other gcs out....

Am just going to detach now-dh can take kids if he likes and I will see inlaws on birthdays and holidays.

She is not going to make me feel like the bad person ever again....

You´re lucky that she ignored it imo-rather than lay on a huge guilt trip!
(I see she has laid on a little one!)

You´ve told her-she´s had the email-she can´t pretend she doesn´t know.

What did you want her to say?

She has put the blame on you, of course.

If she´s not interested in the children, don´t subject her to them!

It all sounds very 'woe is me' Goran, designed to make you feel sorry for her and forget about what you need and want. I think detaching is an excellent plan, any response to her text may just fuel things further. Well done for sorting this out!

All sounds good and sorted to me. Well done.

Thanks for the replies ladies. I was fuming at mil reply but have calmed down and see that you are all right. She is never going to change so it is up to me to change how I react to her....

"She is never going to change so it is up to me to change how I react to her.... "

Yes-don´t waste time dissecting what she says/does-it´s unlikely that she does!

I really feel for you goran but as everyone has said its the DH not neccasilry DMIl who is problem here.

its so off putting when DH is tied to DMIL still...

Again another thread from years ago, but another Issue of family life that keeps reappearing.. 😄 I am 44 now and been married for 14 years, but I have issues with my family now as well as his! But we used to do the same go over there fur Sunday lunch he would watch the football.. but that has improved, we don’t go regularly now and when we did his sister would there be too, but she has met someone now which is a bit bette and his argument is that he works long hours and also looks after the children, but he has thrown himself into exercise and it is my fault as well over the years in which I have to say I have been useless too.. and let him call the shots with his family and then I feel really guilty ☹️ Again that is with my parents too.. and we have been quite rude to them as well..

Amanlamp100 your post will probably get lost because posters will think this is a new thread and reply to the OP.

Start a new thread would be my advice.