to lock DH out tonight and consider asking him to move out permanently

[binrel]

This afternoon me and the dds and my brother who is visiting because he is on holiday from university were in the garden just playing football. DH came home early from work and he was clearly already in a bad mood and joined in. My brother then started teasing him whilst they were playing football against each other and he started doing these twists and turns with the ball whilst goading him. He then gave the ball to dd, the next time he got the ball DH charged towards him and leapt off the ground before tackling him. DH's feet went into my brothers leg just above the ankle and my brother's ankle bent in a horrible looking way.

My brother's was in agony on the floor and DH got up and shouted there you go you little twat before storming off into the car and away. I had to call an ambulance as my brother was in so much pain, the dds were also very distressed (they adore my brother). He got taken to hospital and he has suffered partial tear to his ankle ligaments. It's going to take 2-3 months for him to recover. I'm so furious with him for what he has done and the way that he charged over to him with such malice and viscousness, it was obviously not an accident. He went without his house keys I feel like locking the door so he can't come in tonight and I'm really questioning our relationship after this. He has deliberately hurt my brother who I love and so do the dds and they were both hysterical after it. Also we can't afford to go on holiday this year I thought having him stay for 10 days would at least give them something to look forward to this summer and he's done this.

BBJ can you just leave whatever clear personal issues you have with GoldenFucker out of an already very emotional thread?

what aspersions are those, BBJ ?

that this guy is a violent thug ?

that's pretty much the party line...

you trying to undermine the seriousness of the DB's injuries doesn't make it any less so

....You're joking right tuhne?

Yeah, maybe they'll grab a beer and laugh over it too.

Yes agree with all the last posts. Op it is a bloody awful catch 22 situation for you, totally get that but we are all worried about you and Dcs.

< newsflash > BBJ

this thread ain't about you

The OP says

My brother's goading just sent him over the edge and he openly admits this and is very remorseful and apolegetic for the harm he has caused to my brother, me and the children.He intends to go over (Me and the girls may or may not go with him, we haven't decided yet) and see my brother this weekend so he can apoligise and hope to go some way to repairing the damage that has been done, although he accepts that this incident can never be totally forgotten about. He also apoligised to the girls this morning for what he did and the upset that he may have caused them, although again he knows that it will take time for them to fully come to terms with what happened.

Why is anyone saying he shows no remorse or guilt? You're just carrying on with your own version of events!

boney there have been many threads on which you and i have been at opposite ends. but on this, i think, you are just plain wrong, informed maybe by your own experience, but in the minority none the less. that should really tell you something - instead of singling out individual posters for your critique perhaps you need to take a step back and try to be a tad more impartial - what would you advise a mate or a sister in this position?

the facts are the facts.
the op's husband assaulted a man because he had a bad day at the office.
in a criminal case that would hold no sway at all - not one iota. it was a domestic assault.
the brother should and would be in his rights to have the OPs husband brought to book through a police complaint. but he sounds too nice to do that,
shame.
the OP s husband needs a reality check.
and not over a cosy bottle of wine and a chinese........

Ladies please stop fighting with each other, its just not helpful.

Lurking, golden and outraged yes agree.

Tuhne, seriously I don't think so, this isn't a little family tiff or boys being silly!!!

Queen. Jesus! How awful! What happened to your friend?

A horse killed her.

binrel - I honestly feel sorry for you, you're stuck in the middle of a horrendous situation. Of course the job thing is no excuse, I'm sure you know that.

I think in terms of your relationship with your husband - which was your original worry - the real thing you need to be analysing is whether you normally have to walk on eggshells around him, whether he feels outbursts of temper are justified by external stressors etc. Judging by this incident it's a serious concern.

Well, good luck with it all.

As others like me who have been blunt have stated, I just want to make it very clear:

No one is judging you Binrel. We are coming from a place of deep concern. Your parents will be very worried about you and your DDs too. Or there is the slight chance they will cut you off, and we're coming from a place of fear that you may be left with a man with such a temper with no family support.

Before anyone jumps on me, I'm not saying leave him, I'm saying that my concern is if this was his response after what happened a work, what happens if he gets fired? DB isn't there to bear the brunt.

What happens after bad job interviews? What if it takes him a long time to get a job? How can you be 100% sure he won't react this way again? Clearly he doesn't handle stress well..At all.

