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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lock DH out tonight and consider asking him to move out permanently

694 replies

binrel · 30/07/2012 20:42

This afternoon me and the dds and my brother who is visiting because he is on holiday from university were in the garden just playing football. DH came home early from work and he was clearly already in a bad mood and joined in. My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him. He then gave the ball to dd, the next time he got the ball DH charged towards him and leapt off the ground before tackling him. DH's feet went into my brothers leg just above the ankle and my brother's ankle bent in a horrible looking way.

My brother's was in agony on the floor and DH got up and shouted there you go you little twat before storming off into the car and away. I had to call an ambulance as my brother was in so much pain, the dds were also very distressed (they adore my brother). He got taken to hospital and he has suffered partial tear to his ankle ligaments. It's going to take 2-3 months for him to recover. I'm so furious with him for what he has done and the way that he charged over to him with such malice and viscousness, it was obviously not an accident. He went without his house keys I feel like locking the door so he can't come in tonight and I'm really questioning our relationship after this. He has deliberately hurt my brother who I love and so do the dds and they were both hysterical after it. Also we can't afford to go on holiday this year I thought having him stay for 10 days would at least give them something to look forward to this summer and he's done this.

OP posts:
Clytaemnestra · 30/07/2012 21:35

Does your brother wind up your DH a lot, is that why they don't get on? It sounds like your brother was deliberately trying to make your DH look like a prat, it wasn't just gentle ribbing.

I'm not excusing violence, it is NEVER acceptable to hurt someone else deliberately. But if your DB often needles your DH (and is the family baby so you all let him get away with it?) then it might go some way to explaining why your DH exploded if he isn't usually an abusive violent man. Not an excuse, but could be worked through if he is prepared to apologise and talk it through.

If this is a pattern of general behaviour with your DH though, and you are nervous around him, leave him.

Socknickingpixie · 30/07/2012 21:35

they will because it was a parent in front of the children who reside in the house.providing it is obvious the action was intentional violence.

if you obtain the order then you are acting compleatly within the law.(but please keep in mind im extreamly harsh towards any person who is violent infront of children and would have no issue chucking a husband for less)

worra does the op read to you as a football tackle gone wrong or a persons leg jumped on with both feet whilst pretending to tackle? i dont know about you but i have seen people arrested for being twats like this during those silly sunday football matches that some men seam to enjoy.

tiggytape · 30/07/2012 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lucyellensmum99 · 30/07/2012 21:36

fertle are you joking???? it may be obvious that it might be uncomfortable, but for him to physically assault him? good lord, i dread to think what your reality is like - are you actually saying the OP is to blame??

WorraLiberty · 30/07/2012 21:39

worra does the op read to you as a football tackle gone wrong or a persons leg jumped on with both feet whilst pretending to tackle? i dont know about you but i have seen people arrested for being twats like this during those silly sunday football matches that some men seam to enjoy

No of course it doesn't read like that...but to the Police it's sure as hell going to sound like that.

Rather than spend hours trying to get an order out against the DH, I'm quite sure they'd put it down to an unfortunate incident and tell the OP's brother to stay with her Mum.

Socknickingpixie · 30/07/2012 21:40

fertle
so would you be violent in that way towards a person you didnt like? if a person in your company who didnt like you was violent towards you would you blame the person who invited them?

AGiraffeOnTheDivingBoard · 30/07/2012 21:40

Fertle - I think that's a bit of a mean dig. I can completely understand why OP would invite a beloved uncle to come and entertain DDs during the summer holidays. And also why she's expect the other grown up in the house behave like an adult.

19 year old boys can be annoying - doesn't justify trying to smash their ankles in.

blondieminx · 30/07/2012 21:41

What nasty thuggish behaviour, and a dreadful example to be setting in front of your children.

Has your DH ever been violent before?

I tore my ankle ligaments when I fell over last February. It took 8 sessions of physio and a steroid injection to get it all to settle. Wishing your DBro a speedy recovery.

AGiraffeOnTheDivingBoard · 30/07/2012 21:42

Sorry typos - got one eye on the gymnastics.....

