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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I know how you all love a wedding bar thread. BYO. AIBU?

160 replies

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 13:31

We're having our wedding on a working dairy farm where we've hired a barn and a field. We're bringing everything on site, marquee, toilets generator, the lot.

We're planning to provide a Pimm's/fizzy elderflower drinks reception (2-3 glasses ppn), then red and white wine (just under 1 bottle ppn) to be served with lunch followed by some fizz (2-3 glasses ppn) for the toasts.

We were planning to get an event bar service to come on-site to provide a pay bar for the guests. They've quoted £300 for the staff, supplies and equipment. they would be charging our guests standard bar prices. We decided £300 would be better spent on booze instead, for that we could buy 2 casks of local ales, and a cask of local cider. That works out at about 2-3 pints per person. We'd also buy a selection of large bottles of standard spirits, vodka, gin, rum etc. There would be plenty of mixers and soft drinks, and we'd get some wine on sale or return from Majestics. My BiL is making some homebrew and my bridesmen's nana is giving us this years' batch of elderberry wine. The quantities of these homebrew provisions is anyone's guess.

I don't expect this amount of alcohol to last all night, and my Dad suggested we should just let people know what will be provided and that they can also bring their own if they like. Before we'd even thought about what to do about drinks, When a few of our friends found out about the nature of our wedding, the fact it was a non-standard venue, several said "brilliant, won't have to hide my hip flask" or similar. Our caterers said many weddings they've done have had a similar scenario, and they tend to help organise the collection and service of brought drinks.

I know the idea of BYO to a wedding might be controversial grabby/rude insert MN terminology here and I'm not 100% sure about it. My Dad thinks people would far prefer to spend £10 on 12 bottles of their favourite lager from Tesco beforehand than on two drinks from a pay bar. I don't really think my friends and family would be sneery about it, but our wedding is all about our guests having the best possible time on the budget we have, so I'm trying to work out if this fits in with that philosophy.

I guess we could spend another £300 on more drinks, but that would mean second guessing what people will want to drink, and how much will be drunk. Not to mention spending £300 less on something else, and the majority of the budget is being spent on food and event hire - my dress was 50p from Sue Ryder not really but you know what I mean. We've attended many of our guests weddings before ours and every one has had a standard venue pay bar. Given that we'd originally intended (with no qualms whatsoever - I've read the threads) to provide a standard pay bar for our guests, is providing them with the alcohol options I've outlined reasonable?

:)
Just another thinly veiled excuse to bang on about me' nuptuals really

OP posts:
peggyblackett · 02/08/2012 13:34

Sounds totally reasonable to me. I think pay bars and BYO are both fine. You have to be ££££ indeed to be able to foot the booze bill for all of your friends if they drink like mine.

JumpingThroughHoops · 02/08/2012 13:34

In my experience, when it's a free bar, people are somewhat, well, wasteful? They tend to get a drink, put it down, get another drink and you end up with a hell of a lot of wastage. People are also greedy, ordering double, triple even quadruple spirits.

peggyblackett · 02/08/2012 13:34

And congratulations on your wedding :)

NoNoNoMYDoIt · 02/08/2012 13:34

that already sounds like a LOT of booze to be providing. we did a bar for our wedding where we purchased alcohol on sale or return; told people what we were providing and told them they were welcome to bring anything else they would rather have. people then helped themselves to what we had. (we did organise bar staff but they didn't show!)

we had tonnes of booze left over and we worked on a bottle of wine per person and a few cans of beer. i think you are already providing tonnes...

EauRouge · 02/08/2012 13:35

Your wedding sounds ace, can I come? Grin I wouldn't have a problem with a BYOB wedding at all. It sounds lovely and informal. Hope it goes well!

mrsscoob · 02/08/2012 13:35

Actually think that is a great idea. I would be more than happy to bring my own wine rather than fork out almost the same amount per glass at a bar. Your wedding sounds fab :)

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 02/08/2012 13:36

I think that as long as you let people know, it's fine. I wouldn't bat an eyelid, and would be thrilled to be able to buy from a cheapo shop rather than having to pay bar prices all night. The only time I would be peeved would be if I hadn't known, so didn't bring any drink with me. I think you're being generous with what you're providing too. Grin

BawbagBiggins · 02/08/2012 13:36

Sounds perfect, I'd be overjoyed at being able to bring my own (if I could stand up after the amount of free stuff you're generously providing) Go for it xx

LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/08/2012 13:36

I think given you're providing some booze, no-one will be offended if you explain it's ok to BYO. I like the idea of 'hipflasks welcome'. Grin

QuenelleOJersey2012 · 02/08/2012 13:37

Ooh, are you getting married Vivi? Congratulations Thanks

I think you have laid on plenty. And you have warned those who need to drink a bit more to have a good time me so they can bring more booze if they want. Homebrew and homemade elderberry wine is very fitting for a barn setting. It's not like you're holding some fancypants do in the Savoy and asking people to BYOB is it?

