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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I know how you all love a wedding bar thread. BYO. AIBU?

160 replies

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 13:31

We're having our wedding on a working dairy farm where we've hired a barn and a field. We're bringing everything on site, marquee, toilets generator, the lot.

We're planning to provide a Pimm's/fizzy elderflower drinks reception (2-3 glasses ppn), then red and white wine (just under 1 bottle ppn) to be served with lunch followed by some fizz (2-3 glasses ppn) for the toasts.

We were planning to get an event bar service to come on-site to provide a pay bar for the guests. They've quoted £300 for the staff, supplies and equipment. they would be charging our guests standard bar prices. We decided £300 would be better spent on booze instead, for that we could buy 2 casks of local ales, and a cask of local cider. That works out at about 2-3 pints per person. We'd also buy a selection of large bottles of standard spirits, vodka, gin, rum etc. There would be plenty of mixers and soft drinks, and we'd get some wine on sale or return from Majestics. My BiL is making some homebrew and my bridesmen's nana is giving us this years' batch of elderberry wine. The quantities of these homebrew provisions is anyone's guess.

I don't expect this amount of alcohol to last all night, and my Dad suggested we should just let people know what will be provided and that they can also bring their own if they like. Before we'd even thought about what to do about drinks, When a few of our friends found out about the nature of our wedding, the fact it was a non-standard venue, several said "brilliant, won't have to hide my hip flask" or similar. Our caterers said many weddings they've done have had a similar scenario, and they tend to help organise the collection and service of brought drinks.

I know the idea of BYO to a wedding might be controversial grabby/rude insert MN terminology here and I'm not 100% sure about it. My Dad thinks people would far prefer to spend £10 on 12 bottles of their favourite lager from Tesco beforehand than on two drinks from a pay bar. I don't really think my friends and family would be sneery about it, but our wedding is all about our guests having the best possible time on the budget we have, so I'm trying to work out if this fits in with that philosophy.

I guess we could spend another £300 on more drinks, but that would mean second guessing what people will want to drink, and how much will be drunk. Not to mention spending £300 less on something else, and the majority of the budget is being spent on food and event hire - my dress was 50p from Sue Ryder not really but you know what I mean. We've attended many of our guests weddings before ours and every one has had a standard venue pay bar. Given that we'd originally intended (with no qualms whatsoever - I've read the threads) to provide a standard pay bar for our guests, is providing them with the alcohol options I've outlined reasonable?

:)
Just another thinly veiled excuse to bang on about me' nuptuals really

OP posts:
ViviPru · 03/08/2012 08:47

Yeah I'm an obb tribalist, Zillion. It's a really good resource, but I do find it less useful than the UK blogs, being so US-focussed.

I've been thinking about the ice-bucket-per-table idea, but I think during the meal will be the time people are less interested in drinking the drinks they brought as they will sit down with a glass of Pimm's to plenty of wine on the table, followed by fizz. I think that's the one part of the day we have fully covered, booze-wise. At the last wedding I went to, there was a pay bar in the marquee but I didn't see one person use it until long after the toasts when table wine and fizz had run dry. Even people who aren't that fussed about wine tend to drink it if its there.

I think the majority of the BYO stash will be consumed later on during the evening.

Thanks for all the advice :)

OP posts:
ViviPru · 03/08/2012 08:48

Babylon, thanks for your post, that sounds pretty much the exact setup I envisage.

OP posts:
Sighingagain · 03/08/2012 08:50

Can I come? It's been a really tough year and I love the sound of your wedding - I'll bring my own and pay for my own meal.

I'll leave Dh and and the DCs at home Grin.

Sounds like a great idea to me :).

ViviPru · 03/08/2012 08:53

Ah, sighing, I wish I could have you and all the other lovely MNtters who have been so positive. I can see it now. AIBU to invite an infinite number of strangers to my wedding? DP thinks I am....

OP posts:
Sighingagain · 03/08/2012 08:55

Is there a link to your dress ? I'd love to see it :).

Mine was £50 from eBay and I loved it.

GnocchiNineDoors · 03/08/2012 08:55

What about

"As there is no bare onsite at the venue, we will be providing a selection of local ales and ciders. Please feel free to.bring along your favourite tipple for the evening"

GnocchiNineDoors · 03/08/2012 08:55

bar not bare Blush

ViviPru · 03/08/2012 09:10

sighing - loads of dress links upthread :)

Gnocchi I like the idea of mentioning 'for the evening' I don't want to be too prescriptive, but I find the clearer you can be with people in advance, the smoother things run on the day. Managing expectations and all that.

So how it will work is thus (thinking aloud): People rock up to the ceremony, my bridesmen will be briefed to either collect the BYO as they arrive if guests have it in hand, or let people who've left it in their cars know where they can put it later on. It will all be put on ice in the bar of the barn where the evening party will be.

After the ceremony, there will be Pimm's and sparkling elderflower, the casks of ale and cider will be available along with the spirits and mixers. If people are intent on starting on their their BYO then, they will know where it is. People will the sit down to the meal where there will be loads of wine and then fizz. After that, when we're all letting our dinners go down and lounging around in the glorious May sunshine there should still be plenty of cider, ale, wine and spirits available. It's only then that I would really start to be concerned about the stock we've bought starting to run low, by which time people will be making a start on their BYO....

I think it could work alright.

OP posts:
brimfullofasha · 03/08/2012 13:31

Your wedding sounds great. We got married on a farm and asked people to bring their own for the evening. We had loads of wine left over from the day too. The whole thing was pretty relaxed so I don't think people will have minded.

mockingjay · 03/08/2012 14:13

I have been to a BYO wedding, much better than a pay bar, and way cheaper. If you think people will mind, you can always explain politely that its money on alcohol or bar staff, and so you chose alcohol Smile

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