Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lock DH out tonight and consider asking him to move out permanently

694 replies

binrel · 30/07/2012 20:42

This afternoon me and the dds and my brother who is visiting because he is on holiday from university were in the garden just playing football. DH came home early from work and he was clearly already in a bad mood and joined in. My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him. He then gave the ball to dd, the next time he got the ball DH charged towards him and leapt off the ground before tackling him. DH's feet went into my brothers leg just above the ankle and my brother's ankle bent in a horrible looking way.

My brother's was in agony on the floor and DH got up and shouted there you go you little twat before storming off into the car and away. I had to call an ambulance as my brother was in so much pain, the dds were also very distressed (they adore my brother). He got taken to hospital and he has suffered partial tear to his ankle ligaments. It's going to take 2-3 months for him to recover. I'm so furious with him for what he has done and the way that he charged over to him with such malice and viscousness, it was obviously not an accident. He went without his house keys I feel like locking the door so he can't come in tonight and I'm really questioning our relationship after this. He has deliberately hurt my brother who I love and so do the dds and they were both hysterical after it. Also we can't afford to go on holiday this year I thought having him stay for 10 days would at least give them something to look forward to this summer and he's done this.

OP posts:
YouOldSlag · 30/07/2012 21:15

Your DH was totally wrong to do this and the only way you could stay married to him is if he gave your brother a grovelling apology and realised that if he did it one more time, that would be the end. That's IF you can forgive him. This is a first offence though and you have children with him. He also needs to talk to the children and explain that he was wrong and he is ashamed. He needs to build a very big bridge with your brother too, and you.

However, how did your DH feel about your brother staying for 10 days? Why was your brother goading him when he knew he had just come in from work and would be tired? Not saying your DH was right in anyway at all, but what's the background? My DH hates being goaded or mocked. He's never been violent though, but it can really piss him off.

No excuse for violence though.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/07/2012 21:15

It not the tackle but the reaction after it that really bothers me. He clearly had completely lost it and thinks that what he did was justified in the heat of the moment.

Most professional footballers do not tackle another player so hard that they end up in hospital after the tackle so I really don't think it it fair comparison.

It was a situation where he could have walked away if he was getting wound up but instead he chose to lash out. He needs to work on his stress management and I would want to see some of that work done before you considered having him back.

lambethlil · 30/07/2012 21:17

The twat calling and driving off exacerbates it IMO. If he'd done it, pulled himself up, apologised and taken db to A&E it could perhaps be excused as a mad moment, but this- unacceptable.

OP what's your extended family situation? Any chance of taking dbro back to your parents and not rushing back?

littlebluechair · 30/07/2012 21:17

binrel yes explaining will be hard but remember you have done nothing wrong so there is no shame on you. This could have longlasting impact on family relations I imagine.

Have you heard from your dh yet?

bushymcbush · 30/07/2012 21:19

That's terrible behaviour. I would be locking him out. Does your DH know the damage he's done yet?

What are you going to do OP?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 30/07/2012 21:19

That sounds like a good idea Socknic, OP has to do something to keep him out until the brother can cope with seeing him.

Binrel, do you have any idea when your dh is likely to come back?

Noqontrol · 30/07/2012 21:19

binrel just tell the truth. I know its damn hard, but none of this is your fault.

Viviennemary · 30/07/2012 21:20

Just wondering. Do your brother and your DH have a history of not getting on. And did your DH agree to him staying for 10 days. Sounds as if there could be more to this than just this one incident.

Clytaemnestra · 30/07/2012 21:20

Do you think your DH knows how badly he injured your DB? In the heat of the moment he might have just thought he had knocked him over.

Is there any history between your DH and DB which would exacerbate this?

thebody · 30/07/2012 21:22

This could smash up your family leaving you in the middle op.

As for goading,, he's 19 ffs (the brother)a grown man ( the dh)with kids should be ableto take a kid teasing him without acting like this.

Op I imagine your parents will be livid, and may well persuade your db to call the police.

So very sorry for you.

nutellaontoast · 30/07/2012 21:22

Of course you're under no obligation to live with him, no matter whose name is on the tenacy agreement. If you want to tell him to sleep somewhere else tonight you bloody well do so.

Is he often "in a mood"? Do you and the kids have to modify your behaviour and stay out of his way so as not to provoke him?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 30/07/2012 21:22

The dh must have some idea of how much damage he did, the brother would have been in agony instantly.

Original poster
binrel · 30/07/2012 21:23

My extended family situation is that I have my parents and sister, he also has a girlfriend from uni. I have no idea what I'm going to do with him now as I'd feel terrible about just taking him back home and dumping him on my parents.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 30/07/2012 21:23

You can't legally lock him out of his own home

The police...if you go with Socknickingpixie's idea of using the 'assault in the home' procedure to gain an order are hardly likely to do that over a football tackle on a visiting member of the family.

He's a twat OP but stay within the law here or you'll make it 10 times worse.

AGiraffeOnTheDivingBoard · 30/07/2012 21:25

Have you told DH what he hospital said and how upset the DCs have been?

Personally I wouldn't tell the police at this stage - very hard to come back from that and at this stage DB & DH might even be able to resolve this horrible situation themselves? As for you and DH - I really feel for you - I'd hate to see my DH and DB even argue.

Original poster
binrel · 30/07/2012 21:28

DH and my brother have never really got on that well and I probably shouldn't have invited him for so such a long period but he has only been here since Saturday and I thought it would be good for the dds as we're not going on holiday.

OP posts:
Xales · 30/07/2012 21:28

If you feel you need to, then ask him to stay away for a few days as you both need space.

If this were my DS then as a parent I would be really hard pressed to ever welcome this man into my house again unless there was some massive meaningful apologies and acceptance that I had done wrong. If you H carries on with this attitude he has then he would not be welcome.

You are going to be stuck between a rock and hard place OP Sad

Does he often come home and you know instantly that he is in a bad mood due to work? How does he behave then?

Good luck

Original poster
binrel · 30/07/2012 21:29

I've just text DH telling him the situation and asking him not to come home.

OP posts:
Noqontrol · 30/07/2012 21:29

Its still not an excuse binrel, it really isn't.

missnevermind · 30/07/2012 21:29

Text DH. Tell him you had to phone an ambulance for DB and the docs have told him he is out of action for 3 months. Just tell him the facts - no emotions or shouting.

If he doesnt respond follow it up with another text telling him to stay elsewhere tonight - if that is what YOU want.

DozyDuck · 30/07/2012 21:29

Does your DH know what the hospital said?

Have you spoken to your DH?

When is he due home?

DozyDuck · 30/07/2012 21:30

X post then sorry Sad what did he say

missnevermind · 30/07/2012 21:31

Ssorry slow typing.

frertle · 30/07/2012 21:32

Why did you invite a person your husband doesn't even like to stay for 10 days? Surely it would be obvious that incident may occur.

DozyDuck · 30/07/2012 21:34

Frertle if I didn't like someone I would suck it up (maybe sulk a bit) or if it was that bad take myself away for a few days. Not physically hurt them.

Swipe left for the next trending thread