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 13:38

NoNoNoNoNooo

That's reassuring. We're in the middle of nowhere, my biggest fear is it running dry and going down in history as the wedding with no booze.

Lat wedding I went to I was sozzled just on the champagne reception and dinner wine, and didn't have any more drinks after that, but you know what some men who haven't let their hair down for a while can be like....

OP posts:
Doingakatereddy · 02/08/2012 13:38

BYO is a top idea! In our group, a booze car has been the norm for a few years as people too skint to pay expensive venue prices.

Your solution seems very practical & you are been very generous with booze you are providing. Have a lovely day!

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 13:38

*and women

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 02/08/2012 13:39

I think if you say something like

Lots of Booze will be provided of course, however as it wont be limitless feel free to bring your own favourtite drink

I am the first to complain on tight weddings BTW!!

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 13:39

Wow Quenelle I'm shocked there's someone I haven't droned on to about it. Yes, we are. And thank you all for your well wishes. I'd invite the whole of MN if I could. Apart from one or two Wink

OP posts:
bagelmonkey · 02/08/2012 13:40

I think BYO for the evening is a great idea, especially if you let guests know that there will be wine provided on the table etc. I think you're already providing plenty. I'd be much happier with BYO than a pay bar.

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 13:40

Porca I like that wording a lot. Short, polite to the point.

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 02/08/2012 13:40

I personally wouldn't put BYO, no.

Firstly, you have TONS of booze already so people wouldn't have to spend that much more at the bar (it''ll be the hardcore smaller group staying up all night boozing and it's up to them)

Secondly, I disagree that people want to stock up on booze beforehand. I think people like and expect to pay at a bar for the evening bit of the wedding, rather than glugging their own swag in a student-y way

Thirdly, so many people will just think 'Bring your own? What? Bloody cheek!!' when they see the invite and get in a lather about it without realising how much drink you are already supplying.

Your wedding sounds FABULOUS btw and congratulations!!

StealthPolarBear · 02/08/2012 13:41

My only concern is would you provide somewhere straight away for people to put them or would your wedding photos show people holding 4 packs and bottles of wine sticking out of handbags?

CMOTDibbler · 02/08/2012 13:41

I think you are providing a whole lot of booze already tbh, even without the spirits.

I'd put in your wedding info 'there is no bar at the venue, so we will be providing bitter, cider and wine, plus soft drinks. Feel free to bring your own if you would like to'. Then people know you aren't being stingy, but can choose.

Passmethecrisps · 02/08/2012 13:41

Great idea! I wish we could have done this. We were at a wedding recently where the guests got a glass of fizz for the toast and there were two cask ales provided. They also bought some bits and pieces to start the bar off. Everyone who came added to the bar and things were shared. It was great, the atmosphere was lovely and people were saved having to pay bar prices. I am envious astonished that people can afford free bars.

Can I please come? Sounds awesome

BillyBollyBandy · 02/08/2012 13:43

I can't possibly say unless I have an invite.

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 13:44

Good shout stealth. I could arm one of my bridesmen with an alcohol collection receptacle at the car park perhaps... The caterers said they tend to just fill a massive vessel with ice and bung it all in...

Proud what do you make of Porca's wording?

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 02/08/2012 13:45

My BiL is making some homebrew and my bridesmen's nana is giving us this years' batch of elderberry wine. See, this bit worries me Wink.

But no, it's a great idea, and if I was a guest at your wedding (BTW, I'm free on 11 May ) I'd much rather BMO than pay for some, although, tightwad that I am, I'd hide anything I'd brought and drink all the free stuff first.

Will you be able to provide ice bags/buckets/boxes?

BrianButterfield · 02/08/2012 13:45

I think the wording CMOT suggests is best. I like a free bar, of course, but to be honest bringing a bottle of wine and some beers works out about the same as one round of drinks at a posh hotel wedding so I'd be plenty happy with that arrangement. In a marquee it's fine as people just stash them in the corners and sort themselves out quite happily.

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