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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I know how you all love a wedding bar thread. BYO. AIBU?

160 replies

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 13:31

We're having our wedding on a working dairy farm where we've hired a barn and a field. We're bringing everything on site, marquee, toilets generator, the lot.

We're planning to provide a Pimm's/fizzy elderflower drinks reception (2-3 glasses ppn), then red and white wine (just under 1 bottle ppn) to be served with lunch followed by some fizz (2-3 glasses ppn) for the toasts.

We were planning to get an event bar service to come on-site to provide a pay bar for the guests. They've quoted £300 for the staff, supplies and equipment. they would be charging our guests standard bar prices. We decided £300 would be better spent on booze instead, for that we could buy 2 casks of local ales, and a cask of local cider. That works out at about 2-3 pints per person. We'd also buy a selection of large bottles of standard spirits, vodka, gin, rum etc. There would be plenty of mixers and soft drinks, and we'd get some wine on sale or return from Majestics. My BiL is making some homebrew and my bridesmen's nana is giving us this years' batch of elderberry wine. The quantities of these homebrew provisions is anyone's guess.

I don't expect this amount of alcohol to last all night, and my Dad suggested we should just let people know what will be provided and that they can also bring their own if they like. Before we'd even thought about what to do about drinks, When a few of our friends found out about the nature of our wedding, the fact it was a non-standard venue, several said "brilliant, won't have to hide my hip flask" or similar. Our caterers said many weddings they've done have had a similar scenario, and they tend to help organise the collection and service of brought drinks.

I know the idea of BYO to a wedding might be controversial grabby/rude insert MN terminology here and I'm not 100% sure about it. My Dad thinks people would far prefer to spend £10 on 12 bottles of their favourite lager from Tesco beforehand than on two drinks from a pay bar. I don't really think my friends and family would be sneery about it, but our wedding is all about our guests having the best possible time on the budget we have, so I'm trying to work out if this fits in with that philosophy.

I guess we could spend another £300 on more drinks, but that would mean second guessing what people will want to drink, and how much will be drunk. Not to mention spending £300 less on something else, and the majority of the budget is being spent on food and event hire - my dress was 50p from Sue Ryder not really but you know what I mean. We've attended many of our guests weddings before ours and every one has had a standard venue pay bar. Given that we'd originally intended (with no qualms whatsoever - I've read the threads) to provide a standard pay bar for our guests, is providing them with the alcohol options I've outlined reasonable?

:)
Just another thinly veiled excuse to bang on about me' nuptuals really

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 02/08/2012 14:46

sainsbury do free glass hire

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 14:46
OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 02/08/2012 14:47

how many guests in the evening drinking?

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 14:48

So do Majestic, but I think you have to return them clean, or pay a big premium for dirty return. All of our catering supplies are dirty return. It's more expensive but we don't have any cleaning facility on site. By the time I've paid for staff, dirty return hire etc etc for all this BYO, I may as well pay the event bar £300 to come on site... Confused

OP posts:
ViviPru · 02/08/2012 14:50

About 95 adults, most of them drink as far as I am aware...

OP posts:
ViviPru · 02/08/2012 14:52

Actually probably more like 90 in the evening (my sums above for the #of drinks ppn in the day is based on about 80 - we're not having an evening do as such, but a few people who can't make it all day for whatever reason are coming along later)

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 02/08/2012 14:57

Your wedding sounds amazing. Really really lovely.

I would be very happy with bringing my own or bringing to share.

It means we could spend 30quid on nice wine and a crate of beer as opposed to 80quid on wine and beer not of our choosing iyswim?

Spuddybean · 02/08/2012 14:58

Not sure if someone has said this as i have just skimmed, but would you have a table with all the booze on or would people keep their stuff with them?

I ask because i have been to a few similar 21sts/silver wedding parties and they have done this. You are then expected to hand over your precious booze for everyone to help themselves to. So if like me you are fussy refined and only like certain wine, all your nice chablis goes and there is only libfraumilch left

If there is not a top table of booze then you might want to provide ice buckets because warm white wine is no laughing matter! and cork screws/bottle openers on tables.

At my wedding we put loads of bottles of chilled champagne on tables for people to have with the speeches and some grabby/mean bastards wouldn't open them and carried them off home. As well as another family member loading up her car with all the table decorations (even tho she left at 7pm so the evening reception was bare!). Sorry rant over.

Anyway - your wedding sounds gorgeous. Have a wonderful day.

Passmethecrisps · 02/08/2012 15:02

vivi if you could afford staff, glass hire etc then fabulous. However, that's what best pals are for and Plastic glasses will be fab - you could even get lovely coloured ones to match your decor.

It's a wedding in a barn on a real farm with cows mooing and pooing. You will be chic and fabulous in your gardenia, size 12 gown and people will marvel at how relaxed and wonderful your wedding is. It's not everyone's thing but it is obviously yours so is likely to be popular amongst your friends and family. Have you looked at Rock My Wedding? It has loads of weddings from all ends of the budget spectrum.

ivykaty44 · 02/08/2012 15:06

95 guests

so if they each have average of 6 glasses of drink that will approx cost 6 pounds per head, that is cost price x by 95 well say 100 and the cost is 600 for a free bar.

it will always cost more for a free bar than a pay bar, but you knew that anyway.

TBH I would stick to wine, beer and soft drinks for the liquor part of the evening.

Let people know that this is what you are providing and if they wish to bring something more to their taste then they are most welcome.

Then buy 300 pounds worth of beer and wine and stop worrying Grin

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 15:07

Thinking about glasses, those who would be drinking wine most of the evening could just hang onto the wineglass from their table at dinner couldn't they?

Doing a quick mental scan of the guests, most people are pretty foodie and into their decent wines and proper beer. We've had big parties at home before where it has all worked out pretty fairly, although nothing on this scale. I couldn't imagine anyone would bring aldi specials then swipe someone else's premium tipple. And if that did go on, it would only be on a very small scale.

OP posts:
Passmethecrisps · 02/08/2012 15:09

spuddy! That's outrageous! Did you say people could take table decor? We gave away table decor as favours but only one thing - not the whole blinking lot!

We supplied bottles of wine on tables and a table on entry with fizzy. All bottles were opened already.

The other thing against getting in a pay bar is a lack of choice. We ended up buying cask ales to supplement the poor pay bar we had to have with our venue. We paid for the ale and our guests were charged also. This is the way the license worked and left a bit of a sour taste in our mouths. The cost to our guests was nominal and essentially corkage. If there was any left over the bar were going to charge us again for some other reason - 'throwing away charge' or some such garbage. We told a few of our trusted guests and they took great pleasure in drinking both barrels dry.

chipsandpeas · 02/08/2012 15:17

sounds like my ideal wedding

sayithowitis · 02/08/2012 15:18

First, I need to say that I really dislike paybars at weddings - I believe that if I have invited people to attend my event, I should at least feed and water them. However, you are already planning to provide masses of drink, so personally I would have absolutely no problem with the BYO aspect of your wedding. I would just want to know the situation about glasses, keeping cool etc.

Your dress is stunning. In fact, the whole day sounds as though it is going to be wonderful!

Spuddybean · 02/08/2012 15:20

Passme We had bought potted miniature roses which were going to be gifts to people at the end of the night. After the meal some of the tables were cleared away for dancing so one Aunt asked my mum if she could have some of the plants, Mum said yes without checking with me. Said Aunt (very strident takeover, jolly hockey sticks sort) then went round and collected all decorations and filled her boot. When i said goodbye to them the boot was open and it was full of plants. I flustered something about it and she said 'well they'll only go to waste and this way i can take them to my church' and drove off. I was so livid. The insult to injury is i'm a militant atheist and the church got them and i didn't get to keep one. All evening guests must have thought we'd scrimped on decor. I am still very bitter!

Sorry to hijack OP - I'm sure your guests are much nicer than mine were and would never dream of having off with the nice booze like my in-laws did! When i saw them all leave holding bottles of champagne i was so angry too. They don't drink so said they were taking it to give as gifts!!!

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 15:26

Ha Pass RMW took over from MN as my first click of the day a long time ago. There will indeed be pooing and mooing. (And that's just the MiL boom tish )

Spuddy it was stupid venue rules and lack of choice that had us looking for somewhere we could have free reign in the first place. "Throwing away charge"?! That's priceless!

Thanks for all the positive responses folks :)

OP posts:
storminabuttercup · 02/08/2012 15:37

It sounds fab to me, I've been thinking alot about what I'd like at my wedding and yours sounds so similar. Tell us more vivi so I can pinch ideas

gothicangel · 02/08/2012 15:42

Sounds fantastic, :) love the local ale and cider :)

hope you have a amazing day x

Margerykemp · 02/08/2012 15:42

Byo sounds much better than pay bar.

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 15:58

What do you want to know, storm? We're D-Ipod-Y in the music (DP was a pro dj and we met through clubbing) I'm currently trying desperately to edit the playlist as we speak. It's a 70's-funk-disco-80's-soul-90's-R&B-Hip-hop-00s-house-classics megamix of JOY with a Beyonce interlude. We're going to play my sister's and a couple of friends processional/first dance songs before I come down the aisle (to ) - I'm hoping for tears. During the ceremony, my niece and nephew are then going to play & sing Better Together and we're having 'Oh The Places You'll Go' read by my best girlfriend. My Mum's keeping her reading a secret.

My Mum is knitting the bunting, her and MiL are growing all the flowers from bulbs. My sister's done us a painting that I'm using on the stationery that I'm designing myself (graphic designer). We're having bubble bearers (flowergirls handing out bubbles instead of confetti) and huge round helium balloons with LEDs in (much cheaper than you'd think). We're having an acoustic guitar duo play during the pimms & canapes, which we're keeping a secret from the guests, as I think they'll not expect it as they know we're trying to keep to a tight budget. There'll be bat & trap and boule and croquet. And a giant connect 4 that we're making with all the counters as guest's faces. The place settings will be napkins I'm making with free-machine-embroidered names on that people can keep. Favours will be little jars of my Mum's apple-chilli chutney. We're having a big stonking BBQ which is where the budget is being blown as it's all going to be top drawer local stuff. Loads of friends are making various salads, I'm making the cake myself (lemon and white chocolate ganache) and my BiL is making shitloads of chutney to go with the cheese tower. And you know about the drinks.... And if it rains, we've got a massive stable to hang out in as well as the barn and marquee. But I don't care as my wedding wellies are being shipped as we speak.

Oh thank you I feel better for getting all that off my chest.

OP posts:
Spuddybean · 02/08/2012 16:03

Oh Vivi it sounds gorgeous. What a great wedding. What is your dress like (have i missed that?)

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 16:08

Yeh, I've already raved about that upthread, but to save you searching it's here. I just wanted something really simple and affordable.

OP posts:
DizzyKipper · 02/08/2012 16:15

Try this, it may help you work out how much drink. And I think BYO is fine btw.

Trills · 02/08/2012 16:18

That all sounds fantabulous

hermionestranger · 02/08/2012 16:21

Sounds good to me. I'll be honest here and admit to usually stashing booze in the car boot/hotel bedroom to bring in because pay bars can be ££££.

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