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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I know how you all love a wedding bar thread. BYO. AIBU?

160 replies

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 13:31

We're having our wedding on a working dairy farm where we've hired a barn and a field. We're bringing everything on site, marquee, toilets generator, the lot.

We're planning to provide a Pimm's/fizzy elderflower drinks reception (2-3 glasses ppn), then red and white wine (just under 1 bottle ppn) to be served with lunch followed by some fizz (2-3 glasses ppn) for the toasts.

We were planning to get an event bar service to come on-site to provide a pay bar for the guests. They've quoted £300 for the staff, supplies and equipment. they would be charging our guests standard bar prices. We decided £300 would be better spent on booze instead, for that we could buy 2 casks of local ales, and a cask of local cider. That works out at about 2-3 pints per person. We'd also buy a selection of large bottles of standard spirits, vodka, gin, rum etc. There would be plenty of mixers and soft drinks, and we'd get some wine on sale or return from Majestics. My BiL is making some homebrew and my bridesmen's nana is giving us this years' batch of elderberry wine. The quantities of these homebrew provisions is anyone's guess.

I don't expect this amount of alcohol to last all night, and my Dad suggested we should just let people know what will be provided and that they can also bring their own if they like. Before we'd even thought about what to do about drinks, When a few of our friends found out about the nature of our wedding, the fact it was a non-standard venue, several said "brilliant, won't have to hide my hip flask" or similar. Our caterers said many weddings they've done have had a similar scenario, and they tend to help organise the collection and service of brought drinks.

I know the idea of BYO to a wedding might be controversial grabby/rude insert MN terminology here and I'm not 100% sure about it. My Dad thinks people would far prefer to spend £10 on 12 bottles of their favourite lager from Tesco beforehand than on two drinks from a pay bar. I don't really think my friends and family would be sneery about it, but our wedding is all about our guests having the best possible time on the budget we have, so I'm trying to work out if this fits in with that philosophy.

I guess we could spend another £300 on more drinks, but that would mean second guessing what people will want to drink, and how much will be drunk. Not to mention spending £300 less on something else, and the majority of the budget is being spent on food and event hire - my dress was 50p from Sue Ryder not really but you know what I mean. We've attended many of our guests weddings before ours and every one has had a standard venue pay bar. Given that we'd originally intended (with no qualms whatsoever - I've read the threads) to provide a standard pay bar for our guests, is providing them with the alcohol options I've outlined reasonable?

:)
Just another thinly veiled excuse to bang on about me' nuptuals really

OP posts:
ViviPru · 02/08/2012 18:32

chaotic the welly company have been BRILLIANT.

They've paid for the special delivery return postage to Finland, and have made a special order for the right colour to be sent to me.

www.scandinavianoutdoorstore.com Only ?4 postage to the UK.

OP posts:
Bue · 02/08/2012 18:44

I checked out her blog - loooovely.

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 18:56

She's good, isn't she. And she's just got a MKIII 5D, and as a massive photography geek I'm super excited my wedding's going to be shot on a 22.3 megapixel sensor. Eeee!

Do you live in the states, then Bue? I get the impression this kind of event is much more the norm over there. I have to steel myself from looking at too much greenweddingshoes/100layercake/stylemepretty or I would just burst with too many ideas....

OP posts:
Trills · 02/08/2012 18:57
Envy

Just in general

silverangel · 02/08/2012 19:41

I haven't read the whole thread but think its a brilliant idea! Enjoy:)

TheVermiciousKnid · 02/08/2012 19:45

You know, you really are unreasonable. Very, very unreasonable. You are so unreasonable, because you should have invited me to the wedding.Angry It sounds fab. Grin

JumpingThroughHoops · 02/08/2012 19:47

my biggest fear is it running dry and going down in history as the wedding with no booze

Been to one of those - fortunately it was in the village hall, the offy was still open Grin

tara0202 · 02/08/2012 19:47

Not read whole thread either but wedding sounds fab and I wouldn't mind in the slightest taking some booze to a wedding.

I'd actually be quite delighted not to pay bar prices all night. I think it sounds great.

MirandaGoshawk · 02/08/2012 19:47

It sounds brilliant. Why get your guests to pay silly prices when they could bring theuir own? That's if they need any more booze - I think you're being very generous with the free stuff as it is!

Sounds great. Do invite us! We'll behave, promise - and I could bring my sloe gin that's like lighter fuel and is possibly brain-damaging

Noqontrol · 02/08/2012 19:51

It sounds fab. I wouldn't mind bringing my own booze, that way I get to drink what I want at a fraction of the cost.
Can I come please Grin

Bue · 02/08/2012 20:45

No I live here but I'm from Canada. I think the 'rustic chic' wedding is actually pretty new everywhere. At least for most people. It's only those of us brides who live in Wedding Blogland who think this is a 'normal' concept for a wedding! Grin It will be fab!

storminabuttercup · 02/08/2012 21:39

Oh wow!! That sounds amazing! (sorry asked the question then went offline) that sounds exactly what I want.

We are going to a wedding evening do this weekend, and are broke, I've borrowed a dress, it would cost 40 quid on taxis, at least the same again on drinks, dp is going to drive, I hate to think that my friends would have these worries about my wedding.

