Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I know how you all love a wedding bar thread. BYO. AIBU?

160 replies

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 13:31

We're having our wedding on a working dairy farm where we've hired a barn and a field. We're bringing everything on site, marquee, toilets generator, the lot.

We're planning to provide a Pimm's/fizzy elderflower drinks reception (2-3 glasses ppn), then red and white wine (just under 1 bottle ppn) to be served with lunch followed by some fizz (2-3 glasses ppn) for the toasts.

We were planning to get an event bar service to come on-site to provide a pay bar for the guests. They've quoted £300 for the staff, supplies and equipment. they would be charging our guests standard bar prices. We decided £300 would be better spent on booze instead, for that we could buy 2 casks of local ales, and a cask of local cider. That works out at about 2-3 pints per person. We'd also buy a selection of large bottles of standard spirits, vodka, gin, rum etc. There would be plenty of mixers and soft drinks, and we'd get some wine on sale or return from Majestics. My BiL is making some homebrew and my bridesmen's nana is giving us this years' batch of elderberry wine. The quantities of these homebrew provisions is anyone's guess.

I don't expect this amount of alcohol to last all night, and my Dad suggested we should just let people know what will be provided and that they can also bring their own if they like. Before we'd even thought about what to do about drinks, When a few of our friends found out about the nature of our wedding, the fact it was a non-standard venue, several said "brilliant, won't have to hide my hip flask" or similar. Our caterers said many weddings they've done have had a similar scenario, and they tend to help organise the collection and service of brought drinks.

I know the idea of BYO to a wedding might be controversial grabby/rude insert MN terminology here and I'm not 100% sure about it. My Dad thinks people would far prefer to spend £10 on 12 bottles of their favourite lager from Tesco beforehand than on two drinks from a pay bar. I don't really think my friends and family would be sneery about it, but our wedding is all about our guests having the best possible time on the budget we have, so I'm trying to work out if this fits in with that philosophy.

I guess we could spend another £300 on more drinks, but that would mean second guessing what people will want to drink, and how much will be drunk. Not to mention spending £300 less on something else, and the majority of the budget is being spent on food and event hire - my dress was 50p from Sue Ryder not really but you know what I mean. We've attended many of our guests weddings before ours and every one has had a standard venue pay bar. Given that we'd originally intended (with no qualms whatsoever - I've read the threads) to provide a standard pay bar for our guests, is providing them with the alcohol options I've outlined reasonable?

:)
Just another thinly veiled excuse to bang on about me' nuptuals really

OP posts:
Spuddybean · 02/08/2012 16:21

oh it's so lovely. I can't wait to get married again. You will look incredible. What colour are your flowers?

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 16:34

That's helpful, thanks, Dizzy :)

I've been known to do that too, Hermione

Spud I'm having may-flowering narcissus as daffodils are my favourite flowers. They're a pale creamy yellow. Along with aqua blue muscari, lily of the valley and bright yellow craspedia . We'll pad it all out with loads of gypsophila, and if I can get it from the wholesalers, pale aqua hydrangea. MiLs doing some hanging baskets of pale yellow pansies. DP's pal runs a prop hire company and he thinks we might be able to borrow some enamel jugs and milk churns to whack it all in and my pal who runs a 50's homeware business is busy collecting aqua glass vessels.

I didn't want the wedding to be too colour matchy, but it's all based on a loose aqua and buttermilk colour scheme.

OP posts:
Spuddybean · 02/08/2012 16:55

it sounds beyond beautiful, what a lovely colour scheme, very natural and romantic. I wish you lots of luck and love. :)

Bue · 02/08/2012 17:24

Am I the only one who is confused here... by my calculation you are providing 12 drinks per person (3 pre-meal, bottle of wine at dinner, 3 post-meal, 2-3 pints in evening... not to mention all the spirits) and you think you need MORE alcohol?!?!

Only in Britain!!!

Trills · 02/08/2012 17:27

Definitely not only in Britain, you should have seen the amount of booze at the Spanish wedding I went to (including a full trolley of liquers and whiskeys at the end of the meal)

Bue · 02/08/2012 17:32

Yes I think I'm forgetting that British weddings go on all day... and all night... and the subsequent booze required.

My wedding is across the pond, similar sort of wedding to Vivi's, but my caterer said plan 7 alcoholic drinks per person, and I know there's no way we'll drink more than that! Then again the party part only lasts about 6.5 hours. Even so, I would actually be asleep on a hay bale by the time I had drunk 12 drinks starting in the afternoon Grin

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 17:32

I know, Bue. I'd be out of my tiny mind on just the Pimm's, wine and bubbly alone. But it's astounding what people can put away.

In the summer we had about 40 to a garden party. The paddling pool was full to the brim with booze and there was nothing but a mangy half-bottle of readymix cosmopolitan left in the morning.

