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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I know how you all love a wedding bar thread. BYO. AIBU?

160 replies

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 13:31

We're having our wedding on a working dairy farm where we've hired a barn and a field. We're bringing everything on site, marquee, toilets generator, the lot.

We're planning to provide a Pimm's/fizzy elderflower drinks reception (2-3 glasses ppn), then red and white wine (just under 1 bottle ppn) to be served with lunch followed by some fizz (2-3 glasses ppn) for the toasts.

We were planning to get an event bar service to come on-site to provide a pay bar for the guests. They've quoted £300 for the staff, supplies and equipment. they would be charging our guests standard bar prices. We decided £300 would be better spent on booze instead, for that we could buy 2 casks of local ales, and a cask of local cider. That works out at about 2-3 pints per person. We'd also buy a selection of large bottles of standard spirits, vodka, gin, rum etc. There would be plenty of mixers and soft drinks, and we'd get some wine on sale or return from Majestics. My BiL is making some homebrew and my bridesmen's nana is giving us this years' batch of elderberry wine. The quantities of these homebrew provisions is anyone's guess.

I don't expect this amount of alcohol to last all night, and my Dad suggested we should just let people know what will be provided and that they can also bring their own if they like. Before we'd even thought about what to do about drinks, When a few of our friends found out about the nature of our wedding, the fact it was a non-standard venue, several said "brilliant, won't have to hide my hip flask" or similar. Our caterers said many weddings they've done have had a similar scenario, and they tend to help organise the collection and service of brought drinks.

I know the idea of BYO to a wedding might be controversial grabby/rude insert MN terminology here and I'm not 100% sure about it. My Dad thinks people would far prefer to spend £10 on 12 bottles of their favourite lager from Tesco beforehand than on two drinks from a pay bar. I don't really think my friends and family would be sneery about it, but our wedding is all about our guests having the best possible time on the budget we have, so I'm trying to work out if this fits in with that philosophy.

I guess we could spend another £300 on more drinks, but that would mean second guessing what people will want to drink, and how much will be drunk. Not to mention spending £300 less on something else, and the majority of the budget is being spent on food and event hire - my dress was 50p from Sue Ryder not really but you know what I mean. We've attended many of our guests weddings before ours and every one has had a standard venue pay bar. Given that we'd originally intended (with no qualms whatsoever - I've read the threads) to provide a standard pay bar for our guests, is providing them with the alcohol options I've outlined reasonable?

:)
Just another thinly veiled excuse to bang on about me' nuptuals really

OP posts:
AnnaRack · 02/08/2012 14:04

£300 seems a lot for a pay bar, and agree that it isn't hospitable to expect guests to pay for their drinks!
Not sure about BYO either, will glases be provided or guests have to bring their own? As a compromise, could you provide just the soft drinks and glasses, and invite people bring their own alcohol if they want to?

QuenelleOJersey2012 · 02/08/2012 14:04

It's beautiful Vivi.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/08/2012 14:07

anna, she's not expecting guests to pay for their drinks - only if they get through more than a pimms and a bottle of wine apiece, if my reckoning is correct?

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 14:08

I like your wording too Passme, and some great suggestions. I also like cokeaholic's suggestion of a tub per table. Any excuse to buy more bargain pretty from TK Maxx to wrap raffia round.

I genuinely thought I might be being a bit U, you've all made me feel so much better and armed with ideas.

No link I'm afraid, Overcooked, it's literally just a working farm just outside our village. I found it after an exhaustive search of pretty much every field and building in the area. Although I've discussed with the farmer the possibility of a joint venture of turning it into a rustic no-frills venue that I would market and manage. He seems pretty open to suggestion probably best not to reveal that I've already designed the website and spoken to the Local Authority.

OP posts:
garlicnutter · 02/08/2012 14:09

Vivi, your dress is gorgeous and your wedding sounds ace!
Have fun :)

squoosh · 02/08/2012 14:10

Love that dress!

Proudnscary · 02/08/2012 14:11

Where are links to dress and venue? Can't see!

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 14:13

Yeah we'll provide glasses, well probably plastic cups. I will make sure it will all be very tastefully presented though. Our friends run an event company and have said we can use their physical bar, so with that, my SIl's Dinghy and a few more items I'm sure it ought to come together ok.

Thanks, Quenelle. Just another stone to lose and it might actually fit Grin

OP posts:
seoladair · 02/08/2012 14:15

Great idea. The sort of people who would be sniffy about it are probably not the sort of people you'd want to have at your wedding anyway.
YADNBU!

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 14:17

I'm thinking a beerboat - a bit like this and this

Along these lines but slicker

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squoosh · 02/08/2012 14:18

I'm developing a thirst just looking at those first two pictures.

Mmmmmm.

