Just wanted to add, that people are literally reading only what the OP has said. The recent posts, to me, read like she is actually gob smacked and in shock. Trying to just quickly update but keeping it minimum. She is in shock, and probably isn't exactly telling us how it is. Like the wine and the takeaway, people are even jumping to conclusions about it being a Chinese for heavens sake. It could be that he called, found out she hadn't ate with all of what has been happening, so decided to bring some food on the way home to make her eat. The wine, well, I don't know on that one. But just because there was takeaway and wine, does not make it cosy. And it does not mean that she is allowing him to sweep it under the rug. And also about the apology, remember that the DB does live quite a while away. He has tried calling him, but got no answer. He has work and is already in trouble with them enough as it is and there is one thing I disagree with. Paying the DB basically compensation for lost earnings/private physiotherapy should not come first before putting food in his wifes and childrens stomach and keeping a roof over their head. He should however stop anything he may partake in that he enjoys to pay DB, but if he actually doesn't have much, if any disposable income, you can't expect the wife or children to suffer. And that includes a loan, as the loan still needs to be paid. Maybe an offer once they are back on their feet would be a good gesture though. Some gesture does need to be made.
I do think some of the comments are harsh. It is almost like telling her she is a mug and should expect to be his next victim. When she is already in shock, and probably has no clue what to think right now whilst also having to concentrate on two daughters, the last thing she needs to feel like is a mug.
It is a very sensitive subject, and still very raw to the OP. There are different ways to being supportive yet honest than being so sharp and abrupt. It might end up tipping the OP over the edge herself. I know how close I have been in the past with certain, very stressful times and reading stuff like this I feel would of been enough to send me doolally.
Just please ladies, be careful with how you say things. I do agree with most, violence can never be excused. Never. I don't even tolerate threats of violence by anyone to anyone else. I have no room for it in my life. But everybody is different, and people can "snap". I suppose it depends on how it is dealt with after that matters, but I don't think right now we should read too much into the OP's post. Her head is probably spinning so fast she can't even process the whole thing properly herself, nevermind explain to a whole forum.