To tell my DP things friends tell me?

[CharlieMouseWillDoIt]

One of my closest friends told me that her and her DP are going to start trying for another baby soon. She didn't tell me not to tell anyone, but it obviously was implicit that I wasn't going to start shouting it from the rooftops. I did, however, tell my DP.

This got me thinking - my husband and I tell each other pretty much everything, including things our friends say and do. DP and I keep what we say between ourselves and don't spread gossip between friends.

Are we being unreasonable??

YANBU.

My dh and I do this all the time.

Only if DH is a tabloid reporter and your mate is famous.

I think it has certain boundaries. I do tell things to DH but some things would trouble him or cause concern if they did get out.

I count me and dh as one so yes we tell BUT he can be a bit of a prat and forget something is a secret so have to remind him to keep to self..

Hard life.

Entirely normal.

YANBU. I think it's an unspoken agreement that an established couple would talk to each other in that way. So, unless she specified you were not to tell DP, I think you're OK.

Actually I think YABU. You said yourself it was implicit that you should keep it quiet. I share my thoughts with my husband, but I do not share other people's privacy.

I have been the friend who has confided, asked my friend to tell nobody and then found out her DH knew.

It was very, very personal and I was devastated she had told her DH.

Run of the mill stuff, no problem. Divulging sensitive information, not on IMHO.

If you are told something in confidence then you should respect their wishes.

Imagine if the tables were turned, how would you feel?

How would they find out that you had told your dh though?

Unless hes a twat and can't keep a secret, in which case, no you don't tell him anything.

I would tell my DH (and assume my married friends would tell their DHs).

The only problem comes if the DH can't be discrete and keep the knowledge to himself. Fortunately I didn't marry a man like that.

I wouldn't assume that a friend was telling her husband. Have on occasions been shocked and hurt that husbands knew something I told in confidence.

Agree with Whereyouleftit and Coulditbetrue. Stuff my friends tell me generally don't concern my DH, I love him dearly but we are not 'one', and actually I make a point of not telling him stuff friends tell me, if it's in any sense of a personal nature, because if it doesn't concern him it's just gossip. I'd treat other friends in the same way, ie if one friend tells me something personal I don't pass it on.

There have been the odd exceptions but where there are I generally either check with the friend first or allude to it in as brief and non- descript way as I can.

I'm a bit agog that you think it's so usual to tell. I feel tell your husband your secrets but not mine.

I mean aghast don't I? Not agog.

Ah, but Bonkey, it's not really a case of it doesn't matter if they don't find out, though, is it?

YANBU I tell DP everything

I wouldn't tell.

If they wanted him to know, they would tell him themselves.
It's not even about whether he would tell others; she just might not want him to know that about her.
YABU unless you specifically ask her.

I tell dh everything too.

In my circle of friends, 5 of us been close since school, it works that way to really, you tell one you are telling all!

Dawe it is exactly that. I talk to my DH about stuff so that I can have a sounding board, this makes me a better friend and stops me getting so close I give crap advice.

My friends would never 'know' DH knew so they would never be hurt.

Although, I genuinely dont think I know anyone who wouldn't assume that if you tell one half of a married couple something the other one will probably know as well.

What about if said friend told you something, in confidence, that you needed to speak to someone about for one reason or another. Maybe you were worried or were just curious about another opinion.

I have had times when I have really found dh's input helpful.

I am another who would automatically assume that there is a possibility that if I told a close friend something then her dh may know. Unless I had specifically told her not to tell him, thats different!

The Ops friend did not say 'Don't tell your dh' in this incidence.

I'm glad to have found this thread. I now know that telling my friends things mean their husband knows too. For someone who is relatively private and only discloses to some people, it's a timely warning. Thank you.

"The Ops friend did not say 'Don't tell your dh' in this incidence."
I don't say this to my friends either, but that's because it's, to me, a given - I expect them to respect my confidences to them.

When I said it was implicit I just kind of meant that it's not the sort of thing that you go around telling all-and-sundry (and I obviously don't count my DP as "all and sundry"!)

If one my friends told me something very, very personal and made it clear that it was absolutely to go no further then I would respect their privacy and not tell DP.

I'm glad I'm not the only one and I am aware that if DP and I share things between ourselves, then my friend's DP's know stuff about me too!

Some things I share, only minor things, but if I'm told not to tell anyone, that means anyone.

I know of an incident where friend A confided in friend B.

Friend B told her husband.

Some weeks later while out and about Husband A & Husband B bumped into each other at a pub. They only knew each other through their wives so weren't exactly friends. They shared a few drinks, Husband B went to discuss the secret with Husband A assuming he knew. He didn't. It caused a massive incident within both relationships and Friend A & B are no longer friends, I think enemies is a more accurate description of their current relationship.

Ummm, YABU.

All this 'me and my husband are one' stuff doesn't apply if you've been told something in confidence. To be honest, it sounds like an excuse to gossip.

I'd be pissed off if something I'd confided of a personal or sensitive nature had been shared with someone's husband or partner.