to not ask my DD to quieten down

[humptyhump]

This has happened on a few occasions now.
My DD can be quite noisy when we are at soft play/activity centre, she is very vocal in her playing, squeals and screeches when she's excited etc
However my friend who I usually attend the places with (with her DS) always makes comments on how loud she is, sometimes she says it in a jokey way 'oh your so loud haha' and other times she makes comments on how she's got a headache
AIBU to not tell my DD, we are at play centres surely this is the place where she should be allowed to let off some steam and have fun without a bossy adult commenting about it
Her DS is just under a year younger and isn't talking much so not much noise from him

Yabu.

It sounds like your friend is embarrassed and that's her way of letting you know she feels uncomfortable. I would stick to parks and other outdoor places.

YABU. The noise from screechy girls at softplay is what pushes it over the edge from just bearable to kill me now territory. The high pitching shreiking gives me am awful headache.

I really hate children screaming.
a) It goes straight to my nerves

and b) I think that they are hurt in some way. And then worry that one day I will ignore a hurt child because I am too busy tutting.

I can't be doing with screaming/loud squealing, regardless of who it's coming from, or where. So if DS is doing it, I'll tell him to stop it - and I don't give a flying monkey if some busybody tries to say "Oh leave them, they're having fun" - yes well, they can have fun without sounding like they're being hurt, in my opinion.

There was a little boy making motorbike noises at playgroup the other day; open air but under a low-ish roof (I know that makes no sense, it's an open air shelter thingy) - the noise was infuriating! Made several of us jump and in the end one of the other mums asked him to keep it down.

There is nothing wrong in asking children to keep their more exuberant noises down in volume. So, in essence, I think YABU.

yanbu. your dc is very young and enjoying herself. Theres nothing wrong with that.

I wonder how long it will be until your friend starts making excuses not to go places with you and your child? Because she will - the fact she is making "jokes" is her way of saying that she can't stand the noise, but she is too polite to come right out with it. Eventually she will just not bother anymore and start to avoid you.

Bear in mind that it's not just grumpy old kill-joy adults that don't like lots of loud noise. Some children get distressed at excessive shouting and screeching.

It's very difficult for anyone on here though to say whether you are being unreasonable or not though without actually hearing the noise your DD makes.

Oh dear. Yes, if she's constantly screeching or screaming YABU to not quieten her somewhat. That's a horrible noise and just because you're at soft play hell, it doesn't mean everyone else should be subjected to it.

It's already bad enough having to be at soft play, let alone having screeching and screaming constantly.

There's a big, big difference between normal excited children noise and the next level.

I have a friend coming to visit next month and his 5yr old ds is a high pitched screamer. He thinks it's cute whilst I can feel myself getting strung so tightly I have to take myself off. Dc2 has hearing problems and noises like that hurt her ears.

So, yes you are mildly BU, at least you are aware that's it's an irritant to others and hopefully it's a phase.

Giggling, laughing, running, skipping, saying weeeee as you go down the slide are all part of the fun.
Screaming and screeching is OTT. It could also upset younger children.
OP you do not need to tell your child to "shut up" all the time. How about "please don't make that noise"?

YABU. Screeching and high pitched squealing are painful on the ears, and should not be encouraged.

Screaming, screeching and squealing should not be encouraged. I know there IS a fine line between loud laughing and squealing, but no-one wants to listen to screeching, especially other children who might be a bit sensitive to that sort of thing.

One of the least glorious moments of my parenting career was a 3yo DD deciding that she wanted to spend the entire afternoon running in circles in the garden, screaming her head off. She ended up being left at home with the neighbours while I took my ancient dog to DD's favourite park.

YABU I'm afraid. I suspect your friend has been dropping jokey hints and is now getting a bit more up front about it.

Soft play places are never going to be peaceful and obviously children need to let off steam, but screaming and screeching really are very unpleasant and not at all necessary. I sometimes go to a massive soft play centre and sit and do some work on my laptop while DS1 runs about. I can work quite happily through the normal noise, even when it is very busy, but I cannot concentrate if there is a child screaming - it is even difficult to hold a conversation through high-pitched screaming. It is a particularly penetrating noise and most people will dislike it, even if they don't say so openly.

Some children, particularly younger ones or those with any degree of sensory issues, may also find it unbearable.

It is something you can deal with fairly easily. None of the DCs in our family have ever been allowed to scream and squeal without being pulled up on it - mainly because it was the one thing that their great-grandfather could not stand in his own children so the grandparents generation didn't allow their own children to do it, and now those children pull their children up on it. My DS's cousins went through a stage of screaming, and DS1 would join in when he was with them, and we all stopped it as soon as it started and they very rarely do it now. A simple "Hey, no screaming!" tends to do the trick.

We are now very glad we did take this approach as great-grandfather is almost blind and has developed acute hearing so what was once just a dislike is now something that genuinely causes him discomfort. We wouldn't be able to visit them for any length of time if either of ours screamed regularly.

Just because soft play is a place for children to let off steam doesn't mean that they have to be allowed to make any degree of noise they want. Presumably you would be unhappy if a child came and stood next to you and screamed unceasingly? People have different tolerances and it is sociable to try and keep a lid on things that most people dislike to some extent.

Look around you objectively. If your DD is making more noise, or different noise than the other children then you probably need to do something about it. Your friend is gently telling you what other people won't.

It is your job to socialise your child - do it.

YABU. Screeching, high pitched squealing and screaming are not pleasant.

Just because no one else has complained does not mean that there aren't plenty of people wishing that someone would shut that child up.

If you were in a field in the middle of nowhere, fine, let her screech to her hearts content, but when you are in a public place surrounded by lots of other people, then you need to be considerate of them.

And I wouldnt be too sure that it isn't bothering any other children. Loads of children are somewhere on the autistic spectrum and have highly sensitive hearing, which will make it actually painful for them to listen to your dd. but the problem is that they don't always know that that's what's bothering them, and neither do their parents. It just shows itself in a bad mood or a tantrum.

Stop being so selfish and tell your child to be quiet!

I can't bear screeching and screaming. If it were my child I'd want to stop it for the sake of myself and other people.

" I think that they are hurt in some way. And then worry that one day I will ignore a hurt child because I am too busy tutting."

mardyarse

How old is DD?

You describe your dd as 'expressing herself'. Sorry but I think that's crap. She doesn't need to express her enjoyment by squealing and shrieking.
I am not suggesting children should be gagged, but a high pitched squeal real grates and isn't pleasant for other children playing there, never mind the adults.

You're a miserable lot aren't you? YANBU.

YABU and you don't sound like a very nice friend

For the record, being non verbal does not stop a screecher from screeching so perhaps she's just lucky he's not that ear piercing?

I know you're back tracking but your DD must be an ear piercer for your friend to keep mentioning it.

It's not miserable to not want to listen to a really unpleasant noise, nor is it miserable to not want my child to have to put up with it when noises like that really do genuinely upset him.

Im not a fan of heavy rock music, so I wouldn't want to listen to that either, especially at a venue that I had paid to get into so that my children could play and I could chat to a friend. That doesn't mean I am completely incapable of dealing with noise.

Your friend is trying to let you know how annoying it is, and trying to do it nicely by being jokey about it. Other people aren't telling you, they're just hoping you'll leave.

Nothing to do with being miserable.It's not 'miserable' to not want to hear a child screaming when there's no need for it.
I like hearing children laugh and giggle and have fun,but children do not need to screech their heads off in order to enjoy themselves.