DozyDuck · 30/07/2012 21:42

Tbh the goading does sound like normal 19 year old boy stuff, he was showing off and probably does that with his mates.

I have joined in with lads playing football when I was younger (useless) and I was 'goaded' like that.

I laughed.

mynewpassion · 30/07/2012 21:42

Did you say that your brother kicked your DH between the legs?

Your DH was a bit rough but another man kicking a man between the legs during a football game is not on either.

frertle · 30/07/2012 21:43

I wasn't trying to justify his behaviour, I just think it was a strange thing to do.

Xales · 30/07/2012 21:44

I read that as kicking the ball between his open legs not kicking him.

Original poster
binrel · 30/07/2012 21:45

He kicked the ball between his legs, not kicked him between his legs.

OP posts:
Socknickingpixie · 30/07/2012 21:46

thing is its not just about the brother and where he is. granted brother is only 19 but hes a grown up i would be more concerned about how the children may be. if my kids watched a parent do something like that then call the uncle names and drive off,they would probally be very upset and confused and quite possibly frightoned.

for some reason this reminds me of a bloke i knew who would yell "dont oww no, stop hitting me" whilst beating the crap out of other people because he thought by yelling that it would give him a legit defense and make him able to claim self defense

but im also thinking we should send fertle round with a bat just incase

HeathRobinson · 30/07/2012 21:47

I think there's fault on both sides.

littlebluechair · 30/07/2012 21:49

Heath there may be fault on both sides, but nothing - nothing - excuses deliberate violence. If you lightly teased a friend and they smacked you in the face, the law would not consider that a reasonable response.

BoneyBackJefferson · 30/07/2012 21:50

I would think long and hard about the time your DB has been in the house.

My B is a master at goading people and winding people up, so much so that I spend as little time at all with him or his family.

Your DH may have over reacted but what you consider to be good humoured fun may not be for your DH who would be at the centre of it.

tiggytape · 30/07/2012 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mynewpassion · 30/07/2012 21:53

Understood. Kick balls between the legs. Not DH's balls. Ok.

Agree fault on both sides, including the OPs, but it went too far. Cooling off period is needed so its best that DH doesn't come home tonight. However, I think he needs to talk to the DDs and reassure them that he is sorry and that he shouldn't have been rough with their uncle.

Not sure why you agreed to let your brother stay when you clearly know that your DH doesn't like him. It might be a holiday gift for your DDs but seems like hell on earth for your DH and it resulted in DBro being injured.

Aftereightsaremine · 30/07/2012 21:54

19 year old are pita. Your 'd'hs behaviour is unforgivable.

colette · 30/07/2012 21:55

I think BoneyBackJefferson has possibly picked up on something .
Has dh ever done anything like this before ? If not then he should have the chance to explain.. by the time he has calmed down he should be horrified at what he has done.

HeathRobinson · 30/07/2012 21:55

Well none of us save the op, know the op's brother and his 'goading' and how bad it is. One definition of goading is 'provoke or annoy (someone) so as to stimulate some action or reaction'. I guess the brother got his reaction.

How have things been generally, op? Was your brother making an effort to get on with dh, and vice versa?

VicarGoingForGoldInKungFu · 30/07/2012 21:55

from a police point of view they wont take a third party report. if your brother wants to complain regards assault then it will have to come from him and him alone.

it would, potentially, put you in a horribly difficult situation if you witnessed it - you would be asked if you are willing to give a statement that would be used against your DH.

i think your family dynamics are going to be shot after this anyway - your DH was clearly at fault in this.

that level of aggression was totally uncalled for, and its left you in the middle. i would ask him to stay away until you have a think.

littlebluechair · 30/07/2012 21:56

Argh, if you people don't stop finding excuses for the OP's husband's decision to physically assault someone I am going to kick all your heads in...

Seriously, I hate most of my family and they really drive me crazy. I managed to live for 22 years under their roof without hitting ANYONE! If this man really doesn't like the brother, he bloody well explains that and stays out of his way.

Why do people excuse violence all the time? Pisses me right off.

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