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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off at these comments from mil??

161 replies

GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 17:24

It is dh birthday today. He very unusually has the day off so although we had made no concrete plans I thought we would probably do something with the kids.

Dh announces late last night that he is in fact going out for lunch with his parents. When I question whether or not we are invited he shrugs and says we can come if we like....

So I ask the kids what they want to do-2 want to go and 1 doesnt so I say I will make other plans with that dc.

When I return today eldest dc announces that gran has been making comments about meHmm

When I question dh he says his mum is upset because she feels as if I am avoiding her and dont like her because we havent been down for dinner on a sunday the last couple of weeks-we were on holiday 1 of the weeks!!!!Angry

So now I have had row with dh because 1)he didnt pull his mum up on her comments 2)blamed me for the fact we are not going down this sunday!-we are going out on saturday night and I know will be hungover plus she saw dh today!!

AIBU to be furious at mil for her frankly stupid comments-we have went there for dinner every sunday for 16 YEARS!! also aibu to be really hurt and upset that dh thinks I am BU because I am sick to fucking death of going EVERY BLOODY SUNDAY!!!!

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 03/08/2012 19:10

Ye gods, how can you bear to have sex with this spineless mummy's boy?

I feel really Sad for you tbh.

She is a manipulative cunt , he is a pathetic waste of space.

Original poster
GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 19:12

Quite honestly I dont think dh does enjoy going-he does get waited on hand and foot mind youHmm

But he sits there and watches footie or reads the paper and its up to me to try and make polite conversation and I find it fucking boring as hell!!

Dh was the type to use the "but I work hard all week" to abidicate doing anything with the kids over the weekend. But over the last couple of years I have nipped that in the bud....

OP posts:
Original poster
GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 19:14

enorma-I actually have a higher sex drive than dh but you are right I really havent been wanting to have sex with him as quite frankly I dont like him much at the moment!!

We are going out tomorrow night and I am dreading it-will either be akward silence,end up in a big row or end up with me in floods....

OP posts:
diddl · 03/08/2012 19:16

Is it the sort of lunch that takes all day & there´s no time to do anything before or after?

I read the papers on the few times we visit ILs-there´s nothing else to do.

Polite conversation is over after about half an hr.

lovebunny · 03/08/2012 19:21

leave him. he likes his parents more than he likes you.

IslaValargeone · 03/08/2012 19:21

You say you are too much of a coward, but you obviously know this is really not what a relationship should be like, or what you want.
I don't know how old you are,arguably that should be irrelevant, as it's never too late etc, it might be easier to get yourself together with older kids than a new mum with littlies starting over?
However, what I'm trying to say is that find the courage from somewhere, this is no life for you.

LineRunnerSpartanNaked · 03/08/2012 19:31

Anyway how is it 'his' house? He might obtusely choose to think that, but that's not the reality. It belongs to all of you.

Original poster
GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 19:32

isla-I have no money of my own and nowhere to go. For reasons that are too complicated to go into here I couldnt ask my family and I wouldnt dream of burdening my friends.

I know things need to change but tbh I have played my part in this being a shit marriage and I dont think I am ready to face up to that yet...

OP posts:
Inadeeptrance · 03/08/2012 19:35

Omfg why on earth are you with this man? Angry

His mother is the least of your problems, I think you need to stand up to them both.

Your 'd' h sounds like an entitled arse who considers you his personal servant and expects his needs to always come above yours.

It's NOT too late to tell him to stick his moods and fuck right off you know! You say you don't have the courage to leave, but is that worse than the thought of living the rest of your life with someone who treats you like crap?

You could be happy without him. Seriously.

Original poster
GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 19:35

linerunner-dh works and I am a sahm. Its is only his name on the mortgage. I know that he is talking shit when he says things like that but that is how he sees things.

I have told him that from things I have learned on here I would be entitled to some of the proceeds of house,maintenence for kids,half his pension ect if we were to split and his face did go a bitEnvy-sick looking. HA HA HA. I enjoyed that...

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 03/08/2012 19:41

Ok, so you don't feel you could just leave, but being a sahm or not having your name on the mortgage doesn't mean you are trapped, even if it feels that way.
Even admitting your part in the state of the marriage doesn't mean you have to stick with it.
Seriously, I would suggest doing some homework, seeing a solicitor to find out what practical steps to take, and then start facing up to things.
Unless of course you feel there is some way back from this and you can rebuild your relationship? I'm not getting that vibe though tbh.
There is life after a shit marriage, believe me.

Original poster
GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 19:58

Well the shit is probably about to hit the proverbial as I have just texted mil telling her that I am not happy with the comments she made and laying it on the line that we wont be going for dinner every sunday...

I am sure I will have either her or bil screaming down the phone shortly.....

OP posts:
beingagoodmumishard · 03/08/2012 20:01

good luck Wine

Familyguyfan · 03/08/2012 20:01

Good for you!

IslaValargeone · 03/08/2012 20:02

Well done you!

Just hang up, don't entertain anyone who shouts at you.

Original poster
GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 20:05

Well silence so far but dont think mil checks her phone that often so might be tomorrow but am sitting here shaking....ffs I am 36 years old!!

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 03/08/2012 20:06

Have some Wine

TeamGlaikitBritain · 03/08/2012 20:10

Well done goran.

Original poster
GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 20:10

Well I do have a bottle in fridge but am afraid that if I start drinking then I will lose it big time with dh!!

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 03/08/2012 20:12

At the risk of sounding like I wish to encourage a domestic ding-dong, maybe it's crunch time?

Original poster
GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 20:16

I havent told dh that I have contacted her as I know he will be furious and will think I am stirring uo trouble. I know he will be reallyAngry because I have said we will no longer be going there every sunday but I dont give a shit!!

Why cant they see that actually I have been a pretty good dil?! rather than the horrible bitch they are trying to make out I am....

OP posts:
HighJumpingHissy · 03/08/2012 20:17

Well done Goran!

Don't EVER let anyone speak to you with anything less than respect. If you get the crappy phone call, put the phone down, keep repeating the hang up until they are civil.

You have to train animals to behave sometimes.

Stick your guns. MN is behind you! Grin

Original poster
GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 20:20

I feel really sick nowSad This is not going to end well....

OP posts:
Badvoc · 03/08/2012 20:22

Your problem is your dh op, not your mil.
:(

azazello · 03/08/2012 20:22

You poor thing, it all sounds very miserable and not right. I would gently suggest that you think about booking a free hour with a solicitor to talk about what you would be entitled to if you did decide to leave. You could then make decisions about whether you are able to carry on with this as the children get older.

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