Worst case scenario, we're only 10 mins from a Tesco Extra.

OP posts:
Spuddybean · 02/08/2012 17:33

If i was at an all day wedding i would have more than 12 drinks. That's only one an hour! Better to have too much than too little.

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 17:35

Me too Bue Grin

We're planning on the party part from about 8pm, but unless I get this playlist seriously edited down, we'll still be at it by midday the following day....

OP posts:
lisaro · 02/08/2012 17:40

You're already supplying a very generous amount of drink. Just word it so people know it's been considered and found to be preferable to a pay bar for when your stuff has gone.
Just beware some people will bring 2 cans of Morrisons own cheapest lager ! 3p/can, and drink all the Moet.

HerRoyalNotness · 02/08/2012 17:42

It all sounds soooooo beautiful, family spun and very etsy (you should totally submit story to them about it)! Hoping you'll share pics with us after the event.

jojane · 02/08/2012 17:52

Our wedding was similar, w hired holiday cottages and had the reception in the adjoining meadow. We did byo, provided lots f wine, beer and made a giant punch etc, we actually ended up takin more home than we bought, especially as my dad bought loads over fom Germany in his van!!!
We only had about £40 people at our and it was close family and friends so nobody got there linker in a twist about it and just had a good time

Sonaive · 02/08/2012 17:57

I'd rather take a few bottles of what DH and I like than be charged £10 for two drinks.

It's the bit about weddings I dont like, I dont mind getting dressed up and travelling etc, But I do object to being ripped off by the venue.

LineRunnerSpartanNaked · 02/08/2012 18:05

I think it all sounds bloody brilliant. Smile

The wording needs to reflect the fact that you will be absolutely awash with alcohol, but won't mind people bringing extra if they have a favourite tipple not on the list or are worried that they might not get absolutely hammered into unconsciousness with what's available.

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 18:07

Our photographer's weddings are usually published in the bridal mags, HerRoyalNotness so there's a good chance ours could feature. No doubt I'll be banging on all over MN about it if they do.

(I didn't book her because of that, but because I wanted world-class photos of the event side of the day in case I do end up getting the venue off the ground as a business)

OP posts:
ViviPru · 02/08/2012 18:09

LR, How about we word it thus:

"The day will be absolutely awash with alcohol, but we won't mind people bringing extra if they have a favourite tipple not on the list or are worried that they might not get absolutely hammered into unconsciousness with what's available."

Grin
OP posts:
ChaoticismyLife · 02/08/2012 18:12

Vivi the more I hear about your wedding the lovelier it sounds :)

Unless I mix it with lemonade to make shandy, I can only drink about half a pint of lager/beer. I'm fussy about wine and, again, can only drink so much before I start to feel physically sick, sorry tmi. I could drink a couple of glasses of wine, plus the fizz for toasting, at the meal but couldn't drink it all night. Consequently, I tend to stick to spirits when drinking and I'd much rather bring my own, I'd happily bring the mixers too, than spend a fortune at a bar.

ChaoticismyLife · 02/08/2012 18:13

"The day will be absolutely awash with alcohol, but we won't mind people bringing extra if they have a favourite tipple not on the list or are worried that they might not get absolutely hammered into unconsciousness with what's available."

That would work for me WinkGrin

Bue · 02/08/2012 18:13

Ooh Vivi, who's your photographer? Marianne Taylor? Eliza Claire? Do you also frequent LMD or RMW? I'm sure I've seen your name over there!

Haha, love the wording. Not the classiest perhaps, but very amusing!

LineRunnerSpartanNaked · 02/08/2012 18:17

I knew I had hidden wedding planner talents.

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 18:17

Thanks Chaotic :). I do worry I sound like I'm having a massive big look at me boast-up. Truth is, I work from home alone and don't have a soul to bounce thongs off during the day so I really value everyones input and the chance to throw my ideas around on here.

I need to just make sure I don't get wasted on a Friday drunk thread and give you all the address and date. DP already takes the piss about me talking to my imaginary friends on the internets all day.

OP posts:
ViviPru · 02/08/2012 18:22

Bue - yeah I'm often on LMD. I use my real name on RMW though.

I really like Eliza Claire, but we're having Chloe Browne, she's based in London. Her photography is incredible and she's a gorgeous person. I know she's be really unobtrusive on the day.

OP posts:
everybodysang · 02/08/2012 18:25

Oh my. This sounds like the best wedding EVER.

ChaoticismyLife · 02/08/2012 18:27

Well if you did we could prove to him we're not imaginary Grin

I love wedding threads. I love hearing other people's ideas and yours sounds especially lovely, it sounds lovely and relaxed with lots of fun stuff going on. I still smile when I think of your wellies matching your ring, that appeals to my sense of aesthetics

ViviPru · 02/08/2012 18:28

Erm... bounce things... not thongs. That would be most inappropriate.

Blush
OP posts: