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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lock DH out tonight and consider asking him to move out permanently

694 replies

binrel · 30/07/2012 20:42

This afternoon me and the dds and my brother who is visiting because he is on holiday from university were in the garden just playing football. DH came home early from work and he was clearly already in a bad mood and joined in. My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him. He then gave the ball to dd, the next time he got the ball DH charged towards him and leapt off the ground before tackling him. DH's feet went into my brothers leg just above the ankle and my brother's ankle bent in a horrible looking way.

My brother's was in agony on the floor and DH got up and shouted there you go you little twat before storming off into the car and away. I had to call an ambulance as my brother was in so much pain, the dds were also very distressed (they adore my brother). He got taken to hospital and he has suffered partial tear to his ankle ligaments. It's going to take 2-3 months for him to recover. I'm so furious with him for what he has done and the way that he charged over to him with such malice and viscousness, it was obviously not an accident. He went without his house keys I feel like locking the door so he can't come in tonight and I'm really questioning our relationship after this. He has deliberately hurt my brother who I love and so do the dds and they were both hysterical after it. Also we can't afford to go on holiday this year I thought having him stay for 10 days would at least give them something to look forward to this summer and he's done this.

OP posts:
VicarGoingForGoldInKungFu · 01/08/2012 20:53

actually it does, boney

OP your husband is an arse. i would also tell him where to shove his apology.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 01/08/2012 20:54

Sounds normal to me Boney.

GoldenFucker · 01/08/2012 20:56

why would the injured bloke go back to the hospital ?

he's been told what is wrong with him, and will have been advised appropriately

there isn't any more reason to go back to the hospital until his follow up appt which is likely to be in 2-4 weeks

BoneyBackJefferson · 01/08/2012 20:57

vicar

If he is in that much pain then another hospital visit or at least a visit from/to the GP for better pain meds should be in order.

edam · 01/08/2012 20:58

Hope you are somehow managing to cope with all this, binrel. Horrible, horrible situation to be in. Your brother's girlfriend has every right to be angry - so do you. With your dh.

dryu · 01/08/2012 20:58

Why does it not smell right? Confused

He will probably have been told to keep the weight off it until he has been seen by another doctor who will then assess what treatment he needs. The fact this will be under a different health authority to the one which the injury occurred proably means that there will be bundles of bureaucracy to cut through before he sees someone if my ecxperience of the NHS is anything to go by. In the meantime moving around without any assistance will be very difficult indeed.

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 01/08/2012 20:58

LJ:

I have stated over and over I am concerned for her and her DC. I have never blamed her.

Constructive advice does not necessarily consist of saying everything will be okay., and her husband just made a little mistake because of work. Everything won't be okay. The only advice we can give is how to approach her family with emotions running high.

I don't think it's unreasonable for people to be commenting on the...(Tries to think of 'constructive' word) abhorrentness of this situation. It's pretty horrible and it's natural to feel a bit sickened.

If DB is in this much pain and his girlfriend is so justifiably angry, maybe your husband going to apologise when he's in bed with a wee jug might make him feel more degraded? Perhaps your husband should call and arrange to see him when he's able to get out of bed?

I don't know. Seems a very difficult situation, someone is going to lose a relationship somewhere along the line. :(

If your DB is in that much pain, he really needs to go back to hospital for pain relief. Anyway you can suggest that to the GF? Or is she too upset?

pictish · 01/08/2012 20:59

I agree LJ29

This thread is awful. I think the OP is in a terrible position, I don't envy her one bit...and doubt the mass condemnation she is getting (based on a handful of brief posts) is helping her state of mind at all.

Some of you care far more for baying for the dh's blood than you care about what the OP is going through. You have become increasingly insistent that your 'advice' be adhered to, and aggressive about it as well, making out like the OP doesn't understand the gravity of what her dh has done.

Here's a tip - she knows. She was there. No wind your necks in and show some respect.

GoldenFucker · 01/08/2012 20:59

he will have been given pain meds

he will have been warned about the pain, and the mobility problems

it's par for the course with serious ankle ligament injuries

he needs to rest, and heal

you are talking daft, BBJ, and I wonder why you are trying to cast aspersions on how injured he really is

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 01/08/2012 21:00

Just realised they will have discharged him with painkillers. Blush Forgive me, it's late (early?) here!

