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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off at these comments from mil??

161 replies

GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 17:24

It is dh birthday today. He very unusually has the day off so although we had made no concrete plans I thought we would probably do something with the kids.

Dh announces late last night that he is in fact going out for lunch with his parents. When I question whether or not we are invited he shrugs and says we can come if we like....

So I ask the kids what they want to do-2 want to go and 1 doesnt so I say I will make other plans with that dc.

When I return today eldest dc announces that gran has been making comments about meHmm

When I question dh he says his mum is upset because she feels as if I am avoiding her and dont like her because we havent been down for dinner on a sunday the last couple of weeks-we were on holiday 1 of the weeks!!!!Angry

So now I have had row with dh because 1)he didnt pull his mum up on her comments 2)blamed me for the fact we are not going down this sunday!-we are going out on saturday night and I know will be hungover plus she saw dh today!!

AIBU to be furious at mil for her frankly stupid comments-we have went there for dinner every sunday for 16 YEARS!! also aibu to be really hurt and upset that dh thinks I am BU because I am sick to fucking death of going EVERY BLOODY SUNDAY!!!!

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 03/08/2012 17:51

Every Sunday for 16 years. You're a saint! You are so totally NNNNNNBU. In fact this is the most YANBU posts I've seen. It's going to be really hard to break this habit. But when I read your DH only sees your parents a couple of times a year that must be absolutely infuriating for you.

Say you'll match the times he sees you're parents visit by visit. One visit to yours by him one visit to his by you. But I know that kind of thing never works. And the birthday thing is so thoughtless of the lot of them.

phantomnamechanger · 03/08/2012 17:51

OMG ! YANBU!

the MIL should not have expected DH there on his bday when she sees him so often - that day should have been spent with you and the dc - he should of course have told her that. And what about her not inviting you all - I'm speachless!

OR she should have asked YOU if you all wanted to come to lunch for his birthday, then you could have been in on it and kept it as a surprise for him, or you could have said "no sorry the dc and i have planned X for dh's birthday, but we'll see you on sunday, so he'll have 2 birthdays"

DizzyKipper · 03/08/2012 17:51

Every Sunday, goodness - much as it's nice to see family does anyone seriously ever want to go that often? YANBU, your MIL was being ridiculous and a bit self-centred thinking it all had to be about her. I'd also be annoyed if my DH didn't put her straight.

Original poster
GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 17:51

Again sorry to drip feed bu more info-

Bil and sil NEVER go every sunday-dn are teenagers now and obviously prefer to do their own thing yet they seem to get away with it without all the emotional blackmail....

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MulberryMoon · 03/08/2012 17:54

Can you believe I used to be such a mug and would go myself and take the kids leaving him and his footie in peace at home Well you were being kind to your MIL is another way of looking at it, and instead of appreciating this she has bitched about you in front of your son when you dared to take the week off after your holiday. Glad my MIL lives a 13 hour flight away sometimes.

angeltattoo · 03/08/2012 17:54

Sorry I x-posted.

Just feel [sorry] for you.

What about with your newborns/labour/sickness/other holidays/Duvet days/Sunday sex/walks in the park/not getting dressed today Sundays? every Sunday

You deserve a medal OP!

Original poster
GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 17:55

Yes I did post just before we went on holiday because she had went in a huff when we didnt go down. She also sent dh a text on the sunday we were ON HOLIDAY asking why we werent there!! and no before anyone asks-she is definately not losing her memory-she is only 68!

I know the problem is dh-he conveniently blames it on me about us not going down because I know he doenst want to take the flak....

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BlisdergamesbeginPack · 03/08/2012 17:55

My goodness, every Sunday for 16 years! My mother told me that my father and her had this routine, the dreaded Sunday lunch at his parents, which she hated with all her soul but my father insisted on it. She very craftily got out of the whole thing when my eldest sibling was born and mum was tied down with the newborn. She used that excuse to never, ever go again. (For the weekly Sunday lunch that is, she goes for other occasions).

This isn't the 1960s anymore though so no need to use such underhand tactics. Just tell your DH that you've had enough.

angeltattoo · 03/08/2012 17:55

Oh FFS keep getting Thanks wrong today!

LindyHemming · 03/08/2012 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 17:57

angel-dont get me started on that!! inlaws turned up at hosp about 2 hours after I had 3rd dc even though I wanted myself husband and dcs to have a special time together...

Twice they have turned up at my house an hour after I got home after cs and I have had to wait on them hand and foot....

OP posts:
Catsmamma · 03/08/2012 17:57

you need to point out all these facts to your MIL

and ask her why it matters that you go and not the others

Bring up every inconsistency and call her on it

Original poster
GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 17:59

euphemia-that was the crux of our argument this evening!!

I screechedBlush that I have been a fucking saint for putting up with her shit for 16 years and that it needed to stop. Dh made a Hmmface and said I was not going to stop him seeing his parents...

Now he is sat downstairs thinking I am a bitch and I am sat up here in tears...

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BlisdergamesbeginPack · 03/08/2012 18:00

I agree with the person who said that it's not your MIL who's at fault here but your DH. Your BIL/SIL don't go because that son or daughter of hers has a backbone.

It's time for a talk with your DH, not your MIL.

Original poster
GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 18:02

Yes I know its dh who is the real problem but the thing is he has been let away with this shit for years and so feels he is entitled to coin a mn phrase!!

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LindyHemming · 03/08/2012 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NarkedRaspberry · 03/08/2012 18:03

Agree that he is the problem. She sounds difficult, but it's him who's set this weekly routine, not invited you to his birthday lunch and then sat there whilst she had a go at you. And sitting with 'a face like thunder' when he sees your family -twice a year - is really not on unless they're eg serial killers with awful table manners.

noelstudios · 03/08/2012 18:03

Yanbu - god, every Sunday....

PinkNose · 03/08/2012 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoreLithiumPlease · 03/08/2012 18:05

Your husband is being a dick.
Hmm.
I don't know how to get him to figure this out if he can't see it already. It's pretty obvious. :(

Original poster
GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 18:10

euphehima-I said to him why didnt you tell your mum to shut up when she was making those comments and he replied "because she is my mum and I wont speak to her like that" to which I said "I am your wife" and got no replySad

I wish I could tell him to leave but I know he would refuse to go and I have no where to go-dont like to burden my friends and family with my shit...

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CockyPants · 03/08/2012 18:10

Tell DH and MIL to sex and travel!

ivykaty44 · 03/08/2012 18:13

that's the problem - you start going somewhere for lunch the same time every week for a couple of years - and then after 16 years you want a change, only the other people have got used to the arrangement and throw a hissy fit when you want to lead your own lives.

Thing is you have to knock it on the head after week one - never go back a second week.

Original poster
GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 18:14

eupehmia-no point in asking that question as I know what he woukd answerSad

I have tried to point out that the dcs and I should be his number 1 priority now and I just get accused of trying to cut him off from his family...

We once had that conversation about who you would save in a fire if you HAD to make a choice-I said dcs no question-he said he couldnt possibly choose between his brother and the dcsHmm

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Original poster
GoranisGod · 03/08/2012 18:20

Thanks for the replies ladies. I am actually sat here starting to feel guilty and pondering whether or not to text mil as I know this is going to blow up into huge row soon....

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