to not ask my DD to quieten down

[humptyhump]

This has happened on a few occasions now.
My DD can be quite noisy when we are at soft play/activity centre, she is very vocal in her playing, squeals and screeches when she's excited etc
However my friend who I usually attend the places with (with her DS) always makes comments on how loud she is, sometimes she says it in a jokey way 'oh your so loud haha' and other times she makes comments on how she's got a headache
AIBU to not tell my DD, we are at play centres surely this is the place where she should be allowed to let off some steam and have fun without a bossy adult commenting about it
Her DS is just under a year younger and isn't talking much so not much noise from him

And I think you know that it's annoying - your OP says 'squeals and screeches' but you're now trying to say 'high pitched giggle'

I think it's good to tell kids to quieten down if they are screeching and screaming. Not be silent but to be told to calm down a bit and not be so loud is a good thing to be able to do.

I know some adults with no volume control lol, come in with a booming voice and say 'oh look the baby is asleep'

Whaaaaaa

Not anymore, thanks for that!

Oh FGS what a bunch of miseries! I thought the days of "children should be seen and not heard" were long gone - she's letting off steam at a soft play so let her enjoy it.
OP, you have to be the one to judge if it's unacceptably loud compared to the other children but it sounds to me like it's your friend who's being unreasonable.

Why does the mother of the child doing the antisocial thing get to be the judge ?

There's a lot of room between silence and nails on a blackboard screeching.

Kayano oh yes, I know JUST what you mean!

FFS.It has nothing to do with children being seen and not heard.They can have fun without screaming.Trust me they can.No one is asking the OP's dd to be silent,only to stop screeching.She can still make some noise and have fun.

And it's a good idea to teach children to have consideration for others.It's about the most important lesson they can learn,and it won't 'crush their precious little spirits' if done in an appropriate way.

It sounds to me as though the OP is just narked that someone has dared to criticise her DD to be honest.

Especially with this catty comment..."I am currently feeling rather smug sympathy for her as her little angel is hitting the terrible two's and not quite as amazing as she thought"

I really hate parent rivalry, it's more than a bit pathetic and really not a good example to set for the kids.

No one is saying 'children should be seen and not heard' people are saying that kids can have loads of fun without constant loud screeching and squealing. I'm all for children making noise and having fun but if it's 'happened a few times' maybe it is something you need to address!

High pitched giggle? Nice drip feed/ change of story btw

Yabu children do not need to screech and squeal to have fun.

OP

It is hard to hear your child criticised. And sometimes it's not justified. Someone it is another mum being smug about her own offspring in comparison.. But sometimes it's worth considering if they have a point and are npt simply trying to point score.

Op how old is your Dd? When I read the op I pictured a 2 yo squealing with delight and laughing raucously. Is that what you mean?
If so Yanbu, what do people expect going to those places?

Actually even if she's older Yanbu, there's a time and a place for noisy playing, and it's called soft play!

YAB utterly U. If it doesn't bother you, fine let your DD screech and scream as much as she likes when she's at home with you, but I can promise you that no one else wants to hear it. And that goes for parents of other children. I can't stand screeching and yelling. There is no need for it and it's obnoxious.

The OP says her friends DS is just under a year younger and then mentioned him approaching the terrible twos....so the screeching child must by 3yrs old.

OP i think the fact that you friend has made comments about it both jokey and serious on a number of occassions means that, most probably, it is annoying to most people. She is your DD you are used to her noises and you probably dont even register with you. Personally i cannot abide screechy kids so if she was mine she would be getting told not to.

YABU but judging by your response that's not what you wanted to hear. Your friend is trying to drop hints while still being polite, if you're any kind of friend please heed them. It will be a good lesson for you and your daughter in compromising and getting on with others. A valuable life lesson for kids I think.

To what extent do you think your daughter should be allowed to "express herself" without any regard for the comfort of others?

YABU - I can't stand squealy, screechy kids, it's anti-social and they should be told to stop.

oh for heaven's sake YANBU! Those who don't like the noise in a soft play place, just don't go. Nothing wrong with children letting loose and enjoying themselves, even if they're a bit noisy.

Let me see if I've got this right... according to some on MN, as parents we're not supposed to let our children make a lot of noise, but we're not supposed to "helicopter" around them to remind them to keep it down, but we're not supposed to be "loud parents/lazy parents" either and shout across the room for them to quiet down.

OP, just let them make noise at the play place. They're not hurting anyone. If people don't like it, they can avoid play places. It's not rocket science.

""There is a difference between fun and being loud and grating. I love the sound of children playing, laughing and having fun. It's what they do! But I think YABU to just let her screech, it can be really really annoying listening to."

I agree. Squealing and screeching are horrible. Laughing and yelliing are fine. I used to tell DD off for screeeching. It is the high pitched scream that goes right through you, not the lovely sound of a child laughing with joy. No-one is saying that your child should be silent, your daughter just needs to turn the tone and volume down a bit or you might find that the playdates will start to dry up.

Of course, you could just let her grow up into someone like the 15ish yo girl I heard on the train a while ago - chatting very loudly to her friends, in a piercing and annoying voice. One of the lads in their group was very forthright about not liking her because she had such a loud annoying voice. She admitted she knew it was loud and annoying but that was "just her" - well perhaps if she'd been cautioned to keep the volume and annoyingness down when she was a toddler she wouldn't have reached her teens before her schoolmates had to tell her how annoying she was.

What about all the children who don't like high pitched shrieking and squealing?

I don't mind noise - it's squealing and screeching I find intolerable.

How old is she? Because my 6 month old screams and squeals, so how am I supposed to discourage him doing this? His cries are so shrill they make my ears ring....this happens throughout the day and during stupid o clock too.