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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lock DH out tonight and consider asking him to move out permanently

694 replies

binrel · 30/07/2012 20:42

This afternoon me and the dds and my brother who is visiting because he is on holiday from university were in the garden just playing football. DH came home early from work and he was clearly already in a bad mood and joined in. My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him. He then gave the ball to dd, the next time he got the ball DH charged towards him and leapt off the ground before tackling him. DH's feet went into my brothers leg just above the ankle and my brother's ankle bent in a horrible looking way.

My brother's was in agony on the floor and DH got up and shouted there you go you little twat before storming off into the car and away. I had to call an ambulance as my brother was in so much pain, the dds were also very distressed (they adore my brother). He got taken to hospital and he has suffered partial tear to his ankle ligaments. It's going to take 2-3 months for him to recover. I'm so furious with him for what he has done and the way that he charged over to him with such malice and viscousness, it was obviously not an accident. He went without his house keys I feel like locking the door so he can't come in tonight and I'm really questioning our relationship after this. He has deliberately hurt my brother who I love and so do the dds and they were both hysterical after it. Also we can't afford to go on holiday this year I thought having him stay for 10 days would at least give them something to look forward to this summer and he's done this.

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 30/07/2012 20:56

YANBU

SnapesOnAPlane · 30/07/2012 20:57

YABU to lock him out.
He behaved horribly, he should have apologised for hurting your brother and helped him up - but is your brother innocent in this? How much goading actually occurred, and was it reasonable banter or purely to wind him up?
Either way it was out of order for your DH to intentionally injur him, but it's not a lock-him-out and never let him back in situation, imo.
Your DH was out of line, it'd be even more out of line to change the locks as a previous poster suggested.

Original poster
binrel · 30/07/2012 20:57

I doubt my brother will want to involve the police.

Ghostship- He's a student although he does work in a bar for a few hours a week which he won't be able to do as he needs to keep his weight off it.

OP posts:
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 30/07/2012 20:57

I don't think I'd phone the police in your position, but I would fully support my brother if he wanted to.

I don't even know how you would even begin to try and forgive him for doing something as nasty and vicious as that to someone you love, especially in front of the dc.

Ligament injuries are incredibly painful and are not easy to recover from. If your db is going to heal well, he will need lots of physio, which will hurt. Your dh needs to be paying for that because your brother is unlikely to get a decent amount of physio on the NHS.

foxinsocks · 30/07/2012 20:57

How awful :(

solidgoldbrass · 30/07/2012 20:57

Technically it's up to your brother to decide whether or not to involve the police, he's the one who's been assaulted. However, make sure your brother knows that you will support him if he does want to make a complaint about your shitbag H - he might be reluctant to do so for your sake.

As to locking H out of the house, do you think he will have calmed down by the time he gets home? Or do you think there is a risk that he will still be in a bad temper: what you really don't want is him smashing his way in and attacking you or the DC. If you think he will come home full of aggression then you should probably have a word with the police on your own account and say that your partner stormed off in a rage and you are scared that you and the children might be in danger; they will log it and therefore respond quickly if this does happen and you need to call them.

Has your H been violent before, either to you or to other people? You say in your OP that you 'could tell he was in a bad mood' which suggests that he is in the habit of being at least verbally abusive when something bothers him. I would be throwing such a man out and insisting he got some help before he was allowed back, and that the help=getting process would have to be witnessed and take several months (not waa, waa, I'm sorry darling, I'll see a doctor, and no consequences for him).

Socknickingpixie · 30/07/2012 20:58

i just phoned my dad (high up police chap) if you make it clear that itwas intentional and using the tackle was an oppertunity to intentionally cause injury they should deal with it

Noqontrol · 30/07/2012 20:59

I would find it very hard to forgive someone for doing that. Look after yourself op, I hope you are ok.

DozyDuck · 30/07/2012 20:59

Don't have much to add except I'd leave if someone was that aggressive in front of DS Sad

msrisotto · 30/07/2012 20:59

Leave the bastard.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 30/07/2012 21:00

If the police won't deal with it, your brother would probably have a good civil case against your dh.

PorkyandBess · 30/07/2012 21:00

Gosh, how awful. I would be tempted to lock him out too, not sure if police is ott.

Is this completely out of character for him? He has shown you what he is capable of, hard to recover from this.

JumpingThroughHoops · 30/07/2012 21:00

Well lets have reality check here. Who has their name on the deeds?

Noi one can be throwing any one out if it's co-owned.

Olympia2012 · 30/07/2012 21:00

Has your brother been discharged?where will he stay now?

lisad123 · 30/07/2012 21:01

I seriously wouldn't want a man like that around the children, while he is still angry. Your poor brother Sad

Original poster
binrel · 30/07/2012 21:02

He's been discharged and he's in the spare room just lying down as they've pumped him full of painkillers.

OP posts:
IvanaNap · 30/07/2012 21:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

Original poster
binrel · 30/07/2012 21:03

We are both on the tenency agreement

OP posts:
Original poster
binrel · 30/07/2012 21:03

DH has never been violent before

OP posts:
JumpingThroughHoops · 30/07/2012 21:04

Well there you go - you cant decide to change locks, evict him, lock him out.

So on that basis YABU

complexnumber · 30/07/2012 21:05

Poor brother!

Is there any chance DP was 'just' trying to be a bit macho with your brother, and is now too male and embarrassed to come back and admit his major error?

McHappyPants2012 · 30/07/2012 21:05

can you legally lock him out of the house.

i think taking side like this is childish, your brother is also at fault here aswell My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him

strugglingwiththepreteenbit · 30/07/2012 21:05

Sounds like he's got a nasty temper. Does he generally react badly to being teased? Is that something your brother could have been expected to anticipate?

How is your brother doing? Does he want to involve the police? Is he still at your house? For now, how does he feel about the likelyhood if your husband returning? Also, you're husbad referred to your brother as "little" is he still a child who you need to protect and/or consult your parents about the incident?

If you/the rest of your household need protecting from an adult with a nasty temper you need to involve the police.

Noqontrol · 30/07/2012 21:06

Maybe not jumping but faced with that situation, i'd probably do it anyway.

littlebluechair · 30/07/2012 21:06

I'd tell him to find somewhere else to stay, this is a serious thing he's done, as it is such a violent response - pushing your brother or getting a bit stroppy would be bad enough but a deliberate dangerous tackle is unforgivable.

So sorry this has happened to you all, must be very upsetting for you.