I want a marquee in a field. Plenty of booze. A massive BBQ\hogroast and then something like pie and peas/bacon butties instead of a evening buffet. An entertainer for the kids. A band at night. Just very informal.

And your dress is stunning.

I just need DP to realise it won't cos us the 15 grand that his mates weddings have cost and maybe he'll finally agree to get married!! Grin

MulberryMoon · 02/08/2012 21:50

Blimey. I think that amount of booze you are providing for free would do me just fine. Grin

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 23:22

Bue I know, everything we're planning feels a bit old hat, but then when we explain our ideas to people they're agog, and I remember not everyone is obsessed au fait with the latest wedding blogs.

Storm that sounds fab. It can be done very cheaply, but we've found that even with the cheapest imaginable marquee and pared back catering, the costs just rocket from nowhere. Venue hire, marquee, event hire (loos, generator, furniture etc) and catering is costing about 7K. But I really want everyone to be comfortable and satisfied and for it to feel like a real wedding.

Everyone's been so sweet on this thread. Luffs you all :)

OP posts:
GlassofRose · 03/08/2012 00:58

I'd much rather have the opportunity to bring my own than pay through the nose for a drink from a bar.

I went to my first pay bar wedding a few weeks back and got charged £6 for a glass of coke... I hate pay bars. Personally I think if I couldn't afford to water and feed my guests I would invite less / change venue etc... but this is your wedding and BYO is certainly more reasonable than asking them to bloody pay like they're at a pub Smile

GlassofRose · 03/08/2012 01:04

Sorry that post sounded quite rude... it was meant to show contempt for the bastards wedding I went to the other week not you Thanks

FartyMcTarty · 03/08/2012 06:08

Our caterers said many weddings they've done have had a similar scenario, and they tend to help

Just check they don't charge a corkage fee!

Gingerodgers · 03/08/2012 07:13

I live in nz and the booze shops rent out trailer fridge type things, don't know if you can get them in uk, but worth googling.best wishes, sounds fab!

golemmings · 03/08/2012 07:41

I think it sounds great.

When we married we provided 3 barrels of locally brewed beer, champagne (couple of glasses pp) and red and white wine (a bottle pp).

Our friends like a drink - we were active members of camra at the time) but I think we finished the wine 6 months later and tapped the third barrel for a party later in the summer.
We had about 100 guests but kids were invited and we had a ceilidh which reduced the number of people getting wasted. Infact, I don't think anyone was particularly pissed but most people were merry and everyone enjoyed it!

OlivesTorchStreak · 03/08/2012 07:54

I think it is a great idea. It sounds to me as though you are already supplying more than enough for everyone and I do like a drink, but if your crowd are heavy drinkers then yes, I think BYO is fine.

Maybe you could pitch it by saying you won't be offended if people want to bring something to drink for later on in the evening. That way it won't come across like they have to bring something, and will just go out to the hardcore drinkers.

Your wedding plans sound fantastic btw. Have a great time.

Chandon · 03/08/2012 08:02

We did more or less what you did.

But we did not do spirits and mixers, just wine and beer and cordial, to keep it simple. most were happy. We bought a bottle of fizz, one white and one red a person (bottles) and 2 casks of beer/ale. My generous PIL contributed massively to the cost of booze though (100 guests, must have been between £1500 and £2000 total !!!)

It worked really well, we had a fair bit left so had another impromptu party the next day :D

have fun

ZillionChocolate · 03/08/2012 08:37

Wedding sounds as gorgeous as the dress looks.

I'd be happy with BYOB. I think for that many guests, you would benefit from some bar staff or from allowing each table (is it working like that?) to manage their own. Maybe ice filled plastic tubs under the table? I think people are less likely to take the piss (bringing cheap, drinking expensive) if they are sat next to/opposite the other contributors.

I borrowed a friend of a friend (sensible teenager) for my wedding for a bit of babysitting. Maybe this would be an option for minding/refilling the booze boat? It may be that your caterers won't mind collecting glasses etc. see what they're willing to do.

Inertia · 03/08/2012 08:37

Your wedding plans sound lovely .

An idea re keeping drinks cool - could you not just borrow from friends and family enough coolboxes for one per table , and put each one under / beside each table ?

ZillionChocolate · 03/08/2012 08:38

PS you seem blogged up, but I haven't seen any mention of OffBeatBride, I'm sure you will have found it though.

Babylon1 · 03/08/2012 08:46

I've not read whole thread, but just for info, we got married 6 years ago and had a marquee in my parents garden.

It was a BYO and this was made clear on invites. We used a local brewery and supplied a couple of barrels of real ale, a local policeman we knew had a contact for wine and we bought 60 ish bottles from him and then some lager and cider from Coors brewery seconds shop. It kept the cost down for us AND for our guests. The majority of our guests then bought with them what they wanted/preferred to drink and because the costs were kept down for them, most of them had taxis both ways so they could enjoy a drink and not worry about the expenses of taxis etc.

Every guest left the booze they bought with them - whatever they didn't drink, and we were still toasting guests with it 18months later Shock

I think you're going the best way tbh, £3 a pint v. 8 pints for a fiver - no contest really and your guests will enjoy your wedding all the more because of it Grin

Have a great day!

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