VicarGoingForGoldInKungFu · 01/08/2012 21:00

boney im afraid you are wrong on this - i broke my coccyx last year - i knew what was wrong yet it still had me almost bed ridden for 6 weeks.....there was nothing the medics could do for me so repeat visits to hospital would have been a waste of the medics time.

BoneyBackJefferson · 01/08/2012 21:02

I bow the the majority

Fucker
Wonder as much as you like. I'm sure that it will give you great pleasure.

LJ29 · 01/08/2012 21:03

Lurking why do you think I was aiming my comments at you? It was a general observation about the comments on here and one in particular. People will have opinions and make comments but surely we should be helping the OP with useful suggestions or helping her to see things from different (sensible) viewpoints and not just passing judgement and making spiteful unhelpful remarks.

VicarGoingForGoldInKungFu · 01/08/2012 21:05

for the first time ever i am making a mental spread sheet.....

GoldenFucker · 01/08/2012 21:06

maybe not quite as much pleasure as you took in questioning it in the first place, BBJ ?

dryu · 01/08/2012 21:08

There is also the brother's mental health to take into account, he is now basically completely reliant on his girlfriend for everything from going to the toilet to paying the rent. Its hardly the dream scenario for 19yo is it.

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 01/08/2012 21:12

I assumed you were referencing me because I have made some blunt posts here, I apologise. ASSuming is never good. :)

I do think you need to take into account the effect this sort of story has on some people. This has deeply, deeply disturbed me. I really want Binrel and her children to be safe, and I just don't believe they are. Short term perhaps, long term no way IMO. :(

I'm worried about her losing family support. I'm worried about the brother because I've destroyed my ankle the way he has and I know how much pain he is in.

Also, the fact his injury is so severe is what is making me all the more concerned.

How are you feeling Binrel? I can see you are torn, your emotions must be all over the place. Are you in shock?

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 01/08/2012 21:13

If the girlfriend is this angry (justifiably,) is there a chance she might go to the police?

dryu · 01/08/2012 21:16

She surely couldn't go to the police because she was neither the victim nor a witness to the event (I'm completely ignorant about stuff like this though)

thebody · 01/08/2012 21:16

Read most of the thread. Op not sure if your parents know yet? Your db had a fantastic girlfriend who seems to be acting completely normally to me,, I.e fucking livid.

Now bad day at work?? Seriously that's his excuse?

The last thing that struck me was you allowing him to 'chat' about this over wine and takeaway,, sorry if not caught up but if this happened that's vile.

I would never advocate the 'throw the bastard out' but in this case with no level of remorse or insight shown by your dh I am worried that the next 'bad day' at work it will be you or your dds as punch bags.

BoneyBackJefferson · 01/08/2012 21:22

fucker, you have been casting aspersions for quite some time on this thread, it isn't strange that you you would find fault with someone that doesn't agree with you.

But I will leave you to it.

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 01/08/2012 21:22

thebody to be fair to OP, she's probably in SOME form of shock. I would be. Trying to keep her DDs calm, thinking about the thousand and one things that could/maybe/will/possibly/maybe happen etc etc.

I really want to know what's going through your head right now Binrel? I guess I'm worried that because of your DB and your husband's work issues you're not thinking about you and taking time to think about your feelings.

GoldenFucker · 01/08/2012 21:23

a very real problem for the Op is that the rest of her family will be so angry that she has apparently forgiven and forgotten what her H did, they will close ranks against her and effectively cut off any support she would have had with an aggressive and unstable man in the house

very worrying, and why some of us are trying to shake her up a bit...to no avail it would seem but hopefully she is processing quite why people are so worried about her (since initially she was too, but that anger and shock seems to have dissipated somewhere along the way...)

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 01/08/2012 21:23

I've been blunt too, but it's not intended to upset Binrel, she may well be seeing some of her own mixed up thoughts reflected in many of these posts, which hopefully might help her know that others understand. It's like Lurking said, posts like this can often provoke strong emotions in those reading it.

tuhne · 01/08/2012 21:24

I feel awful for the OP who is really is caught in the middle of this affair, although there does seem to be some steps being taken to a resolution. I have no real advice other than to say in a years time your brother will be back on his feet and this will probably be a forgotten memory.