I think you already know this, but bad day at work or not, this can never happen again. My fear is it will, but it will be you or the DC.

Queen, I am really sorry.

My H once had the ultimate bad day at work

He came home and cried on my shoulder. That was the appropriate response.

pictish because it's one thing to say you're sorry, but people don't walk away from people they've injured with twisted limbs with a snide comment and tell someone else how sorry they are, and put off apologising to the actual victim until days later. That's not normal. When someone is injured by you, you feel physically ill with guilt and it consumes you. You grovel, and grovel until the person is telling you to STFU. I know this because my best friend broke my finger. I know this because of personal situations when I lashed out at my mother as a mentally ill teenager. I know this because it's common sense.

I hope to GOD I'm wrong, but it really is the reaction which has me so concerned TBH.

Have read the whole thread and I don't think people are bashing the OP. I just think they are making the point that this incident has at best shown that her husband has an unstable temper that could someday be inflicted on her or their children. Should this ever happen she will need her family who may be alienated by this whole affair, she admits her sister is furious and although we haven't heard as much from the brother it is unlikely that her husband is his favourite person in the world right now. Admittedly we don't know her parents feelings on it as of yet.

I am never one to condone violent or abusive behaviour on here. I am often to be found wholly supporting women on here who have been through dreadful things at the hands of their partners...and I can be bloody angry about it too.

On this one though...lots of you are gaily picking up the ball and running with it.

You are not listening because you are too busy shouting.

Stop telling the OP that her dh is a monster with no feelings....none of you know anything! A dreadful incident has occurred...an out-of-character dreadful incident, of which we have been given scant details...and some of are pontificating as if you can see inside this man's head yourself!

This is not about a catalogue of domestic abuse...however much you want it to be!

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats

No personal issues at all

I had already bowed to the majority over the medical stuff. If it were me I would be asked for crutches to move about on and stronger meds.

That is if it were me.

As i also posted up thread, I will leave this thread as even I can see that I am not adding to it. My own situation puts me in a biased position.

But I will leave with this

Good luck to the OP and her and her family.

Apologies to all

hiding the thread now.

Have none of you ever done a single thing, under heavy stress, that you should not have? Have none of you ever lashed out, had an affair, frightened your child, broken something, run away, told lies, hit someone, drove while drunk, slept with someone else, stolen something, spent money, verbally abused someone, used someone, spat your dummy, made a fool of yourself, hurt someone's feelings, punched someone in the face....or any other miriad of ways of being fucking bad??

None of you???

Pictish, speaking personally but think the whole tone of the thread has been total sympathy and concern for op.

I had a wobble over the takeaway but don't think most if us can be accused if 'not listening to op'

I do however feel that the dh has maybe other much more unknown issues in his life that caused this level of explosion and either needs help or a confession to the op. ( that's my dh opinion who has been reading whole thread)

pictish, i can honestly say I have never lashed out physically, with malice aforethought, at someone more vulnerable than me because of something that happened somewhere else entirely

I don't think including "run away" or "spent money" or "made a fool of yourself" or "shouted" should be included in your list of comparable actions, tbh

Who are any of you to decide how this woman and her husband should approach and talk through their problems...those of you bitching about the chinese food?

They could do it in a bath of jelly wearing nothing but a balaclava for all it is our concern.

Some of you are getting carried away with your own imaginings on this thread.

Stop telling the OP what to think and do. It's not advice - it's heckling. Seriously.

"speaking personally but think the whole tone of the thread has been total sympathy and concern for op."

Up until the wine & takeaway!

Pictish, I have acted in violence. One time in an episode I kicked my mother as hard as I could.

My reaction was nothing like this. The guilt consumed me and I actually became ill. I threw up straight away. And that was as a mentally ill fifteen year old. Not a grown man.

I cannot understand his reaction. It's not normal.

I tore to pieces my bureau in anger. I literally smashed it up with my bare hands.

I bit my own wedding ring to pieces once, when I was angry with dh for leaving my suitcase out under a tarpaulin, in the rain, he did not realize that the ground would be soaked, and my suitcase soak up the moist.

I have since learnt to calm myself. But I never hit a person, I never damaged anything that did not belong to ME. My kids have never witnessed me angry.

I dont think your dh has neither reason nor excuse for violently assaulting your younger brother.