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 14:21

Here you go proud - dress

No venue website. Yet.

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WelshMaenad · 02/08/2012 14:23

Omg, your wedding sounds fucking amazing? Can income?

If your friends are anything like mine they will also think it's ace. I can imagine DH's family might have got snotty but tbh they got snotty about plenty, including my sister intervening when they tried to steal all the leftover (unopened) table wine and hide it Unser their table St the evening do, so they could have merrily fucked off.

One of the things everyone still praises about my wedding us the reasonable booze prices. Bring able to byo would have been even better!

Passmethecrisps · 02/08/2012 14:24

vivi your dress is fabulous!

A tub per table is a great idea. My friend sent a wee information leaflet alongside the invite just explaining what they were doing and what people could expect. Their venue wasn't licensed and a pay bar would easily cost £300 (we prices for ours and we were looking at £500). I am certain that even those who are a wee bit uncertain woul have a fab time anyway.

I have never been to a wedding with a free bar (any do actually) so I would be delighted not to have to spend bar prices. I have been to wedding in fabulous, glamorous venues but you end up spending £6+ on a glass of incipid wine.

WelshMaenad · 02/08/2012 14:24

/\clearly have already been on the booze...

Floggingmolly · 02/08/2012 14:26

Will people really want to arrive in their wedding finery with a six pack of brown ale under their arm? Wink

nickelbarapasaurus · 02/08/2012 14:33

yeah! Grin

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 14:34

Welsh funnily enough, the only person who has been a bit Hmm so far was MiL to be, she thinks we'd be better of taking the event bar route, but I think that's only out of concern for making things as easy for us as possible and she couldn't visualise how the logistics of BYO could work. It was her lone voice of reticence that prompted me to start the thread. Lolz at your in laws Grin

Thank you Passme its a bit pinky-creamier IRL, the colour is 'gardenia' which I think is a good description. I bought it the week I got engaged, it was two sizes too small at the time, but I've been a small 12 before, I can do it again. £129, can't go wrong. All the more ££s to spend on shitloads of cheese that I will mange to myself on the day after a year of abstinence

I'm planning to take out the boned bustier inner which you can see gives it a dodgy line above the waist and wear a proper longline corset.

OP posts:
nickelbarapasaurus · 02/08/2012 14:35

can you at least tell us on google maps?

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 14:37

Flogging it's a genuine consideration, but the ceremony-breakfast-evening do is all on the same site and the carpark is right there - most people are driving and leaving their cars overnight, so they could always pop back to their car and fetch the bevvies in when they get a suitable break in the proceedings.... It's going to be a pretty informal affair so hopefully most people wont mind too much and those who do can just quaff their fill of the provided drinks. I guess I'm only really concerned about the hardcore drinkers like Proudnscary Wink having enough to last them into the small hours...

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blackteaplease · 02/08/2012 14:38

The one I went to with a free bar was in a church hall and unlicensed so the booze was all supplied by the bride and groom. They had a random selection of wine/ ale/ lager bought on offer from various supermarkets and stored in a room out the back. I was on red wine so can't tell you how they kept drinks cool, nor can I remember if they had spirits either.

Tubs full of ice sound good, especially if you have a few of them dotted around.

ivykaty44 · 02/08/2012 14:39

A decent wine store - we have a couple local, would do sale or return. Doing sale or return would assist your second guessing and reduce the amount of wine you may or may not have left over.

If you can find a local off licence that isn't part of a chain you may well be able to do the same with the soft drinks and spirits.

What will you do for glasses?

hazchem · 02/08/2012 14:41

vivi I hope you don't mind but I might start stalking you for wedding ideas. Your dress is lovely. Your venue sounds a bit like mine.

We think my Dad will make most of the beer for it but I'm Australian so I've been worried about the booze situation. A free bar is standard in Australia but then so is bringing own esky (cool box) to a outdoor event so you have a seat and no one can take your cold beer.

ivykaty44 · 02/08/2012 14:43

You could always go through an agency and hire a couple of barpeople for the evening, I don't mean that they stand behind a make shift bar.

But they keep the bottles stored and then open and serve as needed. What you don't want at the end of the evening of 100 bottles of open wine half drunk and the same with spirits.

The bar people could walk around with the wine and top up peoples glasses etc and help serve at a large table, just so that people aren't silly and put half a bottle of vodka in their glass and then leave it and wander off.

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 14:44

Yes, we'll buy a load of sale or return wine from Majestic. I've already bought the table wine - got an outrageous deal on Nobilo, £4.49 a bottle from ocado. Result.

Glass hire is pretty cheap - but it would probably just be easier/cost effective to buy disposable. The venue is pretty rustic, while we plan to tart it right up, I don't think plastic/paper cups will be incongruous - it'd sit with the festivally vibe anyway.

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